Harry Potter and the Distaff Side
by Clell65619
Summary: Voldemort knows the prophecy, when he is reborn following the 3rd task of the Triwizard Tournament he takes action to ensure that Harry is no longer a threat. AU. HPLL This story will be updated slowly so that I can finish my other stories.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

A/N2: Be forewarned, this fic is not paying attention to HBP, or DH, so:

No Horocruxes,.

Dumbles is not dead. Of course it's only 4th year when the story starts, who knows in the future

Snape is still a bastard, but not obviously a traitor.

There will not be an annotated potions book to piss Hermione off and make Harry more whiney than absolutely necessary.

There is not an oh so fashionable beaded bag that can evidently pack everything in the known universe except food.

Ron is not going to abandon the love of his life and his best friend, at least not soon.

Hermione is not going to mind rape her parents.

There is not going to be an endless camping trip.

There will be adult situations, meaning people will be experimenting with all the variations available when some people have tab A and other people have slot B.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

"_B-blood of the enemy… forcibly taken… you will… resurrect your foe."_

_Harry could do nothing to prevent it, he was tied too tightly… Squinting down, struggling hopelessly at the ropes binding him, he saw the shining silver dagger shaking in Wormtail's remaining hand. He felt its point penetrate the crook of his right arm and blood seeping down the sleeve of his torn robes. Wormtail, still panting with pain, rumbled in his pocket for a glass vial and held it to Harry's cut, so that a dribble of blood fell into it. _

_He staggered back to the cauldron with Harry's blood. He poured it inside. The liquid within turned, instantly, a blinding white. Wormtail, his job done, dropped to his knees beside the cauldron, then slumped sideways and lay on the ground, cradling the bleeding stump of his arm, gasping and sobbing._

_The cauldron was simmering, sending its diamond sparks in all directions, so blindingly bright that it turned all else to velvety blackness. Nothing happened…_

_Let it have drowned. __Harry thought, __let it have gone wrong…_

_And then, suddenly, the sparks emanating from the cauldron were extinguished. A surge of white steam billowed thickly from the cauldron instead, obliterating everything in front of Harry, so that he couldn't see Wormtail or Cedric or anything but vapor hanging in the air… __Its gone wrong, __he thought… __it has drowned… please… please let it be dead…_

_But then, through the mist in front of him, he saw, with an icy surge of terror, the dark outline of a man, tall and skeletally thin, rising slowly from inside the cauldron._

"_Robe me," said the high, cold voice from behind the steam, and Wormtail, sobbing and_

_moaning, still cradling his mutilated arm, scrambled to pick up the black robes from the ground, got to his feet, reached up, and pulled them one handed over his master's head._

_The thin man stepped out of the cauldron, staring at Harry… and Harry stared back into the face that had haunted his nightmares for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes and a nose that was flat as a snakes with slits for nostrils…_

_Lord Voldemort had risen again._

_Excerpt from __**Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire**_

**CHAPTER ONE**

**Voldemort's Insurance.**

Voldemort examined his new body, ignoring Harry, ignoring Wormtail, ignoring Cedric's body. Flexing his fingers, then his hands and arms, he rotated his neck, then flexed his entire body, stretching every extremity.

"Is magic not wonderful Mr. Potter?"

"Go to hell."

"Crucio!"

Harry's world dissolved into a universe of pain. Voldemort released the curse.

"Isn't the Headmaster stressing being polite any longer Mr. Potter? In my day displaying an uncivil tongue to ones senior would have resulted in a far more extreme punishment."

"Oh golly gosh, what ever will you do to me?" Harry panted out between breaths "Kill me twice?"

"Kill you? Harry, I'm not going to kill you."

"Yeah right."

"Honestly Harry, killing you was never my intention, not even that night back in '81. You see Harry, I know the prophecy."

Harry stared at him blankly.

Voldemort sighed. "Typical. Dumbledore stays true to form to the end. There is a prophecy that concerns the two of us Harry, it's sad that Dumbledore hasn't shared it with you."

"So, what is it?" Harry asked through clinched teeth.

"So, you do want to know? All right Harry." A smile creased his ghastly face _**"The one with the power to vanquish the - Dark Lord approaches"**_The 'Dark Lord' that would be me_**"born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…"**_That would be you_**"and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal,"**_The current theory is this lovely scar is how I marked you _**" but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…" **_Obviously, I don't know what this power of yours might be_**"and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…"**_ now, that's the important part_**" the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…"**_

"Did you understand the important part Harry?"

"No, not really."

"Either must die at the hand of the other" Again Voldemort smiled. "If I don't kill you, and you don't kill me, neither of us can die."

"So, what happens now?" Harry was trying to digest what he had just been told. "Do you recruit me as your apprentice?"

The snake man laughed, a horrible sound. "No Harry, because I know that if I was in your position I would never trust you and would rebel against you at my first opportunity. No Harry, I'm going to have to send you away, to a place you cannot return from to interfere with my plans."

"Where are you sending me?"

"Actually Harry, I don't really know. What this charm is supposed to do is open a rift between parallel realities, and you will be transferred to one, where you cannot die, because I won't be there to kill you, and I will stay here, where you will not be to kill me. Excuse me for a moment."

Voldemort reached down grasping the arm of Wormtail, who was weak from lack of blood, and touched his wand to the Darkmark on the rat animagus's arm. He then cast the killing curse on the hapless man.

"Sorry Harry, I couldn't leave a witness with a story of how I let you live, could I?" With a ripple of near synchronous cracks the surviving Death Eaters arrived.

"Welcome My Death Eaters. I will be with you in a moment, first I must deal with the boy who lived."

"Fuck you Tom, you half blood bastard!"

"Crucio!"

Yet again, Harry's world dissolved into a universe of pain. This universe was infinitely larger than the first had been, as Voldemort held the curse much longer. After a full minute he stopped.

"You really need to learn to be more respectful Harry." Voldemort smiled, He placed Harry's wand into the pocket of his Triwizard uniform, and patted Harry's chest. "We wouldn't want you to be unarmed would I Harry? After all if something on the other side manages to kill you, where would my insurance be?" Voldemort began to move his wand in an extremely complicated pattern, while mouthing a complex charm chain. Harry felt as if he was being crushed as the charm took effect, he could not breathe, his vision grayed out, and he was gone.

**---ooo000ooo---**

He was back. He fell to the ground as if he had fallen from quite a height. He impacted a grave stone hard enough to have it break Harry hurt all over his body, his head was pounding, he had lost his glasses in the fall, the world was a blurry mess. He lay where he had fallen taking inventory of the parts of his body that did not hurt, while feeling around for his glasses. He could not find them anywhere. How the hell was he going to get out of here?

"Do nothing!" He heard Voldemort shriek. Great, Voldie was still here, why was he telling his Death Eaters not to do anything? Peering around the broken tombstone, he could barely see a crowd of people in Death Eater Robes encircling Voldemort and… someone. Harry squinted, Voldemort was dueling someone? Who? He could just make out Cedric's body beyond the circle of Death Eaters and beyond him the Cup. Wait, Cedric moved. Cedric was alive, all he had to do was work his way around to Cedric, accio the cup and pray that it would return them to school. Ok, that is the plan, now for the execution.

Then an wonderful sound filled the air… phoenix song! The sound of hope and wonder. Harry searched for the Phoenix that was singing, he could find no sign of a magical firebird, the song was coming from the duel taking place in front of him, where the a solid beam of light connected the wands of Voldemort and the other. That meant that the stranger was on the side of the light, as nothing as beautiful as a phoenix song could come from as vile a being as Voldemort.

He watched for a moment as large beads of light were sliding up and down the thread connecting the wands. The plan was now utter crap. He could not leave who ever was dueling Voldemort, even if he won the duel, he would be cut down by the surrounding Death Eaters. Ok, new plan. Distract Voldemort and his Death Eaters, grab who ever that is, and Cedric, accio the cup, get the hell out of here. Hopefully,Voldemort's desire to not kill him would keep the Death Eaters off balance. Ok, good plan. Suicidal, but good. Now, how to do it.

Gathering his magic, Harry levitated the heavy broken piece of the headstone. He then concentrated on the strongest banishing charm he could manage. Professor Flitwick told them in class that intent was the most important part of charms work. That was good; he could not see well enough to aim. He poured all of his magic into banishing the chunk of headstone with all of his intent on driving it into Voldemort's back.

Harry ran following the stone on its flight. As the stone passed through the line of death eaters, it knocked into a dark clad figure on either side, causing them to fall into their compatriots at their side forming somewhat of a domino effect as Harry barreled through behind the stone. The stone hit Voldemort hard, Harry was sure he heard bones snap. For good measure as Harry cast 'flagrate' on Voldemort's robes as he ran past. He carried on to who ever it was who had been dueling Voldemort and bending low, scooped him up over his shoulder and he pelted on to Cedric, who was stirring more by the moment.

"Stun them!" he heard Voldemort scream.

Reaching Cedric as spells started whizzing by his head; Harry dumped whomever he was carrying on top of the Hufflepuff and covered their bodies with his own.

"Accio Cup!" Harry yelled, pointing his wand at the Triwizard Trophy. It flew through the air arcing toward him. Harry caught it by the handle – and he felt the jerk behind his navel that meant the Portkey had worked - it was speeding him away in a whirl of wind and color, Cedric and the unknown duelist along with him… They were going _somewhere_.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry felt himself slam flat into the ground; face first into grass; the smell of grass, smoke, and sweat filled his nostrils. At least he had not landed on a tombstone (again) One of the others landed on top of him, probably the duelist, too light to be Cedric. He tried not to move. His breath knocked out by the sudden impact. His head was swimming; he felt as if he was going to vomit, then that smell invaded his mind. Either he had thrown up, or one of the others had. He released his hold on the cup and the others and tried to rise, his strength failed him, and he remained laying flat on the ground, holding on while the world spun madly beneath him.

There were voices everywhere, footsteps, screams… Someone was calling "Harry! Harry!" over and over.

He tried to rise again, and again failed. He decided to answer. "I'm here!"

Someone (a girl?) to his left echoed, "I'm here!"

A pair of hands seized him roughly and turned him over.

"Who the hell are you?"

Harry stared up at the fuzzy blob in front of him, try as he might he could not make out who this was, but the man's voice was familiar.

"Harry Potter." Harry answered.

"I'm here!" the girl's voice to his left spoke again. "I don't know who he is, but he saved us, Cecelia and me both. He saved us both Professor McGonagall!"

Looking around for a blob that looked like his transfiguration Professor Harry called out. "Professor McGonagall! Cedric's hurt bad! Keep everyone away from the cup, it's a portkey! Someone keep an eye on Professor Moody, he was supposed to be the last one to handle the cup!"

Someone was in front of him again, doing odd movements. Harry assumed a diagnostic was being done.

"Well Paul?" asked a woman's voice he didn't recognize.

"Heavy cruciatus exposure to all three of them. Harri and this one are the worst. Diggory was stunned several times on top of the crucios."

"I'm fine, see to Cedric!"

"There's no Cedric here young man" the man who answered to Paul said.

"You just said he was stunned several times!"

"Every thing is going to be all right young man." The woman who had asked for the diagnosis said. "Could you tell your name, and explain why you are wearing Gryffindor colors? Are you a fan?"

"I'm Harry Potter, I'm a Triwizard Tournament Champion. I'm in Gryffindor house."

There was a sudden hush, and then the woman spoke again. "Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire Harry?"

"Sweet Merlin no! Someone else put my name in; it must have been a plot, because the cup took Cedric and me to a graveyard where Voldemort was waiting for us. I thought hey killed Cedric, thank god he was only stunned." Harry was crashing from his adrenalin rush.

"Mental, that one is." Said a red haired blob to his right.

Harry looked at that blob squinting. "Ginny?"

"I don't think he can see very well." Another voice said. Harry judged it to belong to a boy roughly his age. "Harri, could I borrow your glasses?"

"I don't have my glasses, I lost them in the graveyard"

To his left he heard a murmured duplication charm; a pair of glasses were placed in his hand. "Try these" the boy said.

The style of frames was different, but the prescription was right, the world came back into focus. He looked around and saw a crowd of people he did not know. The red head he thought might have been Ginny was taller with a more angular face she looked like… Ron?

"You saved my life, and the life of my friend." The girl to his left said, Harry turned finally seeing her. He found himself looking into his own green eyes. She had black untamed hair, and the scar… He was looking at a feminized version of his own face. Harry's mouth fell open. "My name is Harriett Potter, my friends call me Harri. Who are you really?"

This was just too much. The maze, two portkey trips, the crucios, being stunned, Wormtail taking his blood (the wound still seeped), whatever Voldemort had done to him, and now this? Harry did what any sensible man would do in a similar situation when the entire universe seemed intent on crapping on his head. He passed out.

**---ooo000ooo---**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**Family Reunion.**

Harry regained consciousness and found he was staring at a very familiar blurry ceiling. In the hospital wing. Again. It was not the right bit of familiar blurry ceiling though. He turned his head and found himself once again looking into the startling green eyes of … a blob.

"You're awake then." The blob with green eyes put a pair of glasses into his hands. The blob resolved it's self into the girl who called herself Harri.

"You're in my bed."

"Not in this universe. Healer Pomfrey hung a plaque on this bed with my name on it, in honor of all my visits."

"So, you're… Me?"

She shrugged. "Pretty much I guess. Healer Pomfrey is talking about writing a paper about us, she says we are identical down to the cellular level."

"Merlin on a crutch. Other than our plumbing are we any different at all?"

"According to Professor Dumbledore, not much." She noticed the look on his face. "Don't get mad, she had to know before she could trust you here. She entered your mind and examined your memories. What she found startled her to no end."

Harry thought about that for a moment. It made sense, Wait. "She? Professor Dumbledore is a woman?"

"As far as the Professor could tell, everyone in your world has the wrong gender. Orestes is quite excited by the idea of what he called 'parallel universes', and really wants to talk to you. I think mostly he wants to know what his female version is like."

"Orestes?"

"Orestes Granger. Muggleborn, we tease him, he's the brightest Wizard of his generation."

"Really bossy, has to know everything, hates being wrong, wants to fight against House Elf slavery?"

"Yours did S.P.E.W. too?"

"Yeah, nothing Ron or I could say would convince her that SPEW was a bad name."

"What is yours called?"

"Hermione."

"You had a Ron? Ours is Veronica Weasley."

"Jealous git? Envies your money and anything else you ever get without thinking things through?"

"You know her then." They laughed together

"So, you were at the graveyard with the cup, you were a Fourth champion as well?"

"God yes. Did you hate it as much as I did?"

"Possibly more. My Granger was the only one to believe me." He suddenly realized that there was no one in his universe to stand up against Riddle.

"Same here. I'd have never survived the second task if Orestes hadn't spent days teaching me the bubblehead charm and teaching me to transfigure my clothing to a Muggle Wetsuit. That gave me the edge I needed to get there first. Ronnie was totally pissed that I took Orestes instead of her." She smiled at the memory. "But no where near as pissed as Krum was when it looked like Ronnie was 'the thing she'd miss most'."

"That was brilliant. It never occurred to me to take Hermione, I got there first using Gillyweed, but I hung out until I made sure everyone else was going to find their hostages. Fleur Delacour didn't make it, so I took Ron and her sister. I came in third, but got bonus points for saving Gabrielle and ended up in second place."

"I guess we have more differences than just our plumbing, though the results seem to be the same." She looked thoughtful. "What did you do for the first task?"

"Summoned my Nimbus, teased the dragon until she good off her nest, then dove down and snatched up the egg. The Horntail snagged me with one of her tail spikes, bunged up my left arm, but not too bad. The other three all got scorched a bit."

"I asked for the Egg, the Dragon gave it to me."

"Asked for the Egg. Dragon's speak Parseltongue?"

"Yeah. Pretty much every reptile does. Snakes are just the chattiest." She looked surprised, "After the zoo incident when we were 10, I tried talking to every animal I saw. It was well worth the 3 days in the cupboard under the stairs… Didn't you?"

"No." he sighed. "Ok, you're the smart one. I guess I'll have to be the pretty one."

"What?" she laughed.

"Every set of twins I've ever met had one who was the smart one, and one who was the pretty one, except the Weasleys, who were both scary smart, and judging from the girls they attracted, I'm guessing fairly good looking."

"Don't sell yourself short Mr. Potter" The pair turned to discover a tall witch watching them over half moon glasses, long white hair in a braid hanging down the front of her robes. "You and Miss Potter take slightly different paths, yet end up in basically the same place. The only reason that you did not end up dueling your Tom Riddle as Miss Potter did is that yours knew of the prophecy. The only reason Miss Potter was not banished from this reality is that her Thomasina Riddle did not know of the prophecy or perhaps did not know the spell."

"What happens to me now Professor?"

"Ah Mr. Potter, that is indeed a good question. Your sudden appearance was rather public, The Dark Lady no doubt knows who it was who interfered in her revenge on Miss Potter. The Ministry knows who you are. Miss Potter needs to return to the Dursley's over the summer, but you…"

Seeing Harri's face fall at that news Harry interrupted "The hell she does. She's not going near those bastards."

"Mr. Potter, the blood protections in place make her Uncle's home the safest place for her."

Harry shook his head. "Excuse me Professor; you're not thinking this through. My Riddle used my blood to make his body. Harri? Did she take yours?"

"Yes."

"Riddle has her blood. Your blood protections mean nothing any longer."

Dumbledore stood opened mouthed. This was a novel experience, being so absolutely, fundamentally wrong.

"I must admit Mr. Potter; I am not used to having the flaws in my thinking pointed out by fourth year students. Thank you." Harry noticed that this Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as well. "Perhaps you aren't the 'pretty one'"

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry had climbed to the top of the Astronomy tower. It was early yet, if this was a couple's area in this universe as in his, he had a while before the happy couples showed up. Dinner in the Great Hall was just… weird. Everyone spent the meal looking at him like some type of bizarre creature, which he supposed he was from their perspective.

"I thought you'd be up here" He turned to see Orestes Granger climbing up the trap door.

"It's a quiet place. I don't have my broom, why not?"

"I wanted to thank you"

_**Thank me?**_ "Thank me for what?"

"For bringing Harri back. And Cecelia, but mostly Harri."

"I couldn't leave her. Hell, I didn't even know she was a she, I could barely see. Thanks for the glasses by the way." Harry watched a thestral flying over the forbidden forest. "My Granger always said I had a 'saving people thing'."

"I've been know to say that about Harri. Are you all right? You seem awfully down."

"My world has a Dark Lord. If the prophecy he told me is to be believed, his sending me here has left my world, my friends with no defense against him. I don't know how I got here; I don't even know where 'here' is. Your Dumbledore has no idea if it's even reversible. It's possible that all my friends are dead or will be soon. All because I wasn't good enough to defend myself."

"You're only 14 years old. You are easily one of the two most powerful students at this school. A duel between you and Harri would probably be the most frightening thing I've ever seen, at least since Harri and Ronnie saved me from that Troll first year."

"My god, you've got it bad don't you?" Harry looked at the Bushy haired boy with the large brown eyes.

"And you don't?"

"Since second year when she was petrified. I thought I liked Cho Chang until I saw Hermione coming to the Yule ball. I was such an idiot. Now I've lost her."

"Our Ravenclaw is Cheng Chang. Harri had a thing for him as well. Do you know how Harri feels about me?"

"I've got no idea mate. For your sake, I hope she feels like I feel for my Granger. At least one of us should be happy."

"Harri is going to spend the summer at the Burrow, with the Weasleys." Orestes also stared off into the forest. "I've asked my parents if I could invite you for the summer. I haven't given them any details about you, just that you don't have anywhere to go. If you don't mind I'd like to discuss your situation with them, but if you'd rather I'd not…"

"Thank you. A bit bold inviting a guy who just fell out of the sky yesterday isn't it?"

"Is it? I've never really known about those things… Nothing in the books about it." He smiled. "Even us book worms know when to make fun of our selves."

"I appreciate the offer. You can teach me to be a man in a woman's world."

"Is it really that different?"

"From what I've seen today, yes."

"We can work on it. Will you come?"

"Thank you Orestes, yes I will."

"So." Orestes smiled, "What can you tell me about Hermione Granger?"

**---ooo000ooo---**

For the last five days before the end of term, Harry was moved into the Gryffindor 4th year boys dorms with Orestes and his dorm mates Lawrence Brown ('don't call me Larry') and Parvatinandan Patil. (Oddly the 'boy's dorms' were where the 'girls dorms' were in his reality.) Orestes was relatively calm and reserved with all the test anxiety Harry had come to expect from his time with Hermione as the school year ended. Lawrence and Parvartinandan were… well giggly and romance obsessed, not terribly unlike Lavender and Parvati. They were among the few that did not ask about their counterparts from his reality. Harry suspected that they did not really believe him and thought him to be deluded.

Time in the common room was… different. While the 4th year women pretty much left him alone (he suspected that Harri had told her dorm mates to leave Harry alone. If she had he was grateful) the 5th, 6th, and 7th year women stared at him like he was a piece of meat and they had not eaten for a while. Had he and his friends looked at girls like that? He did not think so, but it might not be conscious. A universe of sexually aggressive women? He smiles wryly to himself. It could be worse.

He suddenly started laughing at himself. Would he have to start worrying about his reputation?

A few moments later, a pair of red heads flopped onto the sofa on either side of him… Harry had been expecting the 6th years since he got into the common room, he had not expected them to be hitting on him, but there you go.

"Hello Handsome, what's so funny?"

"Fancy meeting you here Mr. Stranger from a Strange Land"

"I was just speaking with my sister Frieda"

"She was. Greta was just speaking to me."

"And I said to her, Greta, how could someone so cute be alone on the sofa?"

"So I said, Frieda, we should introduce ourselves."

"And I said, Frieda, you're right."

"You realize you've both identified yourselves with each using both names?" Harry laughed. "Isn't there a third choice?"

"Third choice?"

"I knew a Fred and a George, but they were known to refer to themselves as Gred and Forge on occasion… Maybe you should be Freta and Grieda?"

"Not bad."

"It will annoy Dad to no end."

"Won't fool Mum, she always knows us."

"But it will drive Dad around the bend."

"We like you Harry."

"We'll keep you."

"If you're good, we'll let you raise our babies."

"What more could I ask for?" What ever their gender, the twins would always make him laugh.

**---ooo000ooo---**

The evening before the leaving feast, Harry made his way to the Quidditch pitch. Veronica and Arthur Weasley and Harri were flying far above, doing loops and spirals. All three of them could really fly. Harry felt a bit of envy creeping up on him. He would have to see what he could do about getting a broom.

Veronica spotted him and pointed him out to Harri, who dove to the turf, pulling up at the absolute last second, coming to a full stop beside him.

"Thanks for coming."

"No problem, I was just reading.

"I've been kind of avoiding you since I got out of the Hospital Wing."

"I noticed. I've been creeping you out haven't I?"

She was startled. "You knew?"

"Of course I knew. You creep me out. It's like suddenly finding out you've got a twin."

"I was worried you'd be mad."

"For what possible reason would I be mad at you? I'm the intruder."

"You saved my life, you may creep me out, but you're no intruder."

"Harry, I've been speaking with the Headmistress and the Goblins. I'd like to adopt you into the family."

"You can't do that."

"Yes I can. I already have. I stole one of the blood samples that Healer Pomfrey took from you. The goblins tested it and you are most definitely a Potter. The Potter trust automatically funded a vault for you." She handed him a Gringotts key and shrugged. "Use it, don't, it doesn't matter, when we come of age we both get half." She drew him into a light hug. "Face it Brother, until we can figure out how to send you home, you're stuck with me." She made a face. "I've always wanted a brother, but you still creep me out."

"I could live with having a sister. It's just weird seeing all my scars on your body."

"You think that's weird? When you in the shower, I snuck a look at you naked." She blushed. "I figured that the first one I saw ought to be 'my own'."

"You saw me naked?"

"Yep."

"She wouldn't let me peek." Ronnie Weasley added. "She's selfish that way."

Harry turned back to his 'sister'. "Thank you so much for that at least." He stopped for a moment. "Hey. You saw mine. I should get to see yours."

"No."

"Crap." He smiled. "It was worth a shot."

**---ooo000ooo---**

It was possible that seeing the student body boarding the Express to go home for the summer holidays were the most depressing thing Harry had ever seen. He had spent three hours the night before writing a letter to the Grangers thanking them for the invitation of a place to stay and attempting to explain himself. Orestes had told him that his parents were perplexed that after four years of letters about a girl named Harri Potter, just where this boy named Harry Potter had come from.

Harry had explained as best he could exactly where he had come from. Hermione had always given him the impression that her parents were very intelligent people, equals to her own formidable intellect. Since Orestes was little different from Hermione beyond their plumbing, there was no reason to assume that his parents would be any different. The letter was easily the longest of his life as six pages. As he attached the letter to one of the School Owls he silently hoped that they wouldn't take this as the delusional ravings of a mad man.

Now he was on the platform watching familiar faces with unfamiliar bodies' board the train. Suck it up. You know what you need to do. He watched Orestes board the train balancing the basket containing his half kneazle Brunhilda atop his trunk. He silently prayed that somewhere Hermione was safe doing the same with Crookshanks. He boarded the train himself and went to find a compartment.

There they were, Harri, Ronnie, and Orestes all in one compartment. He knocked at the door.

"Can I come in? Or would that be too weird?"

"It will be weird, but get your butt in here." Ronnie said gesturing to her side. "Can't have people thinking Harri's brother isn't welcome to hang out with us."

"Grab a seat Harry; I can brief you on my parent's odd habits."

"Come on in Harry."

The ride to London was relatively uneventful; the twins came in for a while, teasing Harry, trying to get a rise out of him by showing him cleavage. Harry just concentrated on Fred and George's faces and managed to ignore them. Lea Jordon came by after a while and the twins left with her to go do something or other.

They were about an hour out of London when the door opened and a blonde girl flanked by a pair of large ugly girls.

"Wonderful, two scar heads. You can just smell the failure in the room."

"Well since you came in Malfoy, sure. Practice a little hygiene and it will go away."

"Ha! Good one Orestes."

"Thank you Ronnie."

"Who do you think you're speaking to Mudblood?"

Harry started laughing. The Malfoy girl turned her attention to him.

"What's so funny Potter boy?"

"It's just that I was worried. The Malfoy in my reality is a fairly handsome, if gutless man. I was worried that you would be a babe and I would be attracted to you. Thank god, that won't be a problem. Your face would make a blind man vomit, and I've seen better tits on a 10 year old."

The blonde drew her wand and pointed it directly at his face. "Still funny?"

"Oh definitely. Think about what you're doing sweet cheeks." He stood up and advanced on her until her wand tip was against his chest. "I survived a killing curse as an infant. A dark lord, equal in every way to your Dark Lady feared me enough to send me away rather than face me a fourth time." He took another step, her wand bent. "Four times. How many do you suppose your mummy could survive against your Dark Lady? I think you should go away before I get upset. It would be most unpleasant if my anger got the better of me, wouldn't it?"

Trembling, _Thubani Malfoy stepped back, without even a sneer exited the compartment, and with her bookends she stalked off._

_"Oh well done Harry." Ronnie said. "Never seen Malfoy back down like that."_

_"That might have been stupid Harry," Harri warned. "Malfoy isn't shy about hurting people."_

_"I know, but she looked to be frightened of me. I figured, why not?"_

"Well I say he's got quite a pair of rocks in him."

Harry sat down and looked to Orestes. "Rocks?"

"Slang term for ovaries. She means you were brave."

"Oh, in my world the term was balls."

"Why the bloody hell would balls mean courage?"

**---ooo000ooo---**

Exiting the platform with Orestes following Harri and the Weasley's Harry spotted the couple that could only be this universes Grangers. He recalled the faces he remembered from second year at Diagon Alley. They looked to be kind people; he hoped that he would not be a disappointment to them.

He hung back as Orestes ran to his parents and the family had a private hug. After a few moments, Orestes separated from his parents and waved Harry over.

"Harry I'd like you to meet my parents: Danielle and Emmit Granger."

"Mr., Mrs. Granger, thank you for having me, especially on such short notice."

"It's no problem Harry, after all, how often do we get to have a visitor from another universe?"

Orestes' mother smacked her husband lightly on the arm. "Please ignore Emmits sense of humor Harry. Orestes had told us quite a bit about you, and your letter was quite informative as well. We'll talk about it at home. Come on."

In the car, on the way to the Granger home Orestes whispered to Harry "You wrote my parents a letter?"

"I just wanted to make sure they knew what they were getting into. I know Hermione tended to sugar coat her letters home, and suspected that you did as well. Why surprise them with a delusional story?"

"Harry, you're something else. This summer is going to be fun."

**---ooo000ooo---**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**Summer Reading**

The Granger house was a home; this was evident from the moment Harry stepped inside. While the Dursleys' house was the base the Dursleys used to show how successful they were to the world, the Grangers used their home to live in. This was the home of a successful happy family, it showed in every room.

Orestes led Harry to a bedroom on the second floor.

"This one is for you" the door opened to show a full sized bed, chest of drawers, the obligatory Granger Bookcase, and a window with a view of the street. "Tomorrow or the next day we can go shopping and get you some clothes, in the mean time, we're pretty much the same size. You should be able to find something in my closet to wear."

"Thanks Orestes, I mean it."

"Harry, could I ask you something?"

"Sure mate, anything."

"You're the only person I've ever met who never commented on my name. Even Harri did when we first met on the Express that first time when I was helping Nelly Longbottom look for her toad Josephine. Orestes is a weird name, at least in Britain, but you never batted an eye."

"Actually your name answered a question I had always wondered about. Hermione isn't all that common a name either, I always wondered where her parents got it from, was it a family name, was it a tribute to anyone of the several actresses named Hermione, were the Grangers Shakespeare fans, or was she named for the daughter of Helen of Troy? Harri prepared me for a male Granger, and when she told me your name I had my answer. Orestes was the betrothed of Hermione."

"You knew that? But how, Harri didn't."

"Harri and I had a few discussions; our lives are similar, but not identical. Where I found refuge from Dudley Dursley and his gang in the library discovering and devouring Greek and Roman mythology, she escaped Dolly Dursley in the school choir. Just as well, I can't carry a tune in a bucket."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Life at the Grangers quickly settled into a pattern. The house rose at 7am for breakfast and quiet family time. At 9, the elder Grangers left for work, Harry and Orestes cleaned the house and took care of the yard until noon, when they would have lunch, then work on their summer assignments until around 5, the boys would then fix dinner.

Orestes was delighted to discover that not only could Harry cook, he actually enjoyed it. Without the pressure the Dursley's put on him, Harry had discovered the joy of preparing a meal for people who appreciated the effort. The elder Grangers complained that if he kept it up, they would have to renew their gym memberships.

The evenings were spent playing games, watching movies, or just talking. The Grangers were captivated with tales of the daughter Orestes might have been. Orestes own adventures were different enough that even he found the stories interesting.

It was from these evening discussions Harry discovered how very different this world was from his own. In this world the gender roles were totally reversed. He was constantly amazed at the aggressiveness of women. One afternoon Harry talked Orestes into playing hooky from their homework and the pair of them caught a bus to the local shopping center. Young women eying them everywhere they went, complete with whistles and cat calls. Orestes was embarrassed and appalled. Harry on the other hand thought it was pretty cool. Not that he really needed to worry about his 'reputation' given his massive experience of taking a single girl to a dance, and for the most part ignoring her, while staring at his best friend and silently lusting after another girl. Still it was nice to be noticed in a way that had nothing to do with the scar on his forehead. One weekend toward the end of June some of the Granger's family visited, including a cousin two years older than the boys.

Melanie Granger was quietly abusive toward Orestes, in the ways that Harry had seen the Weasleys kids treat each other. Having no other frame of reference, he figured that it was a family thing. Melanie and her parents were surprised by Harry's presence (explained as a school chum spending the summer due to parents traveling abroad for business). The visitors came by Friday afternoon and left for home Monday morning. Sunday afternoon Melanie suggested a walk to the local park. Harry accepted the invitation, but Orestes begged off, wanting to spend a little more time with his Aunt and Uncle.

Once in the park, walking along the trail that he and Orestes used when they needed to get away from the adults for a while, Melanie pulled him off the trail into an area hidden by bushes. It was a grassy area that showed obvious signs of use by couples.

"I found this place last year when we visited. Nice and quiet here. We can get to know each other…."

And she pushed him against a tree and stuck her tongue down his throat.

His mind went offline for a second. Never outside of his fantasies had any woman ever done such a thing to him. Perhaps another half second passed before he decided, when in Rome… and returned the kiss, and moved his left hand to her breast. _**– whoa! No Bra!**_

Melanie was momentarily startled by his response to her; she renewed the kissing and guided Harry to the grassy ground, where she lay atop him, reaching down to rub him through his jeans. This was like so many of his fantasies coming true. A woman he hardly knew deciding to have her way with him. He reached under her jumper to touch the bare breasts beneath, when she pulled his hand out.

"Just lay back and enjoy it honey. I'll take care of you."

With a growl, he rolled her over onto her back and breaking the kiss, and looking down into her wide eyes, Harry returned her crotch rubbing. "We'll take care of each other." He then returned his mouth to hers. She stiffened, then pushed him off of her, and stood up. Melanie hesitated for a moment then extended a hand to him to help him up.

"We should get back." She said. "It's not long until dinner"

Harry was a little disappointed at her change of mind, but didn't complain. Together they made their way back to the Granger home.

The visitors and the Grangers left at 9am Monday morning, Orestes' Uncle, Aunt and cousin returning home, his parents going to work.

"What did you do to Melanie?" Orestes asked with a grin.

"What do you mean?"

"She asked if you were some kind of **satyrimaniac** or something."

"What? She came on to me."

"Let me guess." Orestes was laughing now. "She came on to you and you responded like you would have back home."

"Since the only way a woman ever did that with me was in my imagination, yes. I responded to her."

"That's what freaked Melanie out. She expected you to put up at least a token fight before giving in. She said she thought you were going to make her 'be the man'. You freaked her completely out." He grinned. "Every summer I've had to put up with her, I've never seen anyone so totally get the better of her. Mate, you are officially my hero."

**---ooo000ooo---**

June became July, and that month melted away in the routine. A week before his birthday a pair of Hogwarts Owls delivered class lists. His came with a personal note from the Deputy Headmaster McGonagall (He was absolutely never going to get used to that.)

**Mr. Potter:**

**Enclosed is your class list for the coming year. Not having access to your actual records I am assuming that you and Miss Potter share more than just a penchant for trouble and attracting Dark Ladies. I have taken the liberty of assigning you the same classes. **

**After discussions with the Headmistress, we have decided that you will be sorted with the incoming first years. **

**Marcus McGonagall**

**Deputy Headmaster**

"Anything important?" Orestes had already read through his letter of course.

"Just letting me know I'm to be sorted with the first years. That won't be awkward or anything."

"Well, you'll be a Gryffindor of course."

"Will I? Or even should I? By what right do I intrude into Harri's life? Besides, it's weird as hell seeing all my friends wearing the wrong gender."

"Harry, you worry too much. We all want you there."

"Orestes, other than you, nobody in Gryffindor really knows me, not even my twin. It might be smart for me to strike off on my own in a new house."

"Somehow I can't see you as a Slytherin."

"That's where the Hat wanted me to go, originally. I talked it into Gryffindor because Ron was sure he was going to be there. But no, you're right. I couldn't be a Slytherin The 'Puffs might be fun. A lot of good people in Hufflepuff. I doubt I'm smart enough for Ravenclaw."

"Mate, don't try that 'I'm stupid' stuff with me. I've been working with you all summer. You've got horrible study habits, and atrocious handwriting, but you aren't stupid. You've kept up with me all summer, and even challenged me at times. I have long suspected that if I could have gotten Harri away from Ronnie her grades would have improved. You are proof of that. I like Ronnie, I like her a lot, but she is utterly lazy when confronted with anything she can't play Quidditch with or eat. You wait. Next week when we go to the Burrow for your birthdays, they won't have started their summer assignments yet, and we're done. You would do fine in Ravenclaw as long as you maintain your focus."

"Maintaining focus, now that's the rub isn't it? I'm fine here with you and your parents, but what I'm afraid of is once I get back to Hogwarts, I'll start fixating on what happened and start feeling sorry for myself again." He shook his head as if attempting to remove that thought from his mind. "On to more important matters than where I sleep this school year. What are we going to do about separating my Twin and Ronnie, and setting you up with Harri?"

"Well, we could double date…"

"Oh, don't even joke about that. I know Ron Weasley far too well to even think about Ronnie Weasley in any way that doesn't have me staying the hell away from her. She eats like him, she has his standards of cleanliness, no, no, no. No way in hell am I going on a date with any Weasley. Just the thought of it makes me queasy."

"Even the twins?"

"Especially the twins. Merlin only knows what those two lunatics would have rigged to explode."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Orestes and Harry took the knights bus to Ottery St. Catchpole on the morning of July 31st. Harry was feeling awkward to say the least. Yes it was his birthday, but it was not his party. Orestes insisted that he would be welcome, but there was just something wrong about his going to the Burrow under these conditions. These Weasleys didn't know him from Adam (or perhaps know him from Eve would be a better metaphor for this world) It was as the bus careened wildly to a stop in front of the path to the Burrow, Harry decided to attempt to quietly fade into the background. With the gregarious Weasley clan, this shouldn't be too hard.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Thomasina Riddle sat alone in her personal chambers carved out of caverns situated deep beneath the ancestral home of her despised Muggle mother. The Riddle fortune had evidently been based upon the profits of a smuggling operation with the caverns providing an easy hidden access to the sea. It amused her that the source of her Muggle side's fortune was now her sanctuary.

The call was out; her remaining Death Eaters were gathering recruits. The coffers of the Malfoy, Knott and Zambini families were open to her. The Ministry was a joke. Dumbledore was ancient and becoming feeble. Nothing stood between her and the power that was her birthright.

Nothing except the Potter girl. And the other.

It was so frustrating. Months of planning had resulted in coming so close to success. Crouch had succeeded in bringing young Miss Potter to the carefully planned trap. (Although in retrospect, precisely why such a complex plot had been needed eluded her, especially when Crouch could have just grabbed the girl at any time, escaped her, but that was water under the bridge). The creation of Riddle's new body went flawlessly, but then her ego got the better of her, when she had challenged Potter to what was supposed to be a one sided duel. How hard would it be to defeat a barely trained 4th year?

As it turned out, nowhere as easy as Riddle had imagined. The girl was fast, agile, and had a fair repertory of charms and hexes. Then she did whatever it was that linked their wands together accompanied by Phoenix song. Still despite still being weak from the rebirthing Riddle was about to defeat the girl when she was attacked from behind by a banished tombstone. This 'Other' ran right through her assembled Death Eaters, scooped up the Potter girl, made it to the Diggery girl, and summoned the portkey to make their escape.

Upon arrival back at Hogwarts, this Other immediately put suspicion upon Crouch in his Moody disguise thus losing her most important source of information. Her sources in the Ministry report that the Other was a Dimensional Traveler named Harry Potter. From a universe where genders were swapped and his 'Dark Lord' (a laughable concept) was a man named Tom Riddle who went by the unlikely alias of _**Lord Voldemort. **_

This 'explanation' for the Other raised more questions than it answered. Why had her counterpart with the anagram fetish expended the energy to banish the boy (allowing him to keep his wand of all things) instead of simply killing him? Was sending the boy her an intentional act, part of a prelude to more from his universe coming here?

What were the odds of a male Potter analog appearing in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time to make a difference in her battle with the Potter girl? This was maddening.

There was one good thing about this Other. At most he would be an inconvenience. He might be powerful, but there was no way the boy could possibly be aggressive enough to be a true threat.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Blanch Penelope Winifred Beth Dumbledore sat in her office contemplating the same topic. The Potter boy was throwing all of her plans off kilter. She couldn't even keep tabs on Harri like she used to. Each arcane instrument she had monitoring Harri Potter saw the boy as a second life force.

Why was the boy here? What would possess his Dark Lord to send him away instead of killing him outright? What havoc was the boy going to inspire here?

She looked over at the Sorting Hat. Should she have a talk with the Hat and 'suggest' that the boy be placed in a different house than Harri? How much psychological damage will being around a male version of yourself do to a young woman? What damage would seeing Harri do to the boy?

So many questions, so few answers. She checked her appointment calendar. Marcus would be her in a few moments… She sighed, they went through this every year, more complaints about the innate unfairness of her Potions Mistress. No matter how well she explained it, Marcus could never grasp the fact that the Slytherins needed special handling.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry's plan of fading into the background and allowing Harri to have her party with her friends seemed to be working well. He had noticed something disturbing. Arthur Weasley, this universe's Ginny Analog was active, gregarious and seemingly happy, but she never took her eyes off Harri. There was more than a bit of anger in his eyes when Orestes was with Harri. Had Ginny been like that? He would have to have a word with Orestes when they returned home.

Home. He was going to have to watch that. He was starting to think of the Grangers house as home. That was the path that led to disappointment.

"Harry isn't it?" Harry was startled. He hadn't noticed Ginevra Weasley, this universe's version of Arthur sitting in the next chair.

"Yes Mrs. Weasley."

"Not joining in on the fun?"

"I appreciate the invitation, but I don't really belong here. These are all Harri's friends, they don't really know me."

"Did the male Twins know you when they helped you get your trunk on the train?"

"No, they're just good… How did you know?"

"My girls helped a little lost waif with her trunk. Turns out she was someone special… Saved my only son she did, stood up to a dirty great basilisk at the age of 12. So did you." She took a sip of the drink in her hand. "Is your version of me fascinated by Muggles and their technology?"

"Yes. He told me once his goal in life is to understand how a Muggle airplane manages to fly."

"Smart man. That's my goal as well." She smiled. "Like I said my girls helped a waif that turned out to be someone special. Since you've been here, you saved Harri, You saved the Diggory girl, and you managed to focus attention on the Death Eater masquerading as Anastasia Moody, which led to the rescue of the real Moody. You managed to pull Orestes Granger out of his shell. He had more fun this summer than any he can remember, he told me so himself. You are a special person as well Harry Potter." She gestured toward the teens at the table. "Those kids are lucky to get a chance to know someone like you. Give them a chance, they'll get to know two someones like you."

Harry stood "Thank you Mrs. Weasley. The Adult Weasleys I meet always seem to be very wise people." He crossed to the table and joined in.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**Lovely Luna**

Just prior to dinner being served at Harri's birthday party, Professor McGonagall arrived. He had the year's Hogwarts letters. Harry noticed the envelopes for Orestes and Ronnie were somewhat bulkier than the rest. As a group, the envelopes were torn open and Harry was unsurprised when both Orestes and Ronnie had silver badges slide into their hands.

"Prefect?" Orestes said breathlessly. "You want me to be a Prefect?"

"Indeed Mr. Granger. You and Miss Weasley will be valuable additions to the Prefect ranks." The Scotsman had an odd look on his face. "I only wish there were room for more."

"Ronnie?" Orestes shot a glance to Harri. "Professor, could I have a word with you about the responsibilities of a Prefect?"

Harry watched as his friend went off with her transfiguration Professor. Orestes was almost as bad an actor as his twin. Harri had been crushed when he hadn't gotten the badge, but she wouldn't say a word to distract from the honor offered to her friends. Orestes on the other hand was going to find out how Ronnie was chosen over Harri or know the reason why.

Harry crossed to where his female self was standing looking a bit lost. "Hey."

"Happy Birthday." She said, pretending to be happy.

"Wanted to be a Prefect eh?"

"Yeah, a bit. Ronnie will do a good job."

"Right. She must be quite different than my Ron. He was lazy, unmotivated, and vindictive."

"She's my friend!"

"I never said she wasn't. Is she Prefect material?"

Harri smiled. "No. I guess not. Orestes will do a good job though."

"Dumbledore should have picked you and me. That would have confused people."

They both noticed Orestes returning to the Kitchen area. "I'm sorry Professor" he said, just a little too loudly, "with O.W.L.s coming up, I can't really see myself having the time to do a good job as a Prefect. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to decline."

Everyone in the room turned to look at Ronnie. "Hey, I'm keeping it, no worries."

"Oh the shame!" said Greta

"It's Penelope all over again" agreed Frieda

"She'll be shining her badge all summer."

"And she'll be needing a new hat"

"For that swelled head."

"Pranks will be banned."

"Innocent items will be confiscated"

While the twins were laying into Ronnie, Harry turned back to his own twin. "The school pissed Orestes off."

"What do you mean? What's going on, he's dreamed of being a Prefect since first year."

"Harri, I hope to god I wasn't as clueless with my friends as you are." Harry said quietly "Orestes thinks you should have been a Prefect, not Ronnie. I was watching his face. He went from delighted to angry in nothing flat. He found out why you weren't chosen, and it pissed him off, and he told the Professor to take his badge. Look at his face, he's ticked off."

Harri put her hand over her mouth. "Are you sure?"

"Oh yeah, look at him." Harry decided to do something that he hoped he wouldn't regret. "How do you feel about Orestes anyway?"

"He's one of my best friends."

"Not what I meant, and you know it. How did you feel when you saw him with Krum at the Yule Ball?"

"I…"

"I know I couldn't take my eyes off my Granger. I never realized just how beautiful she was."

"He did look good." Harri blushed a bit. "Ronnie spent half the night glaring at him, and the other half screaming at him."

"Weasley's are like that." Harry concentrated on not meeting his twin's eyes. "Orestes likes you. A lot."

"Of course he does, we're friends."

"Orestes and I are friends Harri. He's wants more than friendship from you."

"What?" She was startled.

"Quiet. You're attracting attention. If you want more than friendship, Orestes would be open to it. You and I never spoke about this, he swore me to secrecy. I'll deny everything. If you approach him, it's all your idea." Harry was suddenly subdued. "I wish someone had told me."

**---ooo000ooo---**

"So?" Harry and Orestes were back on the Knights Bus on the way back to the Granger home.

"What?"

Harry smiled at his friend. "You've been grinning like an idiot for about two hours, even though you turned down being a Prefect."

"Oh I couldn't believe that. The Headmistress thought that Harri had enough to 'worry about' without being a Prefect. The one thing she's worked for and earned, Dumbledore won't let her have, but the weight of the world? Pile that on the poor girl." Orestes face clouded. "I told Professor McGonagall that there was no way I would support a system that was so fundamentally unfair. I did the whole Owl thing to protect Ronnie's feelings."

"Yeah, I figured. Ok that covers why you were angry, why are you happy now?"

"Harri kissed me."

"Did she?"

"Like you didn't know. Thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"Going behind my back, breaking my confidence, and telling Harri how I felt."

"I did not."

"Oh please. Harri just spontaneously generated a clue about men? The girl who pined for months about Cheng Chang, just walked up to me out of the blue?" Orestes smiled. "Thank you."

**---ooo000ooo---**

August flew by. In between his twice a daily correspondence with Harri, Orestes was obsessing about their upcoming O.W.L.s and insisted that they begin revision now that their summer homework was done. At least the revision was relatively interesting. Orestes explained certain concepts of theory that he had never really understood before. Harry knew that his strength was in practical applications, but suddenly understanding HOW he was doing things, as opposed to WHAT he was doing cleared up many things about his spell work.

One of the things that this revision he was doing with Orestes clarified for him was the need to drop Divination once and for all. Aside from the momentary amusement that boggling this universes' Trelawney, he really didn't have any time for that nonsense anymore. If he couldn't find a real class, then a study period wouldn't go amiss. He made himself a note to speak with whoever ended up his head of house the evening they got back.

On the twentieth of August, during a break in their study period, Harry had gone to the kitchen to check on the soup he had simmering for dinner that night (the Grangers were boggled by the idea of having a soup on a hot day to cool off.) when he returned he found Orestes staring at the daily paper in horror. Harry could see that it was a Muggle paper, and was concerned what might be upsetting his friend.

"Harry, look at this."

"What is it?"

"Something happened in Surrey."

"What?" He took the paper from his friend. The story detailed how two people were found dead and on in an unexplained coma in Little Whinging. The three were found after no one had seen them for three weeks. The survivor, Vera Dursley, was showing no brain activity, and doctors were at a loss to explain what had happened. Her husband Phillip Dursley and their daughter Dolly Dursley had evidently also fallen into the same coma, but had expired from dehydration.

"Harry, the symptoms described are almost textbook examples of people who have received the Dementor's kiss."

"Merlin." Harry breathed. "What would Dementors be doing in Surrey?"

"I don't know, but we've got to let people know about this." He grabbed a sheet of parchment and started a letter. "Professor Dumbledore is who I should tell I guess."

"You know Harri better than I do. Is this going to mess with her?"

"I don't know. Phillip was her uncle, her father's brother. She hates the Dursleys, but I don't think she's want them dead." Orestes finished the note. Harry was amazed that he could hold a conversation and still fill a page in a tight script at the same time.

"That's how I feel about my Aunt and Uncle. She just can't catch a break can she?"

"I think that's a Potter thing. Except for a small group of friends, the universe seems to hate the both of you."

**---ooo000ooo---**

As usual, the Weasleys arrived at literally the last minute. Harry and Orestes had been waiting for them outside Platform 9 ¾, so as a consequence they were late as well. The six of them piled onto the train as it started to pull out of the station. The Twins took off to find their classmates, Ronnie headed forward for the Prefect meeting, his Badge shining proudly on new robes.

"Shall we go and find a compartment, then?" Harry asked.

Orestes and Harri exchanged looks.

"Er," said Harri.

"We're - well - Harri and I are supposed to go and meet someone. We've got to discuss… things." Orestes said awkwardly. Harri wasn't looking at her twin; she seemed to have become intensely interested in her shoes.

"Oh," said Harry. "Right. Fine."

"I don't think it will take the entire journey," said Orestes quickly. "We just need to go and, you know see someone and…"

"Fine," said Harry again. "Well, I - I might see you later, then."

"Yeah, definitely," said his Twin, casting a shifty, anxious look at Harry. "It's a pain having to go see him, I'd rather - but we have to -I mean, it's for a project and …"

"Just go" said Harry and he grinned.

"Come on," Arthur told him, "if we get a move on we'll be able to save them places." He frowned. "Assuming they come up for air."

In the very last carriage they met Nelly Longbottom, a fifth-year Gryffindor, her round face shining with the effort of pulling his trunk along.

"Hi, Harry" he panted. "Hi, Arthur every where's full… I can't find a seat…"

"What are you talking about?" said Arthur, who had squeezed past Nelly to peer into the compartment behind him. "There's room in this one, there's only Loony Lovegood in here"

Nelly mumbled something about not wanting to disturb anyone. Harry recalled the young girl he had seen in the halls a few times over the three years he went to school with her. He had never spoken with her, but he recalled she was one of the few 'claws not wearing a 'Potter Stinks' badge. He wondered what a male version was going to be like.

"Don't be silly," said Arthur, laughing, "she's all right."

She slid the door open and pulled her trunk inside. Harry and Nelly followed.

"Hi, Luna," said Arthur, "is it okay if we take these seats?"

The girl beside the window looked up. Harry was stunned. She was a she. Someone he remembered as a girl was a girl. Luna had unkempt, waist-length, dirty blonde hair, very pale eyebrows and wide eyes that gave her a look of permanently surprise. The girl gave off an aura of oddness. Perhaps it was the way she stuck her wand behind her left ear, or that she wore a necklace of Butterbeer corks, or the way she read her magazine upside-down. Her eyes ranged over Nelly and came to rest on Harry. She nodded.

"Thanks," said Arthur, smiling at her.

Harry and Nelly stowed the three trunks and sat down. Luna watched them over her upside-down magazine, which was called The Quibbler. She did not seem to need to blink very much. She stared and stared at Harry, who had taken the seat opposite her and was returning her stares.

"Had a good summer, Luna?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," said Luna dreamily, without taking her eyes off Harry. "Yes, it was quite enjoyable, you know. You're Harry Potter, the dimensional traveler" she added.

"I know I am," said Harry. "And you're Luna Lovegood. You're a girl."

"Well observed." The blonde said quietly.

Nelly chuckled. Luna turned her pale eyes on him instead.

"And I don't know who you are."

"I'm nobody," said Nelly hurriedly.

"No you're not," said Arthur sharply. "Nelly Longbottom - Luna Lovegood. Luna's in my year, but in Ravenclaw."

"Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure," said Luna in a singsong voice.

She raised her upside-down magazine high enough to hide her face and fell silent. Harry continued to stare at her open mouthed. Nelly looked at Arthur with her eyebrows raised. Arthur suppressed a laugh.

The train rattled onwards, speeding them out into open country. It was an odd, unsettled sort of day; one moment the carriage was full of sunlight and the next they were passing beneath ominously grey clouds.

"I'm hungry. By the time the cart gets here nothing will be left. I'm going to go get something." said Nelly.

Arthur looked at the staring Harry and the oblivious Luna. "Sounds good, I'll go with you." Harry never noticed. He was trying to understand just how this girl could possibly be a girl.

Luna finally noticed the attention. "Can I help you?"

"You're a girl."

"Yes, we established that."

"No. You don't understand." Harry said, running his hand through his hair. "In my world there was a girl named Luna Lovegood. Every person I've met here is the opposite gender from the person I knew, including a version of myself. But you, you're a girl."

"Perhaps I enjoy being a girl, and refuse to change." She cocked her head. "Perhaps you only thought that the Lovegood you knew was a girl; perhaps it was actually an effeminate boy. Or perhaps I'm the same girl you saw in your original world, but I know not to make dramatic entrances when doing a dimensional transfer."

That shocked him. She had lost all the dreamy drifty looks when thinking that through. Was she as 'loony' as her reputation would have him believe?

"That's a lot to think about." He said watching her face closely. "I hear they call you 'loony'."

"An unfortunate nickname." She suddenly seemed to realize she had been a little too focused for her reputation, and started watching what he thought to be an invisible insect as it flew about the carriage.

"So, how is 'Loony' working out for you?" Harry asked, still watching her expressions.

"Not bad. Not bad at all. Almost no one looks deeper than the surface. It's amazing how much one can get done when no one questions what you're doing."

She held his gaze. Harry felt very stupid, but he had to ask.

"Are you a dimensional traveler who knows enough to not make dramatic entrances?"

"No, just a school girl with an uncommon outlook on life. I don't know why I'm the exception to your dimensional gender swap Harry. I wish I could tell you the reason for why I'm the exception, but someone had to be. I'm glad it's me."

"Glad?"

"Of course. How could I not be glad? A handsome boy talking to loonie old me?" she leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner and whispered "By the way, you're supposed to be demure and wait for me to make the first move in the mating dance."

"Mating dance?" he choked.

"You're too easy Harry. There have been a dozen faces in the windows during our conversation, noticing that we are speaking. I'm afraid you might end up with something of a reputation… The kind that makes boys fathers angry and girls happy…"

Harri and Orestes did not turn up for nearly an hour, and when they did, their hair was mussed, and clothing slightly askew. Ronnie followed them a few moments behind.

"I'm starving," said Ronnie, grabbing a Chocolate Frog from Harry and throwing herself into the seat next to him. She ripped open the wrapper, bit off the frog's head and leaned back with her eyes closed as though she had had a very exhausting morning.

"Guess who's a Slytherin prefect?" said Ron, still with his eyes closed.

"Malfoy," replied Harry.

"Course," said Ron bitterly, stuffing the rest of the Frog into his mouth and taking another. "Who else would it be? That clown Parkinson too," said Ronnie viciously. "How he got to be a Prefect when he's thicker than a concussed troll…"

"Who's Hufflepuff?" Harri asked.

"Erin Macmillan and Haden Abbott," said Ronnie thickly. "Toni Goldstein and Padmaj Patil for Ravenclaw,"

"You went to the Yule Ball with Padmaj Patil," said a vague voice.

Everyone turned to look at Luna Lovegood, who was gazing unblinkingly at Ronnie over the top of her Quibbler.

"Yeah, I know I did," she said, looking mildly surprised.

"He didn't enjoy it very much," Luna informed him. "He doesn't think you treated him very well, because you wouldn't dance with him."

She retreated behind The Quibbler again. Ronnie stared at the cover with her mouth hanging open for a few seconds, and then looked around at Arthur for some kind of explanation, but Arthur had stuffed his fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Ronnie shook her head, bemused, and then checked her watch.

"We're supposed to patrol the corridors every so often,"

"Who's 'we'?" asked Nelly.

"Oh, Larry Brown."

"I thought he didn't like Larry. He told me most specifically to call him Lawrence." Harry was confused.

"Larry lets me call him anything I want. He'd do anything for his 'Wonnie'." She smiled. "I can't wait to start handing out punishments. Crabbe and Goyle are going to have an interesting year."

"You're not supposed to abuse your position, Ron!" said Orestes sharply.

"Yeah, right, because Malfoy won't abuse it at all," said Ronnie sarcastically.

"So you're going to descend to her level?"

"No, I'm just going to make sure I get her friends before she gets mine."

"For heaven's sake, Ronnie -"

Harry shook his head; he missed it as the compartment door opened again.

Harry looked around; he was caught unaware by the sight of _Thubani_ Malfoy smirking at him from between her cronies Crabbe and Goyle any more enjoyable.

"Oh damn it Malfoy! If you're going to sneak around like that at least have the common decency to wear a bell. You could hurt someone surprising them with that much ugly."

"Manners, Potter boy or I'll have to give you a detention," drawled Malfoy, whose sleek blond hair and pointed chin were just like her mothers. "You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments."

"Yeah," said Harry, "but you, unlike me, are so ugly you could gag a buzzard on a gut wagon, so get out and leave us alone."

Ronnie, Orestes, Arthur and Nelly laughed. Malfoy's lip curled, and she turned her bile on to Harri.

"Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter girl?" he asked.

"Shut up, Malfoy," said Orestes sharply.

"Actually I'm quite used to the Weasley's out doing me in things Malfoy, they're great wizards" Harri said. "But I have to agree with my twin, you do need to start wearing that Bell."

"I seem to have touched a nerve," said Malfoy, smirking. "Well, just watch yourselves, Potters, because I'll be dogging your footsteps in case you step out of line."

"Get out!" said Orestes, standing up.

Sniggering, Malfoy gave Harri a last malicious look and turned to depart, with Crabbe and Goyle lumbering along in her wake. Harry reached out and slapped her on the rear.

"Oops, I seem to have touched an ass. And a pathetically misshapen one too." Harry smirked up at the stunned Slytherin. "Be careful making sharp turns Malfoy, you might snap your little trolly girls' necks." Standing he shoved the Slytherins out the door and slid it closed..

"Chuck us another Frog," said Ronnie.

"We'd better change," said Orestes, and all of them took turns opening their trunks and pulled on their school robes. Ronnie pinned her Prefect badge carefully to his chest. Harry saw Ronnie checking her reflection in the black window.

**---ooo000ooo---**

The first years were sorted; Professor Dumbledore stood before the assembled school and signaled for quiet.

"As I'm sure many of you recall, last year Hogwarts played host to the Tri-Witch Tournament. Through the schemes of The Dark Lady Riddle, and the Death Eater that infiltrated the school, Miss Harriett Potter became the second Hogwarts Champion behind Cecelia Diggory. The final task was a trap, with both the Hogwarts Champions whisked away to a death trap."

"We were fortunate that day that in some sort of cosmic accident, a Dimensional traveler chanced upon our students as they fought for their lives. This Dimensional traveler comes from a universe where all genders are swapped. He is an analog of our own Miss Potter. His name is Harry Potter."

"Our visitor, having saved the lives of our students, is trapped here. He has chosen to enroll here at Hogwarts as a fifth year student. In his original universe he was sorted into Gryffindor house. I believe it is time to see what our Sorting Hat things of young Mr. Potter. Mr. Potter, if you would?"

Feeling quite the fool, Harry advanced to the stool and picked up the hat. He sat, trying to ignore the stares he was getting from every person in the hall. He placed the hat on his head. At least it fit like a hat and not a hood this time.

"How odd." A extremely female voice said in his head. "I see you've been sorted before, but not by me. Thank you young Potter, after a thousand years of sorting students' novelty is always something to be appreciated."

"A good mind you've got there. And Bravery, oh yes you've got Bravery. I see a hat very like myself suggested Slytherin the first time you were sorted. Are you still against that?"

"Yes. The first time I did not like a boy sorted into that house, now I find their values to be repulsive." Harry thought.

"Hmm. An interest in a Ravenclaw I see, but I don't see the drive for knowledge that would allow you to fit in there. So much Bravery, but a desire to not come into conflict with your twin… The loyalty you show to your fellows is impressive. Yes, your mind is good, your planning cunning, your heart is brave, but foremost you are loyal. It is rare for a student to suit sorting into all four houses. Mr. Potter, I'm afraid I'm going to have to say…"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the hat cried out loud.

The badgers erupted into applause, the Slytherins started laughing and jeering. A slight blonde witch at the Ravenclaw table stood and began to applaud, and the Gryffindors were shocked into silence. Harry stood and crossed to the Hufflepuff table and sat next to a pair of newly sorted first years, shaking a few hands.

Harry sat quietly waiting for the meal to begin, exchanging pleasantries with those who spoke with him first. He concentrated on keeping his depression at bay. For some reason he found himself attempting to catch the eye of a certain Ravenclaw, but she never looked his way.

Orestes raised his goblet in a toast. Harry nodded to him and silently wished his friend luck.

**---ooo000ooo---**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**Sociable Badgers**

Following the Welcoming feast Harry was in the Hufflepuff dorms, unpacking. This time, everything was new, having arrived in this reality with only the clothing on his back and his wand. Orestes had helped him pick out the first (other than school uniforms) new clothing he had ever owned. When they were purchasing their books for school, Harry had made sure to quietly pick up a few of the books Orestes had been staring at longingly. His twin had given him access to the family trust, and he had used it, rationalizing that he would have done the same for her.

As he was putting the last of his things away, the door opened and a pair of his dorm mates arrived. The Tall blond approached and stuck out his hand.

"Stu Bones. Good to meet you Harry. That ginger mass of freckles is Haden Abbott."

Harry shook his hand, and then reached out to do the same with Abbott. "I guess this is pretty weird isn't it?"

"What? That an identical twin brother of the Girl who Lived is living in our dorm?" Haden Abbott looked bored. "Nah, happens all the time. Now if you were the identical twin brother of ThubaniMalfoy, we might have problems with it."

"Though Haden might have to think twice before setting up his usual shrine to all things Harri this year." Bones laughed.

"It's just a couple of posters of her playing Quidditch." Haden protested. "Anyway, we were sent up here to get you. You need to get a proper welcome to the House."

"I don't know if I'd be the best person in a social situation."

Bones put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Look mate, I can't even imagine what you've been through. When I think about the amount of crap Harri was put through last year, you must have been through something similar. Look, when you got here, you could have turned and run, but you waded into a fight that wasn't yours and saved two of ours. Harri and Cecelia are alive because of you."

"Cecelia wasn't just from Hogwarts; she was a 'Puff. We owe you Harry. 'Puffs pay their debts." He smiled. "Besides, a lot of the girls down there think you're cute."

"But we'll protect your virtue." Haden added. "Why should you get all the attention?"

**---ooo000ooo---**

"Blanch, I must protest."

The headmistress looked up from the paperwork in front of her. "Really Silvia? What might you be protesting this time, pray tell." These staff meetings were usually quite pointless, especially when Silvia and Marcus got into heated discussions over Harri Potter. Those heated discussions usually started with Silvia Snape saying "Blanch, I must protest."

"The attention you are willing to give to this supposedly male Potter."

"What would you have me do Silvia? Cast him loose to the world? He, at great risk to himself, brought two of our students back from a death trap. The Goblins accept him as a Potter. Young Harri accepts him as a Potter. He is most certainly a young man of significant power, his place is here."

"His being here will focus the Dark Lady's attention of Hogwarts." Silvia Snape snapped. "Her anger at a mere boy interfering with her duel with Harriett Potter is fearsome to behold."

"Oh yes." A booming voice came from the far side of the Staff lounge. "After all she has left us so entirely alone before, it's not like she had her agents kidnap a pair of our student is it? Really Silvia, your hatred of all things Potter is getting to be tiresome."

The Potions Mistress turned to face the Herbology Master. "When I want your opinion Sprout, I'll give it to you."

"Watch yourself Professor. Annoy the wrong person and certain courtesies extended to colleagues might be withdrawn."

"Phaleon… "

"Save it Blanch. You've allowed her to whine about Miss Potter for 5 years now, and she's started in on Mr. Potter today." The big man leaned forward on the table. "Mr. Potter is a Hufflepuff. Remember that Silvia. Marcus might let you get away with your crap against his Griffs, but trying any of your usual brand of preferential treatment from here on against my 'Puffs and you might cause it to become difficult to find plant based potions ingredients. Imagine how badly impacted your retirement fund might be if you actually had to pay for your ingredients."

Snape drew her self to her full height. "You dare?"

"Gentlemen, Ladies, Silvia has my complete trust."

"Then you're blind Blanch." Filia Flitwick manipulated a rune cluster and a graph shimmered into existence over the table. "This shows the house point system for last year. If this isn't enough, I have the breakdown for every year since Silvia started here. Amazingly Silvia is responsible for the removal of the majority of all house points from every house except one. Guess which one?" She removed her glasses and cleaned them on the hem of her robes. "By what I am sure is a sheer co-incidence, what ever house is in the lead for the house cup suddenly has a rash of large point reductions, unless of course that house is Slytherin. Silvia is responsible for awarding 53 percent and docks 2 percent of the Slytherin points. I award 34 percent and dock 39 percent of the Ravenclaw points, Phaleon awards 28 percent and docks 31 percent of the Hufflepuff points. Marcus awards 19 percent and docks 43 percent of the Gryffindor points."

"Since Silvia became the head of Slytherin, Hufflepuff hasn't come close in the House Cup. Odd, given the amount of cooperation and school spirit my house has." Phaleon Sprout terminated the rune display. "Ravenclaw has only managed it once, and that was the year when Slytherin was actually caught in their Quidditch cheating scandal. We've asked time and again for you to do something Blanch, you always tell us that Silvia has your confidence and you create another year of cheaters, liars and thieves. Filia and I are sick of it, if you won't do anything about it, we will."

"What are you saying?"

"Aren't you paying attention Silvia? Filia and I spoke at length over the summer. We are going to hold your students to the same standards to which you hold ours. We will be monitoring each and every point addition and subtraction, and if in our view those points were awarded or deducted unfairly, well let's see how well your arrogant children survive without the advantage of your coddling. This is a competition you cannot win, because you couldn't possibly be a bigger bitch to our House members while coddling your own. Simply put, Blanch isn't going to protect you and your blatant favoritism any more, unless she wants to fire several of us… Headmistress?"

"Phaleon, Filia, please. You don't understand the careful grooming that those sorted into Slytherin require."

"As Phaleon said Blanch that is the attitude that has resulted in a Slytherin house that believes cheating to win is perfectly acceptable." Argo Sinistra spoke up. "It wasn't that way in my day. In fact, I specifically recall you getting some personal instruction from a few fifth years when you were caught cheating in your first year Silvia. In my day honor was a cornerstone of the house ethos."

"Since we cannot trust the Headmistress to be fair in this, several of us have decided to match you grade for grade, detention for detention, point for point. If that is what it takes to level the playing field, so be it. These children deserve a level playing field."

With that comment from Filia Flitwick, the staff meeting effectively ended. Blanch Dumbledore was getting the first clue that she was losing control of the situation. Looking back on it later, she would realize that it had all started with the male Potter.

**---ooo000ooo---**

As requested Harry reported to the office of his new Head of House. Hoping that he hadn't managed to get into trouble already, he knocked hesitantly on the door.

"Come in."

Harry entered the office. It was full of plants of every time, including a few roaming vines that inched their way up and down the walls as if they were in search of something.

"Ah, Mr. Potter. As I said last night, welcome to Hufflepuff House. It's a little odd to be welcoming a fifth year to the house. You were in Gryffindor the first time around were you not?"

"Yes Professor."

"Might I ask why the Hat chose Hufflepuff for you this time?"

"The Hat wanted to put me into Slytherin, but I find their values repulsive. It said I would do well in any of the houses. It knew that I didn't want to come into conflict with Harri, and that I doubted I had the drive to do well in Ravenclaw, despite wanting to get to know a Ravenclaw Witch better. The Hat said that I had the loyalty needed to do well in Hufflepuff, and it was the only house I didn't have a reason not to go to."

"So Hufflepuff was your last choice?"

"No Professor, Hufflepuff was the only house I didn't have a good reason not to be in. Not the same thing at all."

The man laughed. "Don't worry Harry, just playing with you. The Hat wanted to put me into Gryffindor, but I couldn't see myself as being as reckless enough to be a Gryff. As I recall you wanted to speak with me about your schedule."

"Yes. I was hoping to drop Divination, and pick up something a bit less 'fuzzy'."

"I believe the Muggle Studies course is still open."

"No offense Professor, but I suspect I could ace the Muggle Studies N.E.W.T. the first day I set foot in Hogwarts. In my home dimension, I've had some disappointing conversations with the Muggle Studies Professor; she thought a spanner was some sort of jewelry. I've also wondered at the wisdom of having a pureblood teach Muggle Studies, the text is more than 60 years out of date, and was simplistic even for then. From what I heard from others raised in the Muggle world, the text and the instructor were completely unaware that Muggles had been to the moon, and that their robots had explored significant portions of the Solar System."

Sprout laughed again. "I know what you mean; I got an O in Muggles Studies myself, with the help of Muggle born friends. Well how about Ancient Runes then?"

"Runes would be good. Thank you Professor. I took a chance and got the text to be on the safe side. Orestes Granger has been helping me catch up over the summer."

A few signatures later, Harry Potter had left Sprouts office. The Professor stood and threw a pinch of flu powder into the fire place. "Prissy Luton"

"Yes Phaleon?"

"Could you tell me what a spanner is?" Sprout asked the Muggle Studies Professor.

"It's an article of Muggle jewelry."

"That's what I thought, but I just had an interview with a Muggle Raised student who told me that it was not in any way jewelry."

"Seriously? I'll have to research that."

Sprout refrained from suggesting that said research could probably be done by asking a few of the many Muggle born students in the castle.

**---ooo000ooo---**

"Mr. Potter."

"Miss Thomas." Harry looked up from the remains of his dinner into the dancing brown eyes of Deidre Thomas.

"How's Hogwarts treating you Harry?"

"Getting along, I guess. How about you?"

She smiled again, and crossed her arms under her breasts practically pushing them into his face. "Oh, I'm fine. I was kind of looking forward to getting to know you a bit better Harry."

**Oh god. Oh god. Oh god**. "Deidre, that can't really happen."

She reached across the table and took hold of his hand. "I think I might be able to convince you otherwise Harry."

He pulled away from her. "Deidre, you know my story. I spent four years in a dorm with a guy named Dean Thomas, crazy for football, crazy for girls."

"Sounds like my kind of guy."

"Yeah, but I know all about him. I know what foods give him gas; I know how hilarious we all found that. I know that he talks in his sleep, calling football games actually. I know that he's a top flight wizard, but has no intention of taking a magical occupation after leaving Hogwarts; he intends to be an artist. But more importantly I know that I accidentally walked in on him and Lavender Brown in the 4th year bath last year. He had her against the wall, and they were going at it like large naked bunnies. I couldn't look him in the eye for a week, and I never did manage to talk to Lavender again."

"But, I…"

"Deidre, in every way that counts, you are Dean Thomas to me. You have his face, you have his attitude, you have his mannerisms, and you have his voice inflections. I will ever be able to look at you without seeing Dean with Lavender and the noises she was making."

"Good with the ladies was he?"

"Oh god yes. Dean was the first of us with a girl friend, the first to touch breasts, the first to have sex. We called him a hound. It was a compliment."

"Well that's the most original rejection I've ever gotten. I can't imagine being male, but you've convinced me." She leaned across the table and kissed him on his cheek. "Your loss." She stood and walked away. Harry forced himself to not stare at her receding rear end, and not to touch his cheek where she had kissed him. He needed to get hold of himself. He couldn't keep reacting this way.

**---ooo000ooo---**

After a bit of exploring, Harry finally found an unused classroom that obviously wasn't routinely used for romantic rendezvous. He stood in the center of the room trying to focus on what he wanted to do.

He had to face facts. The constant looks and whispers were getting to him. It was so much worse than even last year when everyone thought that he had somehow defeated Dumbledore's security and gotten his name into the Goblet of Fire. Then he was stared at and whispered about for being a liar and a cheat. Now they were staring at him and whispering because he was a freak of nature. His every move was analyzed and cataloged in an attempt to figure out what weird thing he was likely to do next. It was getting to him.

Harry had to find a way to blow off some steam. He needed to use his magic in dramatic and destructive ways, and he really wanted to do it in a way that didn't attention to himself. To find that he needed help. At Hogwarts if you wanted help, and you wanted it quietly, there was only one person to call.

"Dobby?" He said experimentally. Was Dobby named Dobby here? Everything else was changed, even Crookshanks was a female named Brunhilda. Should he be calling 'Debby?"

There was a pop and a small house elf was suddenly in the room with him.

"Yes Harriett Potter Miss?" The elf was taken aback when he saw just who had called him. "You is not Harriett Potter Miss. But you is using her magic. But you is not Harriett Potter Miss."

"I'm Harry Potter Dobby. I'm… I'm sort of Harriett's brother."

The elf reached out as if touching the air a few inches from Harry's body. "You magic is almost same as Harriett Potter Miss. You is Harry Potter?"

"Yes I am Dobby." He sat on the floor to put himself eye level with the elf. "I was hoping I could ask a favor of you Dobby."

Dobby started to hop about in an almost demented dance, while tears ran from his eyes. "You is like Harriett Potter Miss, you ask just like she. Wizards never ask elves. Wizards tell. Except for Harriett Potter Miss, and Harriett Potter Miss'es Grangy. What can Dobby do for Harry Potter?"

"I need to find a place where I can practice Defense against the Dark Arts without being seen by others. I need a place to practice, where the noise and destruction won't be noticed."

He half expected the elf's smile to vanish, his ears to droop; he expected him to say it was impossible, or that Dobby would try to find somewhere. What he had not expected was for Dobby to give a little hop of excitement, his ears waggling cheerfully, clapping his hands together.

"Dobby knows the perfect place, sir!" The elf said happily. "Dobby heard of it from the other elves when he came to Hogwarts, Harry Potter sir. It is known by us as the Come and Go Room, Harry Potter sir, or else as the Room of Requirement!"

"Why?" said Harry curiously.

"Because it is a room that a person can only enter," said Dobby seriously, "when they have need of it. Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it is not, but when it appears, it is always has what the needer needs. Mr. Filch has found extra cleaning supplies there when he has run short, sir, and -"

"And if you really needed a bathroom," said Harry, suddenly remembering something

his Dumbledore had said at the Yule Ball the previous Christmas, "would it fill itself with chamber pots?"

"Dobby expects so, Harry Potter sir," said Dobby, nodding earnestly. "It is a most wonderful room, Harry Potter sir."

"How many people know about it?" said Harry.

"Very few, Harry Potter sir. Mostly peoples stumble across it when they needs it, Harry Potter sir, but often they never finds it again, for they do not know that it is always there waiting to be called into service, Harry Potter sir."

"It sounds brilliant," said Harry, his heart racing. "It sounds perfect, Dobby. Can you tell me where it is and how to use it?"

**---ooo000ooo---**

**Okay**, said Harry to himself, pausing for a moment to watch Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed to death once again by the members of his All Troll Ballet troop. **Dobby said to walk past this bit of wall three times, concentrating hard on what I need**.

He did so, turning sharply at the window just past the blank stretch of wall, then at the man-sized vase on its other side. Harry's fists were clenched as he stared ahead of him.

**I need somewhere to learn to fight… **he thought**. Just give me a place to practice… somewhere no one can find me… **

A highly polished door had appeared in the wall. Harry reached out, taking hold of the brass handle, and pulled the door open, stepping into a spacious room lit with flickering torches like those that illuminated the dungeons. The walls were lined with bookcases and rather than chairs there were large fabric cushions on the floor. A set of shelves at the far end of the room carried a range of targets and automatons for use in practice duels.

Harry approached the bookshelves and ran his finger along the spines of the large leather-bound tomes. A Compendium of Common Curses and their Counter-Actions… The Dark Arts Outwitted… Self-Defensive Hexes made Easy…

This place was exactly what he needed, both to learn and to work off his frustrations. He closed his eyes and concentrated on having the room activate the dueling targets. Opening his eyes, he drew his wand and began to work off the anger of the last four days.

**---ooo000ooo---**

"Hello Stranger."

"Luna!" Harry caught himself before he screeched her name like an idiot on one of Dudley's sitcoms. "I haven't had a chance to speak with you since the train. How are you?"

"Still quite Loony thank you. Now that we've both finished dinner, I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk around the lake, perhaps we'll see some Slortles."

"That would be nice. Thank you."

Harry had no idea what he was doing, but he stood from the table, and walked with Luna from the Great Hall, very close, but neither touching the other.

It wasn't until they were out in the brisk September evening air that he asked the question. "So what's a 'Slortle'?"

"It's a magical hybrid of a turtle and a slug. They leave the most spectacular slime trails."

"Ah, yes I guess they would." Harry wasn't sure if she was having him on or not. He had to get to know this blonde witch; he needed to earn her trust so that he could find out for sure if the whole 'loony' thing was an act or not.

They strolled for more than an hour, discussing things of no consequence. He told her of growing up not knowing about magic or having friends, she told him of growing up with her loving parents, until her father died in a spell creation accident when Luna was nine. The sun set and the stars burned in the moonless sky.

Luna stopped in the shadow of a close of trees and lightly kissed Harry. Once again, she was all he could think of. He stood stock still as she danced away toward the castle. "See you tomorrow Harry?"

"Yes, certainly. Yes." As she disappeared into the castle he started to hit himself on the head. **Stupid stupid stupid stupid**.

**---ooo000ooo---**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER SIX**

**Accidental Discoveries**

The Dark Mark of Dark Lady Riddle hung in the sky over the Wizarding Day school just outside Basingstoke. Fifty-six children between the ages of 5 and 10 along with all nine of the adult staff were dead. Almanzo Bones shook his head as he watched yet another of his Aurors made a hurried exit. He wasn't sure what was worse, that the sight was turning the stomachs of so many of his Aurors, or the fact that the scene was having no affect on him what so ever. This was to Bones proof positive that the Potter girl was right. Riddle was back. Horrors of this level hadn't happened since October 1981. None of the Death Eaters had the gall to do these things on their own; it was only with that horrible woman's direct guidance that these things happened.

Once again the sight of the pile of tiny heads assaulted his sense of justice. Bones had lived through the first rise of the Dark Lady partnered with Anastasia Moody. Moody always got the worst jobs, and as her partner Bones was along for the ride. All too many times Bones had been the one outside reviewing what his last meal had consisted of.

"Sorry Boss."

Bones regarded the Auror. No Auror Cadet. "Don't apologize for being human cadet. If you ever get the point that this doesn't bother you, I wouldn't want to know you. You're doing as well as most of the Veterans. When do you graduate?"

"In May." The Cadet shuddered. "Is there always this much blood?"

"No. Only on the Dark Lady raids."

"Then she really is back?"

"Look around you cadet. Who else had done things like this?"

Bones and the Cadet jumped at the voice.

"Damn it Anastasia! Do I have to explain to you what retirement means again?" How does someone with a wooden leg sneak up on you like that?

"I unretired as soon as that mark was cast into the sky. Did I see your hair change color cadet?"

The man blushed a bit. "I'm a Metamorphmagus. It's made some things easier, like concealment and evasion, but my sense of balance leaves a lot to be desired. "

"Ah, yes. Cadet Tonks. I've heard good things about you, and yes your instructors agree, your balance is crap." Bones smiled at the cadet. "Are you feeling alright now?"

"Yes sir."

"Back to your supervisor then."

"They make book on the number of times the boy falls in a day don't they Almanzo?"

"Yes they do Anastasia. I won 5 galleons on him in the pool last month. And I thought 53 would be unreasonably high…" Almanzo Bones squared his shoulders. Back to business. "Why are you really here Anastasia?"

"The Dark Lady's minions humiliated me last year. I can't let that go."

"So what are your plans?" He knew Moody all too well. The elder Auror held a grudge like no one else. If she was humiliated then revenge would be delivered.

"My first thought is to contact Dumbledore for access to Potter."

"Well, she stopped him once I guess. I'm not sure what she can do for you though."

"No, not the Potter girl. The Potter boy. He arrived and attacked Riddle almost blind, and still got away with it. He's the key. There's a prophesy about the Potter Girl and Riddle, but Dumbledore won't tell anyone what it is. The boy didn't just show up here by chance. He has to be part of that prophesy."

"I'm not sure I agree with your logic there Anastasia, but Blanch shouldn't have that many problems with you talking to him. She still owes you quite a few favors as I recall."

"Even if she doesn't allow it, there are still ways."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry collapsed amidst the shattered targets in the Room of Requirements, sweat pouring from his body. He had lasted almost an hour this time. It still wasn't enough, but it was an improvement. Wormtail had taken him down entirely too easily. Because he wasn't ready Cedric had died. Because he was stupid and impulsive he had left his friends defenseless against Voldemort. He needed to be able to prevent the Dark Lady from doing the same thing to his twin.

Harry had been through all the defense books in t he Library, he wasn't making any progress in that respect. None of the curses and hexes he had found were going to impress the Dark Lady. He needed to be trained. He had reached the limits of what he could do on his own. He needed a teacher. Dumbledore wouldn't do it, she was as annoyingly passive as his own had been. There had to be someone who could teach him enough to be a real threat to a Dark Lady… or a Dark Lord.

"Crucio!"

Harry's universe dissolved into pain. The curse was held for less than a quarter of a second, but it seemed to be an eternity. When the pain was gone, his vision cleared and he found himself staring into the blood red eyes of… Voldemort?

"Get up Potter. It's time to train, not to lie on the ground whining."

Harry rose slowly facing the Dark Wizard. "What are you doing here? I thought with me out of the way you were going to rule the world."

The humanoid snake looked amused. "Idiot, don't you pay attention to what you are doing, to where you are?" He shook his head disgustedly. "You are in the room of requirements; you were focused on needing someone to train you to fight me. Who better to do that than me?"

"You're a construct of the room? The room can make people?"

"Of course it can, as long as you require them sufficiently." The snake man construct saw the panic in the boy's eyes. "Quit worrying fool. I cannot leave this room, nor will I try to kill you. When you don't require me, I disappear." An evil caricature of a grin caused the snake man's lips to twist horribly. "Of course failing to meet my training objectives will be somewhat painful…"

For once in his existence Riddle wasn't lying. Any imperfection of technique was immediately punished by a crucio. The pain curses were not physically damaging like the real thing, but the pain itself was something to be avoided. Having had enough Harry dodged the next one to come his way.

"It's about time Potter. I was wondering how long you were going to let me keep using you as a punching bag."

"You wanted me to dodge them?"

"Not at all. I am who I am, hurting you is quite entertaining, but if I am to fulfill my purpose you need to learn."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry closed his eyes and concentrated on the room giving him a place to relax. Voldemort was gone when he reopened his eyes, as was the battlefield they had been using. In its place he found a massage table and hot tub, full of bubbling water.

Harry regarded the massage table. In order for that to be of use to him, he would need to have the room create a masseuse. He was hesitant about having the room create people. The concept disturbed him, the thought of creating thinking beings to serve him in the short term, which would have no other purpose or ambition in life seemed to just be wrong. He bowed to the logic of the room, he needed Riddle. He had advanced further in the three hours with the shade of that lunatic than he had in the entire rest of his life. He disrobed and climbed into the bubbling water of the hot tub, allowing the heat to leech the pain from his muscles.

Balance. His life needed balance. If he put everything into this training, they would be locking him into a rubber room. He smiled. Did the Wizarding world have psychiatric hospitals? Luna's birthday was coming up. Maybe he could ask her to the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend to discover what she might want. Would she be interested in going with him? Would she be open to his asking? There were so many aspects of this reality that he instinctively got wrong. Luna had asked him to go for that walk around the lake, and had kissed him. Would his approaching her be offensive?

It was so hard to know what to do. His cultural instincts told him to do things that this culture said were completely utterly wrong. Still, if he wanted to spend time with the girl, maybe it was time to swallow his fear and step up.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Blanch Dumbledore was concerned about the male Potter. He was doing well in his classes, even Silvia never had anything bad to say about him (though how much of that was owed to the threats of the other teachers remained to be seen. The boy seemed to be relatively popular with his classmates. But there was something wrong. She couldn't quite put her finger on what was wrong, but she knew from Phaleon that he didn't spend much time in the Hufflepuff common room. He was quiet, respectful, and studious, but he was so very different when compared to his 'twin'. So very different than the impression he presented when he first arrived in this reality.

The Grangers had written asking about Harry's condition, saying that his letters to them seemed to be out of character from the young man they had come to know over the summer. Dumbledore had approached Harri Potter about her 'twin'. She admitted that she hadn't seen all that much of the young man since school started. Orestes Granger said the same, shame facedly admitting that he had been so involved in his new romance with Miss Potter that his friendship with Mr. Potter had suffered.

None of the Weasleys had much contact with the male Potter, though both of the twins and Veronica said that they were willing to date the boy if it would help (and even if it wouldn't.) Potter's dorm mates were loyal to a fault, as is proper for Hufflepuffs, saying that he was respectful of them in the dorms, never late coming in, never messy, always helping with the cleaning the dorm, and picked up after himself. The women of Hufflepuff house complained that he was never in the common room and didn't seem interested in any of them, but beyond that thought he was a perfect member of the house

Perhaps that is what disturbed Dumbledore the most. The boy was seemingly perfect.

Yet he disappeared for hours on end, especially on the weekends. It was theoretically impossible for someone to be in the castle without her knowing, but the tracking charms regularly blanked for the boy. It was if the castle himself was hiding the boy from Dumbledore's observations. The female Potter was too involved in her budding romance with the Granger boy to be paying all that much attention to the male Potter. It had been noted by a few of the professors that Mr. Potter was infatuated with the Lovegood girl.

Could that be the problem? Was he worried about nothing more than teenaged hormones?

**---ooo000ooo---**

Riddle sat before here kneeling Death Eaters. "Report."

Lucile Malfoy rose from the floor. "My daughter reports that the boy has returned to the school My Lady. He does not associate with the Potter girl routinely, though he has formed a friendship with the Mudblood Granger, who the Potter girl is using to further pollute her bloodline. He has also been seen with the Lovegood girl. My daughter also reports that he disappears for hours on end, and that no one can find him during those times."

"And he is actually a version of Harriet Potter from another reality?"

"So Dumbledore believes, and has reported to the Board of Governers. He is from a reality where all the genders are flipped." Malfoy reported, confirming earlier reports Riddle had received from his contacts inside the school.

"Lucile! I understand that this will be a Hogmeade Weekend for Dumbledore's students. Take five of the new recruits and kill as many of the children as you can find. If you come across either of the Potters, cripple them and bring them to me."

"Of course My Lady." Malfoy smiled. A little mayhem was always so cathartic.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Outside the Shrieking Shack, Harry and Luna strolled hand in hand. They had spent the day in Hogsmeade, shopping, a meal, just hanging out. Harry was pleased. He had found the balance he had been seeking

"I'm glad you asked me out today Harry. Though if you continue to be so forward, you're sure to get a reputation as a fast boy…"

"I really don't care about my reputation Luna. You and I know that it would be total nonsense. Besides, if I want to spend time with a pretty girl, why shouldn't I ask her out?"

"I think you should Mr. Potter. I enjoy being told that I'm pretty, but society says I should be the one to do the asking, not you."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Mostly because Looney doesn't do that Harry."

"Looney isn't real Luna. I'm not interested in Looney, I want to know Luna."

"Harry, you don't have to do this. I have no idea why of all the people you've met here I'm the only one not to have switched genders. Is there a reason for it? Who knows? You don't need to be nice to me to learn my secrets. I have absolutely no idea. If you take into account the population of the planet is over six billion people, there are bound to be exceptions to any rule."

"Is that why you think I've asked you out?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "I think that's obviously why you asked me out. Why else would you be with the weirdling?"

Harry laughed. "Luna, I admit that you caught my attention by being a woman who I knew as a woman. That isn't the reason I'm here now. I was hurting and lonely and a pretty girl asked me to for a walk with her around the lake." He looked into her eyes. "She didn't need to do that, but she was nice enough to care about a lonely stranger. Some people tell me she's a little odd, but from what I can tell, she's just someone who won't be told what she does is wrong."

"What about my animal friends?"

"Well, I hear you have interests in animals that most people say don't exist. At first that struck me as odd, but then I remember that I was raised Muggle. The world I was raised in told me Unicorns didn't exist, that Hippogriffs didn't exist, that Dragons didn't exist. What do they know? If the Muggle world is so utterly wrong, why couldn't the Wizarding world be just as wrong?"

"My mum tells me all about the animals. She writes about them in the Quibbler."

"What about your Dad?"

"He died when I was nine. He was a researcher; he died when a spell he was working on went wrong. I was there, but I didn't know what to do, how to help. But I stayed with him until Mum got home." She suddenly became very interested in her shoes. "That was the day Loony was born. Loony knows how to keep people at arms length. Loony knows the best way to get along."

Harry opened his mouth to comment that perhaps Loony was doomed to be very lonely, when something in the back of the head screamed MOVE! Instincts learned in the Room or Requirements at the hand of Tom Riddle immediately kicked in and he gathered Luna in his arms and dove to the left as a sickly yellow light of a Cruciatus Curse passed through the space that he and Luna had occupied only a fraction of a second before.

Rolling on the ground into a stand of tall grass Harry pulled his wand from the sleeve of his robe and sent a bone breaking curse back in the direction the Cruciatus came from, and was rewarded with the sound of a man screaming. He pressed a finger to his lips to warn Luna to remain silent. An unnecessary gesture on his part, she had already drawn her wand and was waiting for a target to present its self.

"Come out to play Potter. Come out and we'll let your little friend live."

"They're lying." Luna hissed. "Do you know how to fight?"

Harry nodded. Through the grass he could just make out three forms searching for them. A fourth figure in black robes and a bone white mask that Harry had not seen was suddenly towering over Luna with her wand drawn.

"Ava…"

"REDUCTO!" The blasting curse leapt from Harry's wand and punched a hole through the Death Eater's chest, throwing her backwards and away from the students. Harry tightened his grip on his wand. Again he grabbed Luna and rolled away as curses hammered the ground where they had been.

"There's at least three left" Harry whispered.

"Four" Luna replied. "Their leader is standing off by the path. I can do an incarcerus on the nearest one."

"I've got the other two. On Three"

**---ooo000ooo---**

"What have we got here Auror?"

"Good Afternoon Director Bones. Five people in Death Eater robes and masks. Two dead, one badly burned, One with her ribcage shattered, and one gift wrapped for us" she pointed to the woman trussed up in conjured ropes.

"Who did the killing?"

"According to the Lovegood girl, the supposed hero is the boy puking his guts up over there. He's supposedly named Harry Potter."

"Ever kill anyone Auror?"

"No sir."

"He just ended two lives to protect his friend and himself and he's 15 years old. What makes you think you'd do any better? I did the same thing the first time I killed and I was ten years older than he is."

Bones looked around the crime scene. "Walk me through what happened."

"Yes sir. Lovegood and the Potter Boy were standing here. 'Talking' they claim. The perps portkeyed in here." The Auror showed Bones a marked position 30 meters from where the couple had been. "Either Lovegood and Potter were the targets or they just happened to be the closest to where the perps landed."

"So two students took out five Adult Death Eaters?"

"Lovegood says that there was a sixth Eater standing off like a leader."

Bones nodded. "I want to talk to the witnesses."

Luna Lovegood was fussing over the kneeling boy, who was wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his robe. Bones conjured a glass of water. "Harry Potter right?"

Accepting the water gratefully, the boy took a mouthful, swished it in his mouth and spat it out. He then drained the rest of the water and swallowed it. "Yes sir."

"I'm Almanzo Bones. Director of Magical Law Enforcement. I would like to speak with you about what happened today." The boy nodded. "Could you step me though what happened?"

"We were talking over in front of the Shrieking Shack and suddenly Harry grabbed me and he dove into the high grass, taking me with him."

"Why did you do that Harry?"

"I don't know, it felt like I needed to move. Sometimes when I'm in danger I get a split second warning."

Bone's brow furrowed. Moody had something like that, but to hear her tell it, it only came after years of being on the front lines. "Then what happened?"

"Harry got off a curse that caused one of the bastards to start screaming."

"Bone breaker curse" the boy muttered.

"Then while we were hiding, one of them found me, and started to cast the killing curse, Harry got her in the chest with a Reducto."

"I killed her. I've gone dark. I killed her."

"You haven't gone dark Harry, you saved my life." She hugged him. "Three of them were still looking for us. I got the closest with an incarcerus. Harry cast incendio on the other two."

"I killed again. Twice in two minutes."

Bones knelt next to the couple. "Harry you protected your friend and defended yourself. You did what you had to do. You didn't do anything wrong Harry."

**---ooo000ooo---**

"Thank you Harry."

She had walked him back to the Hufflepuff dorms. "Luna, I didn't do anything all that special."

"You saved my life three times in thirty seconds Harry." She took his face in her hands and kissed him. "Any time you want to talk to Luna, just ask. Looney will let you right through."

He watched as she walked away. When she turned the corner he found himself whispering "But I killed people."

**---ooo000ooo---**

"You survived did you?"

"How did you know they were going to attack?" Harry looked up in surprise.

"Because that is what I would do Potter. Don't be an idiot."

"Well your training worked. You taught me to kill."

"Of course I did, you want to defeat me, in order to do so you'll need to kill."

The Riddle construct took up a dueling stance. "Level 2."

This time Harry lasted almost 6 minutes before the first crucio hit him.

**---ooo000ooo---**


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**The Birthday Girl**

Time seemingly stood still in the Room of Requirements whenever Riddle's shade was training Harry. The bastard was the master of inflicting pain, worse while doing so he made observations of Harry's relative lack of skill. Still, spending a minimum of an hour a day fighting this mad man had boosted his skills to levels he had only dreamed of previously. He was still no where near good enough, but he was so much better than he had been in early September than he was barely recognizable. So of course he was currently under a crucio. The room generated pain curses were as painful as the real thing, though they didn't do the physical damage the real things did.

The curse suddenly cut off for no discernable reason.

"Your lucky day Potter. The time limit you set today has been reached. You have half an hour to prepare for your evening meal, and to ready yourself for seducing your plaything."

"Watch your self Tom, or the next time the room will make you with out a mouth. If you had found someone to care about beyond your pathetic self, you would have been a happier psychotic ass than you turned out to be."

"You weaken yourself with your concern for others Potter. It is that concern for others that allowed me to capture you and send you here. If you are to win, you will need to shed these attachments you are so fond of."

"Just go away Tom." He closed his eyes and concentrated. When he reopened his eyes the training room and Riddle were no longer there, a shower had appeared. Harry disrobed and allowed the heat of the water to work its magic on his body.

After his shower, Harry cleaned his robes and dressed. Was Riddle right? Did his attachment to others doom his efforts? Harry pondered this as he left the Room of Requirements and made his way to the Great Hall for the Halloween feast. Hagrid's giant pumpkins decorated the Hall, as usual. Bats fluttered about the room

Harry hadn't yet reached out to this realities Hagrid. It was far too disconcerting to see his oldest friend in the Wizarding… Witching world as a woman, and Harry had found himself (not for the first time) questioning the sanity of Hagrid's human parent. In this reality not only had the woman actually, willingly bedded a male giant, but she had named her daughter 'Reubella'. Naming a child after a disease?

Harry found as seat at the Hufflepuff table, returning the greetings of his housemates, as he reviewed his situation in his head. Given time, he would eventually match and perhaps even surpass the Riddle shade provided by the Room of Requirements. Whether or not he would have the needed amount of time was an open question. The Riddle of the Room had told him during the occasional instructional periods they had spent together (as opposed to the far more frequent combat periods) that the Room's magic had told him that he (the Riddle of the Room) was roughly equivalent in power compared to the Dark Lady Riddle.

He would need help. After all this was Harriet's fight. She would never forgive him if he went off without her. The question was would Orestes forgive him for leading (or following) Harri into danger?

Approaching Harriet wouldn't be easy. The few times he had attempted to discuss the fight with her she had brushed him off, giving him the distinct feeling that she wasn't willing to risk a 'mere boy' to the dangers involved in facing Riddle. Harry found himself wondering how he would have reacted if Harriet had somehow translated to his world. Would he be as active protecting here as Harri seemed to be attempting to protect him?

Harry's musings were interrupted when Dumbledore welcomed everyone to the feast, and took the opportunity to introduce the new Ministry appointed Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Auror Stebens had recovered from her injuries sufficiently enough to return to her duties. Her replacement was a tall grey haired Witch named Amanda Strews, a senior Auror who was apparently not terribly happy to be at Hogwarts if her facial expression was anything to go on. This was too bad. Professor Stebens had been an effective instructor, though Harry's time with the Riddle shade had far surpassed what the injured Auror had to teach.

That bit of excitement past them, the feast began. Harry returned to his musings. His house mates attempted to bring him out of his shell, and he joined in the various conversations around him for a few moments before sinking back into himself until he was again directly addressed. On the other side of the table, Jessica Finch-Fletchly made a mental note of Harry's apparent disassociation with the house. Professor Sprout had asked that she keep an eye on the Potter boy to gauge his mental state. She had approached Harry twice suggesting a casual sexual encounter, (a common relationship starting tactic in Hufflepuff house) each time she had been politely rebuffed with an absurd story of a male version of herself named 'Justin' who, while only a casual acquaintance would always stand between them.

Misunderstanding what the Dimensional Traveler was telling her, Jessica mentioned that there were a few male Hufflepuffs opened to such a relationship, and that she would not mind being allowed to watch. The male Potter paled before her eyes, and backed away stuttering excuses. Stu Bones had later laughed at the suggestion that Potter might indeed prefer the company of other men, and suggest that Jessica pay attention to Harry's reaction to the Ravenclaw 4th year Lovegood. Indeed it was apparent that Harry was interested in the younger girl, though why this was true escaped Finch-Fletchly's understanding. She added another note for the report she was to turn in that night.

**---ooo000ooo---**

As the feast was breaking up, Harry rushed to intercept Luna before she could leave for the Ravenclaw tower.

"Evening Luna." He said, desperately attempting to pull off being casual.

"Hello Harry." Her 'Looney' personae looked up to him vacantly.

"I was wondering if you would like to take a walk with me this evening. So much to see and do in this old castle."

"I don't know Harry, I've a few things I need to prepare for tomorrow…"

"Honestly Luna, I think you'll like what I've found." Harry focused on appearing as sincere as he knew how. "Something for your birthday."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Okay, said Harry to himself, try not to screw this up. He paused for a moment while Luna watched Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed to death once again by the members of his All Troll Ballet troop. He walked past the invisible door way, concentrating on what he wanted the room to do for him.

A familiar highly polished door had appeared in the wall. Harry reached out, taking hold of the brass handle, and pulled the door open, leading Luna into a spacious sitting room furnished with leather chairs and sofas. A tea service sat on the coffee table in from of the largest sofa.

"What is this place Harry? It's lovely."

Harry turned to face the blonde, but before he could answer someone interrupted.

"Luna?"

The Ravenclaw turned to face the new speaker. Her eyes went even wider than usual. "Daddy?"

Harry quietly left the room. Luna and the room generated shade of her father deserved their privacy.

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry had been sitting outside the Room of Requirements for an hour when the door opened. "Harry, could you come in?"

He entered the room and Luna pulled him into her arms with all the strength of her small body. "Thank you Harry. Thank you so much."

"My daughter tells me you're responsible for all this Mr. Potter." The shade said. "I know I'm not truly Hyperion Lovegood, but I feel like I am. Thank you for the chance to give my lovely daughter a proper goodbye."

"Goodbye Daddy?"

"Yes Luna. I am not your father, I'm a simulation. Spending too much time with me wouldn't be healthy for you. Hyperion Lovegood has passed from this world, and I sure he misses his brilliant Xena and the lovely and brilliant daughter they made together, I know I do and I'm just a shade. Luna, please do not come to see me again. Nothing that happened that day was your fault. Returning to this room to speak to a dead man can only harm you." The tall man smiled. "Thank you Mr. Potter. Please take care of my daughter. She is a treasure."

"I'll try sir."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Luna and Harry remained in the room for an hour following the 'departure' of the room created Hyperion Lovegood. At first Luna was sobbing and clinging to him, gradually that gave way to them kissing which gave way to Luna's roaming hands. Her sorrow built into a passion, her hands were everywhere. At some point she had unbuttoned his trousers and reached in to stroke him. Harry gasped at her touch.

"Did I Hurt you?" she asked, not stopping her ministrations.

"No, but we better stop. Luna, you were upset by seeing your father or at least a shade of him again. I don't know how I expected this to affect you, but this isn't it."

"I don't want to stop."

"I do Luna. Come to me when you aren't freshly mourning your father and we'll wake up the house elves. Not tonight. This isn't what I intended to happen. I don't want you looking back on this and see me taking advantage of you."

She leaned back from him. "You, taking advantage of me? But I'm…" she removed her hand from his trousers and rebuttoned them. "I forgot the cultural differences we're dealing with here for a moment." She leaned forward and kissed him again. "That appeared to be a nice one," Luna gestured toward his pelvis. "The first I've ever touched. I knew they got stiff, but it seemed quite large, at least when compared to stories my dorm mates have told. Are you unusual?"

"I have absolutely no idea Luna, that's not the sort of thing mates go about comparing, you know?"

"I look forward to taking you up on that offer." She stood and offered Harry her hand. "Thank you for letting me say good bye to my father. I should get you back to your dorm before curfew."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Lucile Malfoy hung from the torture frame. It had been three weeks since her disastrous mission to Hogsmeade. Tasked to kill children and if possible capture either or both of the Potter children she had led her team to the outskirts of town.

Only to discover that they had appeared practically on top of the Male Potter and a young girl. It should have been so simple, stun the boy, kill the girl, kill a few other children and then return to the Mistress with the boy trussed up as a gift. But the boy had the instincts of a duelist and the reflexes of mongoose, by himself he had killed two of Lucile's Death Eaters and badly wounded three more. The girl had managed to use incarcerus on the remaining member of the team, all in less than half a minute.

Lucile had barely managed to portkey away before the first of the Aurors appeared, and had delivered herself back into the hands of the Dark Lady, who was furious to have lost half a dozen recruits to a pair of children. Her fury was expressed as pain. Pain had become the total focus of Lucile's life for the last three weeks.

"Good morning Lucy" the Dark Lady said, lifting the platinum blonde's head with a single finger under her chin. "I find I have need of your services at the Ministry, so I suppose that means the punishment for your failure is ended. Your next failure will mean the slow death of your entire family."

Her throat ravaged by near constant screaming, Malfoy could only nod her understanding.

**---ooo000ooo---**

"What the hell happened?"

Harry had arrived at the Hospital wing at a dead run. He had been in the Great Hall eating lunch when Malfoy strolled by chortling about 'Professor Strews teaching 'scar head' a lesson' Harry had immediately gone to the Gryffindor table to find out what had happened. Arthur Weasley tearfully told him that Harri was in the Hospital Wing.

Orestes looked up from Harri's hospital bed. "Professor Strews did this Harry. She started in on some pure blood nonsense, and then started practice duels in the class. Harri beat Malfoy without half trying. Strews called her up to the front of the class for a demonstration, before Harri was anywhere near ready, Strews started cursing her and cursing her, so many times. Things we've never seen in class, or in any of the books." There were tears in Orestes eyes. "Shes so hurt." He whispered. "Healer Pomfrey was completely shocked. He said he'd never seen anything like this."

Harry looked down at his twin's face. Blotchy and bruised, she was restless in her potion induced sleep. "Orestes, mate, get word to me when she wakes up, ok."

"Harry, don't do anything stupid."

"Stupid is what I do best Orestes, ask anyone who knows me."

**---ooo000ooo---**

"Would you care to explain yourself Amanda?"

"I was assigned here to teach Blanch, I taught an arrogant half blood to respect her betters."

"Last I checked, an unprovoked attack on a minor child by an Auror was a crime." Almanzo Bones said angrily. "What do you suppose gave you your edge in this encounter Senior Auror? The sixty years of experience you have, the sneak attack on your unprepared opponents back, or perhaps your 'pure blood'?"

"We all know that a pureblood's magic is superior to a halfbloods."

"As superior as yours was to Tommi Riddle Amanda? I seem to recall you pledging yourself to her 'for all time' back in 6th year. Personally I have a problem with anyone who attacks from the back in a supposed duel." Anastasia Moody said, her magical eye spinning to take in her total surroundings. "As I recall, you tried that on me once Amanda. Did the lesson I taught you that day not take?"

"Certainly it took. Now she only does it against those who couldn't possibly stand against her in a fair fight." Almanzo suggested. "A common trait of cowards."

Amanda Strews bristled at that comment. "Are you challenging me Almanzo?"

"No one is challenging anyone Amanda. At least not at this school."

"You're fooling yourself Blanch. Amanda here is going to end up having to deal with the other Potter. The boy is harder than the girl. He'll do what he needs to do and feel bad about it later."

"Anastasia, this is a school, not a dueling academy." Dumbledore stood and straightened her robes. "Amanda, do anything like that again and you will answer to me, Madam Fudge will not be able to protect you."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Amanda Strews returned to her classroom, more than a little pleased with herself. She had taught that presumptuous half blood a lesson, and gotten completely away with it. Moody and her absurd claim that the male Potter, this so called 'dimensional traveler' might attempt to avenge his 'sister'. What mere boy, a Hufflepuff at that, would have the rocks to stand up to the woman who so completely bested his stronger half?

"You seem pleased with yourself Professor."

She whirled to face the speaker, her wand out and ready. She found herself staring into a pair of burning green eyes.

"Very pleased indeed. Did you rough up a first year for his pocket money?"

"You must be Potter. They say you claim to be a Dimensional Traveler."

"They also say you claim to be a Senior Auror. Tell me professor, how does a coward rise to such a rank?"

"You dare?"

"The first three curses you threw hit my twin in the back. That's pretty much the definition of being a coward isn't it? That and hiding behind your inbred agenda. Yes, I'd say coward describes you quite well."

"And what is to prevent me from doing the same to you boy?"

"I'm facing you? Looking me in the eye is almost enough to make you wet yourself isn't it coward? A better question is what is going to keep me from killing you. The answer to that is that I trust Moody back there to step in if I lose control. Can I rely on you for that Mad-Eye?"

Did the boy actually think she would fall for that old chestnut?

"Aye lad." Came Anastasia's distinctive voice from the back of the classroom, shocking Strews. "And then we'll be discussing how you spotted me beneath my cloak."

Harry stood, with his wand in his hand at his side. "It's really simple Professor. I came to you for extra instruction in defense. If you get lucky, I came into this with my eyes open, isn't that right Mad-Eye?"

"That's the way I heard it lad." This kid had rocks, plain and simple. Amanda Strews was good, Moody had trained her. There was no reasonable way for a kid Potter's age to be good enough with his wand to inspire the level of confidence the boy exhibited… but something about the way he held himself…

"Any time you're ready Professor… Would it help if I turned my back?"

Amanda Strews started to cast, Harry watched as her something odd happened. It was as if the tall woman was moving in slow motion. Her first hex slowly oozed toward him and Harry easily side stepped it. Harry casually flicked a bone breaker at her left arm. From his perspective that curse moved at a normal speed, but his opponent attempted to dodge, again in slow motion. Harry watched as the curse impacted on her arm and Strews was spun around. What the hell is happening?

From Moody's point of view, the male Potter was moving at an insane speed. He would go from standing still to an inhuman acceleration almost instantaneously. She had seen this only twice before. During the first rise of the Dark Lady, in the battle that had cost Moody her eye, when Dumbledore and Riddle had faced each other, both of them moved with this same insane inhuman speed, and their magic reacted in the same time scale as their bodies. The boy was fifteen years old, how was he doing this?

Harry's confusion at just why Strews and her magic were moving so slowly cut into the anger he felt toward the woman. Two more bone breakers from his wand had hit the woman, the first destroying her right shoulder, the second shattering her left femur. He watched as the woman collapsed to the floor, still in slow motion. He forced himself to calm and levitated the woman so that he could look her in the eye.

"How did you do that?" she choked out her teeth clenched in pain.

"Aren't bone breaking curses covered in your Pure Blood Supremacy playbook? Let us be clear Professor. You are done here. I'll be taking you to the Hospital Wing so that Healer Pomfrey can care for you. When she's done with you, you are going to find you have responsibilities you need to take care of, far away from Hogwarts. I've waited my entire life to have a family, I finally got one and you hurt her. You even look at my sister again and I will kill you."

"I'll have you expelled."

"Really? What for? You cast the first hex. I've got a retired Master Auror as a witness. Even if you succeed, do you think that will keep me from finding you?"

"I'll take her Lad, you look a little tired." Moody stumped up. "I wanted a few words with Amanda anyway. You should head to your dormitory."

"As you say Madam Moody." Harry passed control of the levitation charm over to Moody and left the classroom.

"I have to say Amanda, when you find someone to annoy, you outdo yourself." She started walking toward the Hospital Wing.

"I'll destroy him."

"You didn't lay a hand on him. He cast three curses, and each one hit you. Think about it Amanda, you were present when we fought against your former girlfriend, when have you ever seen anyone move like that?"

That thought shocked Strews. Then came the realization that Moody was right, but… "He's no where near her level."

"Of course not. He's 15 years old, and she's our age. She couldn't do that at 15. By the time he's twenty, he will bury her. You had best consider what side you want to be on. Should I tell Blanch you'll be leaving, or do you want to do it yourself?"

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry made back to his dorm room before his rising gorge forced him to run to the bath and empty his stomach. After vomiting everything he had eaten that day (and possibly the previous two), he pulled off his clothing and turned on the shower, scrubbing his body raw with shaking hands. He just couldn't get clean.

**---ooo000ooo---**

"I'm telling you Blanch, he was moving like you do."

"I'm certain it looked that way Anastasia, but that just isn't possible. There are absolutely no records of any Wizard ever learning to accelerate himself."

"HERE Blanch. Remember where he comes from. You and I both know powerful Wizards. Can any of them learn to do your accelerate move? I have no idea. All I know is that this 15 year old boy can do it at will, but from the expression on his face he is confused by it. From all evidence he isn't aware he's doing it."

"I was almost forty before I learned to do it. I suspect that Thomasina learned before she was thirty. If this boy can do it now…"

"More importantly, you're going to need a DADA Professor. Merlin knows what the Ministry will saddle you with this time. You had approached me to teach last year before I was otherwise occupied. What if I was to take over the classes for the rest of the year?"

"That would be greatly appreciated Anastasia."

"And I can keep an eye on the boy. I want to know just what he can do. If he's going to take the fight to the Riddle, I want to be there. She and I have unfinished business."

**---ooo000ooo---**

Harry returned to the Hospital Wing, to find Harri was awake, still badly bruised, but looking much better.

"Hey sis."

"Hey yourself you prat. Did you do that?" she gestured toward the bed on the far side of the room holding Professor Strews wimpering under the affects of Skel-grow.

"Maybe."

"Idiot, you will probably end up expelled."

Harry shrugged. "Worth it."

"Prat."

Harry sat down in the chair next to the bed. "That's Orestes chair, I made him go to dinner. If you're still sitting in it when he gets back he'll look all serious and roll his eyes until you give it up."

"You two seem to be good together."

Harriet lost her smile and took on a serious look. "I need you to help train me." She saw the surprised look on his face. "I know, I've been ignoring you when you have suggested that we train together in the past. I was stupid. I was thinking of you as just a 'boy'. Thinking of you as if you were one of the giggly boys in the dorms who lack the drive to wade into an actual fight. I know you're not." She gestured toward the only other person in the ward. "She took me apart without any effort at all. Professor Moody told me you returned the favor, in spades."

"I don't know Harri… Orestes would kill me if I introduce you to my trainer. He's a right evil bastard, and Orestes is awfully protective of you."

"Let me deal with Orestes. He knows I need to get better."

"Alright. As soon as Healer Pomfrey gives you a clean bill of health."

**---ooo000ooo---**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**Meetings and Plans**

Orestes Granger was confused. This was an unusual condition for the brainy, slightly bossy, Gryffindor to find himself in. He usually understood what was going on or knew where to go to research the situation until he did. But he really didn't know where to start for solving this problem.

Sitting here holding Harri's hand while she slept and looking across the room at the screen that hid the badly injured professor, he wasn't sure what to do, or even how he felt about the situation. Strews had quite literally taken Harri apart in her attack. She was just at a level that the students had never seen before. Then the guy who spent the summer with Orestes had been told of the incident, and less than an hour later Professor Strews was laying in a hospital bed in agony. Logic told Orestes that Harry was the one who put the professor in that bed. How was this possible?

Over the summer, Orestes thought that he had gotten to know Harry Potter quite well, but this was causing Orestes to question that. What kind of power did this male Potter have?

Harry and Luna Lovegood had somehow been involved in the Death Eater attack at Hogsmeade. The news that made its way into the castle spoke of a half dozen Death Eaters preparing to attack Britain's only all magical town, only to be discovered and stopped by a squad of Aurors before they could even start. But Harry and Luna had been late getting back to the castle that night, and when they did return they were escorted by Almanzo Bones, the head of the DMLE.

Orestes recalled thinking that Harry must have been hurt from the way he was leaning on the Lovegood girl, but what if…

The problem with being called the 'Smartest Wizard of his Age' was that you start to believe it. Was he over analyzing because he didn't understand what was happening? Was his new found suspicion of Harry Potter's motives the based on Orestes frustration at not knowing what was going on? Was it jealously over Harry's being able and willing to act so aggressively and not care what others thought?

Harri stirred in the bed, the pain of her healing body fighting the Dreamless Sleep potion. Orestes started feeling more than a little ashamed of himself.

Reflection was sometimes cathartic. His confusion cleared as he admitted to himself what was wrong. He had wanted to hurt Professor Strews for what she had done, but couldn't take the step. Harry Potter had taken that step without a second thought. Orestes had supported Harri in her brushing off the male Potter's suggestions that they train together, not really believing for a second that a mere male could function at the level of 'his' Harri, that Harri's twin would slow her down, hamper her on her training, leave her vulnerable.

He had been an idiot. Things had to change. He couldn't be the weak link any longer. Harry had shown him that being male didn't mean being weak. Maybe he'd never reach the levels of Harri, (or Harry for that matter) but it didn't mean he had to hide behind either of them.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Phaleon Sprout sat at his desk in the Hufflepuff Council Room, listening to Jessica Finch-Fletchly's report on the male Potter. The rest of the Hufflepuff Council (the Seventh Year class, all the Hufflepuff prefects and any Hufflepuff alumni on staff.) listened in rapt silence. Usually these meetings were dedicated to keeping the house informed as to the happenings in the school. It was unusual for a meeting to be dedicated to discussions of an actual member of Hufflepuff House. But what ever the topic, information was power. The Ravenclaws reviled in their knowledge, the Slytherins in their cunning, and the Gryffindors in their bravery. They could all keep their arrogant specializations. Hufflepuffs dealt in cooperation and hard work. As a consequence the Wizarding world was run by the 'duffer house'. Not the elected positions, those were for self important peacocks, but the civil servants, the managers, most of the Department heads, the positions earned through hard work and diligence, those were 'puffs.

"And how did you reach the conclusion that Potter might be a Wizards Wizard?"

"When I attempted to initiate a relationship in order to better understand him and his situation, he told me a story of a male version of myself from his own reality and that he couldn't possibly separate the two of us in his mind." The Muggle born Witch shook her head. "I took that as his clumsy way of telling me he liked boys. I mean really, a male version of me? I know he's a male analog of the Girl Who Lived, but come on. The idea of a male dominated society is just ludicrous. How would anything get done? How could an entire society be subjected to the randomness and hormonal imbalances of the male mind?"

There were more than a few throat clearings from the males on the Council, and many understanding nods from the females.

"Regardless of how much sense it makes, it is true, at least from the point of view of the Potter Boy." Anastasia Moody said from her seat in the alumni gallery. Despite the level of power he has, his Occlumency is almost non-existent; I've been in his mind." The Retired Auror shook her head. "In his world he was known as the Boy Who Lived, and he knew most of us, only with our genders reversed."

"Did you gain any perspective as to why he is here?" asked the Haden Abbott.

"From his perspective, completely by accident. Just like our Potter he was entered into the Triwitch Tournament against his will by the younger Crouch, polyjuiced to be me." Moody grimaced at the memory. "Just like our Potter, he and his version of a male Diggory were portkeyed to a graveyard, where Diggory was incapacitated and Potter was used in a ritual to return his version of a male Riddle to a corporeal body. The primary differences between his reality and ours is that his Diggory was killed where ours was stunned, and where our Riddle immediately called her Death Eaters and proceeded to duel the Girl Who Lived, his Riddle told Potter that he knew the prophecy that linked them, that it spoke of neither being able to live while the other existed, and that one must die at the hands of the other."

There were gasps in the room as that statement sunk in.

"Does that same prophecy apply to the Potter Girl?" Phaleon Sprout asked.

"From the way Blanch Dumbledore is reacting to the boy, I would say yes." Moody waited for the rush of whispered conversations to die down. "The male Riddle believed this prophecy. Believing that it meant that he could only be killed by the Potter boy and that if he himself killed the boy the prophecy would be fulfilled making him vulnerable to others. To circumvent the prophecy he banished the boy from their plane of existence, telling Potter that both of them would then be immortal. That is how the boy came to be here."

Sprout once again signaled for silence in the chamber. "That is quite the amplification of what was released by the Ministry about the boy. What else have you found?"

Moody hesitated. "I must evoke full Council privacy oaths."

Phaleon Sprout nodded. "Anyone unwilling to abide by the privacy oaths, leave now."

No one moved, after thirty seconds, privacy wards bloomed and the walls shimmered with a faint blue glow.

Moody then gave the true story of the Death Eater attack at Hogsmeade and destruction of the pureblood fanatic Defense instructor. She finished with "I've only ever seen two witches move like that -- Dumbledore and Riddle, and they couldn't do perform the accelerated magic at the age of fifteen. I reported what I saw to Dumbledore who thinks I'm imagining things; she insists that no wizard is capable of doing what I saw the boy do. She believes that the level of power necessary is limited to a few select witches." She shook her head. "Whenever something doesn't conform to her world view, Blanch can be quite blinkered."

"Are you saying that someone from our own house has the potential of becoming… Dark?" Asked a 7th year Witch looking a bit perplexed. "Are Dark Wizards even possible?"

"There have been Dark Wizards, but they mostly gather followers looking for the protections offered by sexual rituals." Phaleon Sprout interjected. "They rarely have the drive to attempt anything more."

"And I don't believe the Potter Boy is Dark. He became physically ill after he killed those Death Eaters. That isn't the sign of a Dark soul." Moody shook her head. "He's deeply unhappy, and feels guilty for not being able to return to his original world, but he has somewhat come to terms with being here, and intends to dedicate himself in assisting his 'twin' in defeating the Dark Lady." "Thank you Anastasia." Phaleon sat up in his chair. "I'm declaring discussion over, and calling for the vote. We are the heirs of the legacy of Humphrey Hufflepuff, we take out responsibility seriously. Does Hufflepuff support Harry Potter, or do we take steps to neutralize him?"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Orestes blinked when the door appeared in the wall. His fifth year at Hogwarts, and still the magic of this castle could surprise him. He and Harri had followed her male twin to this little used corridor and watched while he walked back and forth three times. Harry opened the magical door and led them inside.

The room they entered was a duplicate of the Gryffindor common room. Still not at one hundred percent, the stairs had taken their toll on Harri, she had come in the room leaning heavily on Orestes, and immediately slumped onto one of the sofas upon entering the room.

"Why is there a duplicate of the Gryffindor common room here Harry?" She asked upon catching her breath.

"It's a creation of this room. Dobby told me about it when I needed a place to train. The elves call this the Come and Go Room, or the Room of Requirements. Basically, you can only find it when you need it. But the room can supply you with what you need. This is where I go to train."

"So, that's why we're here? To start the training?"

"No, you're not ready yet Harri." Orestes felt a little indignant at this put down of 'his' Harri. The male Potter continued. "It will be a few days yet. You were badly winded just climbing the stairs; you would probably be badly hurt by the training in your condition." A slight grin formed on Harry's lips. "When you meet the trainer, you'll understand. He can be a right bastard."

"Then why are we here?" Orestes asked.

"I did something for Luna Lovegood here, something that I thought you might like Harri."

"This better not be something pervy Harry." His twin said with a smile. "You'll freak Orestes out; he's a good boy who has fallen in with a bad crowd."

"I'll bad crowd you Harriet Jane Potter!"

"Nothing like that." Harry laughed as he crossed to the door. At the door he turned back to the seated couple. "I hope you enjoy this Harri, I really do." Harry exited the room.

"What's this all about?" Harri asked. "Did you put him up to this so that we'd have a private place to snog?"

"He had better not." Came a woman's voice that neither of them recognized.

The two teens turned their attention from the door to the fireplace, standing there was a raven haired woman wearing glasses and a red headed man. Harri immediately recognized them from the Mirror of Erised and the photo album she had gotten from Hagrid for Christmas first year.

"Mum? Dad?"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Harry was sitting in the library trying to read. He was failing miserably, hoping that he hadn't made a mistake with Harri and her parents.

He had come close to asking the room for James and Lilly so many times, but just couldn't bring himself to actually do it. The fear of how they might react to how he had turned out, how they would look upon his failures, how he had taken lives. No, it was safer to offer Harri her time with Jane and Lance. Safer for him anyway.

"Hello Hero."

Harry all but jumped. Luna had managed to surprise him.

"Hero?"

"You're my Hero Harry. You did save me remember." The blonde smiled. "As I recall, you promised me a date."

Luna could always bring him out of his moods. Whatever else he was he was healthy fifteen year of boy. He smiled. "Did you want to go somewhere now?"

She took the book from his hands and put it back on the shelf, then took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Yes, I think I do. Come with me."

Luna led him through the halls to a secluded broom closet, and pulled him inside.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Orestes stared opened mouth at Harri's parents and his girlfriend and the adults clung together in a tearful hug. Magic couldn't do this. Harry Potter could not possibly have brought the Potters back to life. It was impossible… impossible… His mouth went dry and the Muggle born Wizard found himself wishing for a glass of water, he almost screamed when a glass tumbler shimmered into existence on the side table next to his hand.

"This is a holodeck!" He exclaimed. All three of the Potters stopped their private conversation to look at him with questioning looks on their faces, and then returned their attention to each other. Of course, a magical holodeck, it made sense, sort of. He picked up the glass of water and sipped. It was perfect.

Orestes' chain of thought was interrupted when the redheaded man sat down in the chair next to him.

"I'm Lance Potter. Harri tells me you're Orestes."

"Yes sir."

"Muggle born? Me too." The redhead's brow furrowed. "This is awkward isn't it?"

"Yes sir. Are you… real?"

"No. Jane and I are creations of the magic in the room, images of the real Jane and Lance from the last time they were in the castle."

"Ah. That's weird isn't it?"

"No, that's magic. Magic does what it is going to do unfortunately. It is a wonderful thing really." Lance Potter nee Evans ran his hand through his red hair. "So, you called this a 'holodeck'?"

"That's a Star Trek thing."

The shade of Lance Potter took on a perplexed look. "I've seen every episode of Star Trek, I don't remember a holodeck."

"Oh, you never saw The Next Generation. There was a new series in 1987." Orestes smiled, feeling his inner geek come out. "A holodeck was a plot device that allowed for the crew to go places and do things without leaving the ship."

"Ah, sorry I missed it. So, you're Harri's… boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"Is Harri a… good woman?"

"What?"

Lance Potter gave Orestes a look of… guilt? "Jane at that age wasn't a very nice person. But then neither was I really. She was something of a bully, especially when she was with Lokabrenna, Rakasha and Petra. Those that didn't measure up to their standards were nothing more than victims to them. Jane and Lokabrenna worked their way through most of the men in our class by the time they were Harri's age, and I was to be then next notch on their wands, but I… Well, after fighting like children, Jane and I fell in love around the middle of sixth year. I guess what I'm asking is what kind of woman has my daughter turned out to be?"

"Harri hasn't had the easiest life. Your brother and her family treated her badly, and since she came to Hogwarts, it's been one thing after another, but Harri most specifically is not a bully. She detests them, and protects those being bullied to the best of her ability." Orestes hesitated for a moment. "She has certainly gone out of her way to take care of me."

The shade of Lance Potter nodded, seemingly relieved at this news. So tell me about the Dimensional Traveler. I always wondered what it would be like to have a son."

"Well, he has your eyes…"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

_Thubani_ Malfoy sat at the desk in his dormitory, his fingers steepled before him, deep in thought. Something had happened to her mother, and it had something to do with the Potter boy, that much he had managed to get out of her father. The Dark Lady was very displeased with the Malfoys just now, and that had trickled down to the Slytherin common room, where Thubani had received a beating as payment for past insults. News of the Malfoys losing the protections of the Dark Lady traveled fast.

Lucile would regain her position, the fifth year was certain of that; in the mean time the Dark Lady wanted more information about both the Potters.

The female Potter had been on Thubani's list since the ride on the Express first year when the Muggle loving fool had rejected her offer of friendship. And the male Potter, with his insults about her appearance and touching…

She would enjoy handing both of them to the Dark Lady… Perhaps she would be allowed to witness their punishment for defying the greatest Witch of all time…

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Harry returned to the Hufflepuff common room in something of a daze. That Luna was something else. The taste of her was still on his lips, the smell of her on his robes. Sometimes it didn't suck to be Harry Potter.

He approached the twin suits of armor guarding the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room. He was still amused that the armor had breasts built into them, as opposed to the flat breast plates of the armor of his home reality. The original owner of the suit on the right must have been a most impressive sight indeed… He leaned close to the suit on the left and whispered this month's passphrase "There is no I in team" (the seventh year prefects were on a Muggle metaphor kick). The suits of armor stepped away from each other and the door appeared.

As he was stepping over the threshold, a male voice whispered, "Petrificus Totalus" and Harry felt the Body-Bind curse force his legs together and his arms to his sides. He immediately attempted to dispel the curse, but the world went black when something was placed over his head.

"Shit! He's breaking the curse!" the male voice hissed. "Stun him!"

Then Harry knew nothing.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

**A/N: Many thanks to meteoricshipyards for his assist with the Hufflepuff Council…**


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I own none of this

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER NINE**

**Parties and Pain**

Harry Potter was suddenly completely utterly awake.

That meant someone had cast Enervate on him. That was the only way to wake so completely so quickly. There was something on his face. Whatever it was it didn't interfere with breathing, but it kept all light from reaching him. Dozens of voices began a chant of "Hufflepuff… Hufflepuff… Hufflepuff" began echoing all around him. Harry then felt the covering pulled from his head.

He appeared to be in a dungeon, torches on the wall lit the room, around him were figures shrouded in hooded cloaks of black, their faces in the shadows of the hoods.

"Awake Harry James Potter." A thick guttural voice came from the shrouded figure in front of him. "You have been brought to the inner most sanctum of Humphrey Hufflepuff to answer a single simple question. Be aware, the answer to this question will set the tone for the rest of this night."

Harry silently checked for restraints, and found none. He was in the center of the room surrounded by dozens of cloaked figures. He ran his hand along his left side and was surprised to find his wand still there. He swallowed, would he be able to fight his way out of here?

"What is the question?" Harry asked.

Ominously the chanting stopped.

"Butterbeer or wine?"

**What?** "Butterbeer" Harry was surprised when a cold bottle was shoved into his hand as Phaleon Sprout shoved back the hood of his cloak.

"Welcome Harry Potter to the Hufflepuff Council. Drink up boy, you're behind and the next round is on you." The jovial man's face became serious for a moment. "Hufflepuff house and all of our resources are behind you in your fight against the Dark Lady Harry. The vote to support you was unanimous Harry. That's something that almost never happens."

Harry looked around the room as the lights came up, and everyone in the room removed their cloaks revealing various students and staff in their normal school attire, though a sizable percentage appeared to be wrapped in sheets. Someone turned on a Witching Wireless and a horribly atonal Odd-Brothers song began to belt out.

Harry took a long pull on his butterbeer. The Gryffindors were certainly a staid house in comparison to the 'puffs, of that he was certain. Someone bumped into his back almost causing him to spill his drink. Harry turned to find an embarrassed looking Stu Bones and Haden Abbott both wrapped in sheets with some kind of wreath in their hair.

"Harry, sorry about that 'stupefy' thing." Abbott blushed. "We were tasked to, uh kidnap you for your induction into the council, but we'd never seen anyone break a body bind that quick before… I kind of panicked."

"What is all this about?"

"Harry," Stu Bones said, "The Hufflepuff Council is as old as Hogwarts. Humphrey Hufflepuff himself chaired the first meeting, we are tasked with safe guarding Hogwarts and the Relm. It's whispered that the inner circle of the council report to His Royal Highness himself. The general membership met and decided to throw all of our support behind you in your and Harri's fight against the Dark Lady."

"Are you serious?" Harry was incredulous. "You actually had to vote to decide?"

Bones shrugged. "We're 'puffs, we vote on pretty much everything. The Ministry has done some things almost as horrible as the Dark Lady. There are whispers that Harri's Muggle relatives were killed by Dementors, and the Ministry controls the Dementors."

In a corner around the Witching Wireless a small crowd of Witches started singing.

_**Louise Louise, oh no  
Me gotta go  
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said  
Louise Louise, oh baby  
Me gotta go**_

_**Fine little boy waits for me  
Catch a ship across the sea  
Sail that ship about, all alone  
Never know if I make it home  
**_  
"Every freaking time we have a party, someone starts singing that song." Haden Abbott said disgustedly. "Drunken idiots. What does it even mean?"

"It's a traditional drinking son Lad." Moody had somehow managed to come right up along side Harry without his noticing her. How did she do that? "Traditional since the '60s anyway"

_**Three nights and days I sail the sea  
Think of boy, constantly  
On that ship, I dream he's there  
I smell the rose in his hair.  
**_

Harry started laughing. He couldn't help it; it just struck him as ridiculous when he realized that they were singing a version of 'Louie Louie'. It took him this long to figure it out because he had been distracted by understanding the words. More pieces started clicking into place. He had been 'kidnapped' to an initiation, drinking, sheets, a god awful song…

_**See Jamaica, the moon above  
It won't be long, me see me love  
Take him in my arms again  
Tell him I'll never leave again**_

Laughing Harry deposited his empty bottle on a side table and snagged a fresh bottle. This might just be fun.

**--ooo000ooo--**

The party in the Hufflepuff Council chambers had lasted through the night. Every 'Puff present had felt the need to come to Harry, grasp his hand and promise their support in all things. Much to his distress, more than a few of the women offered more.

Harry spent a fair amount of the evening trying to reconcile the idea of Madeye Moody being a Hufflepuff with his image of the house. After a while he gave it up as a waste of time. After all, who said that a psychotic paranoid couldn't be a hard working team player? Thinking of Moody dimmed his good time a bit when he realized how easily he had been taken, by classmates looking to take him to a party no less. If he had been that lackadaisical that day at the Shrieking Shack, he and Luna would likely be dead, or wishing that they were. He had allowed himself to become distracted, by Harri and her parents, by Luna, and by the prospect of sleep.

He had to change, Harry recognized as he left the party (still going strong at three a.m.) heading for his bed. He had underestimated Riddle, and found himself banished to this reality. Even after the attack at the Shrieking Shack, and his encounter with the DADA Professor, he had underestimated the possibility of being attacked inside Hogwarts Castle and had been taken out by a pair of classmates.

Harry sighed as he made his way to his dorm room. He was going to have to force himself to practice the lesson that Barty Crouch Junior had taught him the previous year. If Harry wanted to survive he was going to have to be constantly vigilant. No more surprises. At some level he knew that the Riddle of the Room had been trying to teach him that lesson for a while now.

Entering the dorm, he noted that, as usual Stu Bone's foot stuck out from the curtains of his bed. Harry smiled to himself wondering if Sue had done the same thing. As he passed Haden's bed, a very naked Erin MacMillan emerged. Erin had been… interested for about two months now, much like Jessica Finch-Fletchly she had been making offers of a sexual nature. Unlike Jessica, Erin wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. Harry had told her that he was interested in someone else. Harry had told her that he was most specifically not interested in her and why. This had happened with several young women, and with the exception of Erin, they had backed off. Most recently she had taken to groping him.

"Hello Harry."

"Not doing this Erin. Get dressed, or go back to Haden."

The young woman came very close to him. "Why would I do that Harry? Don't you like what you see?"

"Erin, you're making a mistake."

She closed the gap between them. Harry could smell the wine on her breath. "I won't hurt you Harry. I'll be gentle." Her right hand made contact with his crotch and squeezed.

Harry had had enough. He wrapped his right hand around the girl's throat and pushed her against the wall, hard. "I think we need to get a few things straight Erin. I am not one of the fluffy bunny boys you're used to playing with. I come from a culture every bit as violent as this one, but in mine it is the men who are aggressive. I have killed people. I have hurt people badly. I am the most dangerous person you have ever met and you are pissing me off. If you value your bones remaining unbroken, I would suggest that you leave. Now."

The girl paled. Harry released her and she gathered her clothing from Haden's bed and quickly left the dorm. Watching her leave, Harry wondered if he had just made a mistake.

**--ooo000ooo--**

Orestes opened the door and followed Harri and Ronnie into the Room of Requirements.

Once in the room, with the door closed behind them the lights came up in the room to show a set of bleacher. Orestes led the two women to their seats. It was only after they sat down that the other side of the room became visible.

Harry was in what appeared to be the fight of his life, against a tall, pale, bald, white skinned figure. The two of them were moving at inhuman speeds, flickering from place to place in the room, casting spells of every kind.

Harri gasped and rose to try to assist her 'twin'. Orestes placed his hand on her shoulder and held her in her seat as Harry had asked him to.

"But Orestes, that's Riddle, she…"

"Harry said that no matter what we saw, not to interfere. I don't know why, but he said not to."

The Gryffindor trio watched as the fight went on. Both of the fighters were moving too fast for the eye to focus on, it was only when they stopped for split seconds to cast that they were clearly visible. After almost twenty minutes, Harry fell under the sickly yellow light of a crucio.

After a few seconds the curse was stopped, and Harry slowly got to his feet.

"Your guests have arrived." The tall figure spoke in a disconcertingly male voice.

It was only then that Harry noticed his audience. He and his opponent approached the bleachers.

"Hello everyone." Harry said. "I'm glad you could make it. More importantly, I hope you're glad you made it after your first session."

Harri stared at the snake-faced man. "I don't think there's any point to us doing this Harry. None of us can do what you just showed us."

Seeing her reaction to his companion Harry spoke. "This is Tom Riddle, known in my world as the Dark Lord Voldemort. More specifically, he is a Room generated shade of Tom Riddle, just like the shades of your parents the other night Harri. I needed someone to train me, and he is what the room provided."

"And now the room is providing someone to train all of you" The white skinned shade said. Three images of Thomasina Riddle shimmered into existence, one before each of the new comers.

"I didn't start at this level back in September when I discovered the room would teach me to fight. You'll all get there as well. As soon as you each catch up, we'll start training together."

"Why is your Riddle male?" Orestes asked.

"He's my image of evil. The Room made him for me, yours for you."

**--ooo000ooo--**

Harry was waiting when the trio exited from their individual training rooms shuffling and limping in pain. Harry already had this portion of the room reconfigured to the hot tub/massage table combination.

He directed the trio to changing rooms. "Try the tub. It will help, honest. You can change in there."

Harri and Orestes readily accepted the suggestion. Magically raised Ronnie hesitated. Then shrugged and followed Harri into the changing area. Orestes was the first out and joined Harry in the Hot Tub. The two women followed shortly.

"How often do you do this?" Ronnie Weasley asked through clinched teeth as she settled in the hot water.

"At least an hour every day. Two or three most days." Harry answered.

"We did about that, right?"

"Your sessions were twenty minutes."

"What?" the red head was incredulous. "It had to be longer than that!"

Harry shook his head. "Nope, twenty minutes. Your endurance will build. I've even beat him a time or two."

"Are those real Crucio's she throws about?" Orestes asked.

"Nope. They feel the same as the real thing, but don't do the physiological damage that the real ones do. They just hurt like hell."

"This is good training, assuming that the magic creating these shades does an accurate job. What's the plan?" Harry's twin said.

"Well, first we need to get all four of us up to speed, when the room's magic feels we're ready, we will start going after a single Riddle in teams. I've only recently discovered that when my Riddle and I fight, we move at and extremely high rate of speed."

"You certainly do Harry" Orestes interrupted, "For most of your fight, the two of you were blurs."

"Yeah… Well, I don't know if all three of you will learn to move that fast. I hope you do. I'm certain Harri will, seeing as Healer Pomphrey has pronounced us to be 'identical' magically. If you two can manage it as well, we'll be unstoppable."

"Should we consider bringing others into this?" Orestes asked.

"I think we should see how we do first." Harri said.

"More pieces on the board give you more striking power, but they also require more protection." Ronnie added.

**--ooo000ooo--**

Following a long soak, both Harri and Ronnie had to go. They both had homework to finish. Orestes made excuses and remained behind.

"Have you got a few moments Harry? I'd like to talk if you do."

Harry shrugged. "My time is your time Orestes." The room shimmered. The tub disappeared and a copy of the Gryffindor Common room appeared. Harry settled himself in to one of the squashy chairs and looked to his friend. "So, how are you and Harri?"

The Bushy haired man sat on the other chair. "Amazingly good. Maybe too good."

"Too good?"

The Gryffindor nodded. "We've spent more time snogging than training. I think what happened with Professor Strews showed that."

"I disagree Orestes." Harry said. "Anyone can be ambushed, I was the other night."

"Harry, I sat there and watched. I never made a move."

"And a good thing you did Orestes, she'd have killed you."

Orestes shook his head, the tears could clearly seen in his eyes. "I sat there, terrified. You challenged Strews and won. Why could you defend Harri and I couldn't?"

"That's hardly the same thing Orestes. I've been training for all out combat since September with my world's most vicious fighter. He had gotten me to do that high speed fighting without my even knowing it." Harry ran his hand through his hair. 'Yes, when Harri was attacked, I reacted and confronted Strews. If she had done it to you, I'd have done the same thing."

"But I…"

"Orestes, in order for you to react like I do you have to overcome the social conditioning you've learned your entire life. You would also have to develop an instinctual aggression that the vast majority of men in this world do not have. Think about that Orestes. There is no shame in being who you are. And you work harder than anyone I know to improve yourself. Give yourself a chance."

Orestes stared at Harry wide eyed, his mouth opening and closing silently as he processed what he had been told.

"I'm an idiot aren't I?"

"No, no you're not. You're hard on yourself, but you're not an idiot."

**--ooo000ooo--**

_Orestes left not long after that. Harry waited a moment after the door closed behind his friend thinking about the conversation they had had and planning the next step in the training of the Gryffindors._

_"You give good advice Potter. You should take some of it."_

_Harry reacted, hitting the floor rolling unconsciously accelerating himself, almost instantly Harry was on the far side of the room with his wand drawn and aimed at _Anastasia Moody.

His perceptions slowed. "Don't do that, I might have killed you."

"I trust your reflexes Boy." The old Auror said. "I've been watching you since your induction into the Council."

"Wonderful." Harry pocketed his wand. "I suppose that means Dumbledore knows all about how I'm training? When can I expect the 'I'm disappointed in you Harry' speech?"

"You misunderstand me Potter. I've no interest in having Dumbledore stop you from doing everything you can to destroy Riddle. Before last year, I might well have bought into Blanch's "Greater Good" arguments. After what Riddle did to me last year, I want her dead. I learned in the last war with her that I would never be the one to put her in the ground. She made that very clear when she took my leg and my eye. But you… You can do it. The Potter Girl already did it once, and with you will do it again, permanently this time."

"Great, a vote of confidence. I'm not there yet."

"I've watched you boy. I've seen you move and fight for over an hour of real time. Can the real flesh and blood Riddle fight that long? I doubt it, she never has. When you get your twin up to speed, you two will cut her to pieces. Granger and Weasley will keep the rest of the Death Eaters off your back, and so will I."

"So do you want me to start training with you Professor?"

"Think boy! I couldn't have kept up with you on the best day of my life. No, you keep doing what you're doing, and I'll have your back."

**--ooo000ooo--**

**A/N: In reviews it has been mentioned that it is sometimes hard to keep track of who is who with the universe/gender swap. In response from here on out I'm including my score card (Can't tell the players without a score card) that I use to keep the names (mostly) straight.**

**The Distaff Side**

**Character List.**

**Male Harry Universe ...Female Harri Universe**

_**Students**_

Harry James Potter... Harriet Jane Potter

Hermione Jean Granger ...Orestes John Granger

Ronald Billius Weasley ...Veronica Beth Weasley (Ronnie)

Parvarti Patil ...Parvatinandan Patil

Padma Patil ...Padmaj Patil

Lavender Brown ...Lawrence Brown.

Neville Longbottom ...Nelly Longbottom

Dean Thomas ...Diedra Thomas

Lee Jordan ...Lea Jordon

Susan Bones ...Stu Bones

Draco Malfoy _..._Thubani Malfoy

Hannah Abbott ...Haden Abbott

Justin Finch-Fletchly ...Jessica Finch-Fletchly

Wayne Hopkins ...Wendy Hopkins

Megan Jones ...Michael Jones

Ernie MacMillan ...Erin MacMillan

Zacharias Smith ...Zaylie Smith

_**The Deceased:**_

Lilly Potter nee Evans ...Lance Potter nee Evans

James Potter ...Jane Potter

_**Adults:**_

Sirus Black ...Cubicula Black

Remus John Lupin ...Naguals Lupin

Peter Pettigrew ...Petra Pettigrew

Arthur Weasley ...Ginevra Weasley

Amelia Bones ...Almanzo Bones

Bellatrix LeStrange ...Orion LeStrange

Cornelius Fudge ...Cornelia Fudge

Tom Marvolo Riddle... Tomasina Merlope Riddle

_**Hogwarts Staff:**_

Albus Dumbledore ...Blanch Dumbledore

Severus Snape ...Silvia Snape

Pomona Sprout ...Phaleon Sprout

Filius Flitwick ...Filia Flitwick

Alaster Moody ...Anastasia Moody

Minerva McGonagall ...Marcus McGonagall

Poppy Pomphrey ...Paul Pomphrey

_**Animals**_

Crookshanks ...Brunhilda

Trevor ...Josephine

Hedwig ...Helios

**Omake Omake Omake Omake Omake**

As suggested by Meteoricshipyards & Wonderbee31

After disposing with the Dark Lady, Harry returns to his home Universe, bringing Luna with him. The Luna of his original Universe is intrigued.:

Hermione: Harry, how do you tell them apart?

Harry: I can't. But they don't seem to mind.

Ron: This is so weird!

Harry: You have no idea!

Lunas: (In stereo) Hello Harry Potter

(Ron chokes on his food for a moment)

Harry: Hello Luna's, how are you both doing today?

Luna 1: Oh my, did you know that we have found a Nargle nest in our bedroom,

Luna 2: and we would like you to come and help remove them,

Luna 1: and then help us with an itch.

Harry: Um, Well, I've got Care coming up...

Luna 1: Silly Harry, we are the Luna's.

Luna 2: Resistance is futile.

Luna 1: You will service...us.

Luna 2: Repeatedly.

Harry: Oh well, resistance is overrated anyway, see you later guys.

(Ron sits there, speechless)

Hermione looks… jealous?


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work.**

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER TEN**

**Family real and imagined.**

"Speak Silvia" Snape looked up from her place at her Mistress's feet. "Dumbledore is attempting to see a pattern in your cullings. So far she has tasked me to discover your intentions and perhaps your next target." "She will have to learn to live with being disappointed in you Silvia." Riddle steepled her fingers. "What of the girl?" "Potter performs in all of her classes at levels referred to by my peers as 'adequate' with occasional sparks of brilliance. The exception being Defense. There she is at the top of her year. But this is only in comparison to other fifth years. She some how annoyed Amanda Strews when she was teaching. Strews destroyed the girl. Strews put the girl into the Hospital ward for three days. The school healer told me that Potter might have died."

Riddle smiled and nodded. "As I suspected. If not for her annoying adherence to rules and order, Strews would wear my mark. What training is Dumbledore giving the girl?"

"As far as I can determine the girl is receiving no special training at all my Mistress. There is a possible problem however. The boy."

A frown crossed Riddle's features. "What of the boy?"

"Immediately following the Potter girl's injuries, Strews herself was hospitalized. At first I thought she had dueled either Moody or Bones, both of whom were called to the school in the aftermath of Strews disciplining the Potter girl. Dumbledore told me that he was worried, due to the Potter Boy having being the one responsible."

Riddle smirked. "Silvia, you worry too much. So the boy was devious enough to ambush Amanda. Admittedly, his performance is impressive for a male Hufflepuff, but nothing to worry about. When I kill his dimensional twin, the boy will fall apart." She shook her head at Snapes's needless worry. "Lucile speak."

"I have put your plan into motion my Mistress. Tomorrow afternoon I go before the Wiccegamot and put forward your plan."

"Do you expect success?"

"Yes my Mistress. Not tomorrow, but in the New Year. Dumbledore will delay the decision until after the Solstice break so as to rally his side, but the investments you have directed me to make and the general conservatism of the Wiccegamot will work against him."

**--ooo000ooo--**

"… and that concludes the scheduled business before the Wiccegamot this day." Blanch Dumbledore said in the traditional end of meeting prose for this Counsel. "I call on any with new business for the Coven to stand forth and offer it for our consideration now."

Lucile Malfoy stood and strode to the speakers podium in her regal way. After a few moments of theatrically arranging the documents she brought with her upon the face of the podium, she cleared her throat and spoke.

"Dryhtcwén Dumbledore, Honored members of the Wiccegamot. I stand before you to speak of an injustice that has been done to one of the Heroines of the Magical world. As I'm sure many of you know, the Uncle of the Girl Who Lived, her only surviving blood relative died this past August. Four months later, and still she has no legal guardian…"

Dumbledore blinked. How had she missed that? Had she been too relieved that young Harriet was at the Burrow when what ever had happened to the Dursleys had happened that the legal requirements for a fifteen year old had escaped her mind… She realized that she hadn't secured a legal guardian for the Potter boy either…

During Dumbledore's internal reflections, Malfoy had continued with her presentation. "… Since the Savior of the Magical Britain needs guidance in the realities of the Natural Order, I humbly offer my Husband and I, both exemplary products of Pure Blood culture as foster parents for Harriet Jane Potter, the Girl Who Lived."

"The Wiccegamot thanks you for pointing out our grievous error Lady Malfoy." Dumbledore said quieting the rumbles of conversation all around her. "And we thank you for your generous offer to adopt young Miss Potter; I believe however that many other families will be making similar offers now that the need is known." Dumbledore looked down into the disappearing superior smirk on the Malfoy woman's face. "This is the last session before the Solstice break. I happen to know that young Harriet has made plans to spend the holiday with the Weasley clan. The Wiccegamot will convene a special session on…" Dumbledore referred to the calendar of the Clerk of the Wiccegamot, "January 9th of the coming year. At that time those families wishing to offer home and hearth to young Miss Potter may submit themselves for our review."

**--ooo000ooo--**

Nelly Longbottom rushed into the Gryffindor common room. She looked around the room in a near panic, and then she spotted Orestes. She made her way to the corner where the brightest Wizard of his age was reading.

"Orestes, I need to talk to Harri."

Orestes' brow furrowed. "I'm not sure where he is just not Nelly, what's wrong?"

The Scion of the Longbottom clan looked around to see is anyone was paying attention to them, then leaned forward and whispered. "I've just heard from my Granddad, Malfoy's mother went in front of the Wiccegamot yesterday and put the Malfoy family forward to adopt Harri."

"Oh no. What did the Headmistress do?"

'She put it off until the New Year. Granddad said that he was putting himself forward, but he thinks that his age and the fact that it's just me and him will work against us."

"I wonder if my parents would…"

"The Wiccegamot is very conservative Orestes, even the light aligned side. They'd never approve Muggles Harri wasn't actually related to." Nelly smiled apologetically. "The Weasleys are sure to put themselves forward, but they are relatively low status. That will cause a problem. I want to talk to Harri and suggest that we write the Bones and the Abbotts for help. Their both two parent families with status nearly level with the Malfoys."

"Thank you Nelly. I wonder why this is the Headmistress hasn't told Harri yet…"

"My Granddad tells me the Professor Dumbledore tends to have his own motivations Orestes. You know Hufflepuff Harry is in the same boat." Nelly said using their in house name for the male Potter. "I doubt that anyone would care if your parents made the offer to him…"

**--ooo000ooo--**

Harry returned to his dorm to change for dinner. He wasn't all that sure he would ever truly appreciate the Herbology classes, every year the plants became more dangerous and… messy. The toxins that the damned sleep vine had sprayed on him had necessitated a long soak in a tub of a foul smelling neutralizing potion. His clothing had been cleaned magically, but he felt an all consuming need to get OUT of them and take a long hot shower.

At least that had been the plan. Right up until he found Erin MacMillan partially undressed and laying on his bed.

"Hello Harry."

"Get out." Harry said wishing that the 'Puff dorms were charmed like the Gryffindor dorms were. Women couldn't get into the men's dorms in the tower.

"Don't be like that Harry." She stretched on the bed. "Tell me again how dangerous you are. I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Oh great.

**--ooo000ooo--**

"I'm not sure what can be done to stop the Malfoys." Orestes had several books open in front of him. "Everything I've found says that they have the upper hand in their claim on you Harri, due to their money and that they share the same status in as the Potter family."

"Oh yeah, I so full of status. Fat lot of good that supposed status has ever done me. What if I refuse?"

"You're only fifteen Harri," Ronnie said. "What you want doesn't really enter in to it." The tall red head frowned. "Dad and Mum are going to try to get you, but…"

"The best defense is a good offense." Harry said, still a bit angry at finding Erin in his bed and that getting away from the odd girl with submissive fantasies had precluded his getting his shower. "I don't know the Malfoys here, but back home they were family family family all the time. What if we made it known that attempting to do anything to Harri would make life painful and short for their little deformed princess?"

"That might work." Luna said taking hold of his hand. "You've described them perfectly. Thubani's father dotes on the girl, and Aunt Lucile has great plans for her."

"Aunt Lucile?"

"My father's birth name was Malfoy." She said simply. "Lucile Malfoy is my Aunt and Thubani is my cousin."

"So." Harriet said. "I go and kick Thubani's ass and threaten more if they don't back off."

"No. It can't be you." Luna said shaking her head. "Or any of the Weasleys. You can't do it either Orestes. You are all well known 'lights'. It has to be our wild card."

All four of them looked to Harry. "Me? What makes me a wild card?"

"No one really knows you Harry, outside of us. You've already started in on messing with Malfoy's head." Orestes said. "If you come off all biblical vengeance on her, she'll buy it."

"That coupled with what you can do, well, you're dead scary." Ronnie added.

"And I know what frightens dear cousin Thubani." Luna added. "You'll make her wet herself."

**--ooo000ooo--**

The discussion went on for a while longer, Orestes and Luna agreed to meet the next day to determine exactly what they would do to frighten Thubani and when they would do it, so as to present Harry with something of a script to follow. Then Orestes and Harri left for a walk around the lake, and Ronnie left to raid the kitchens for a snack, then to find Larry Brown for his other needs.

Harry and Luna sat together in silence for a few moments, until Luna spoke.

"It's terrible what the Malfoys are trying to do to Harriet. I doubt they are doing it on their own, the Dark Lady must be behind it."

"Yeah. And she's ignoring me. I don't know whether to be hurt or happy."

"Be happy, and continue your training until you show her the error of her ways."

"Training?" Harry hadn't told Luna about the sessions with the Riddle of the Room, how had she…

"I'm Looney Harry, not stupid. Harriet, Orestes, Ronnie and you all disappear for hours on end; Harri has been packing on muscle for the last month, almost catching up with you, while Orestes and Ronnie have toned up impressively. You're training. My only question is why haven't you invited me?"

"Truthfully, I didn't think you'd want to see what we do."

"Ah the cultural differences strike again. My cultural upbringing has me wanting to protect you Harry. I know you don't need me to protect you, I even know you're more powerful than I could ever dream of being, but neither am I fragile and needing of being coddled Harry. I'm not a little boy."

For the first time since he had arrived at the Room of Requirements Harry smiled. "Luna, would you like to train with us?"

"Why, yes Mr. Potter, I believe I would. Thank you for the invitation." They shared a laugh. Then Luna spoke again. "When you arrived, you were angry. Why?"

"I'm having problems with one of the girls in Hufflepuff." Harry sighed. "She keeps coming on to me after I've told her no."

"I've heard of the freewheeling ways in Hufflepuff house, why did you turn her down?"

"Two reasons. First, I know her as Ernie MacMillan, and I can't disassociate the two. Second, and most important, I'm with you… or at least I want to be."

Luna was quiet for a moment. "I've never asked that we be exclusive."

"I know. It might be presumptive of me, but it's the way I am. If I'm with you, I'm with only you."

Luna looked into his eyes for a moment, then leaned into him for a kiss. "I'll speak with Miss MacMillan." She said when they broke the kiss. "She won't be bothering you anymore."

**--ooo000ooo--**

Thubani Malfoywoke in darkness to a throbbing headache. It didn't take long for the heir to the Malfoy line to understand that there was something over her head. She attempted to move and found that she couldn't.

"Hello Thubani… Quite the predicament you find your self in isn't it?"

"Potter? What the hell do you think you're doing?"

There was a chuckle in the man's voice. "What I'm doing is contemplating using a bit of torture in order to send your dear mother a message."

"You can't do this to me you half blood filth! When my mother hears…"

The male Potter pulled the hood from her face. Thubani found herself looking into his eyes and wishing that the hood was back. "Well, you see Thubbi, I want you to tell your Mummy all about our conversation. Rumor has it that she is attempting to adopt my dear dimensional twin, which will sort of make us family, you and me." The young man smiled, but that smile didn't reach his empty eyes. "And who can you have frank, honest discussions with if not family? Now Harri is a sweet person, she really is. She believes in second chances and redemption. Me, I lean more toward the old ways." A blade suddenly appeared in his hand and Potter was using it to trace the outline of her face. "You know… An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."

"Don't hurt me." The platinum blond said weakly.

"Ah, well that's sort of a problem for me… I know your mother wears the Dark Lady's mark, and you know it too… I'm afraid that what ever happens to my twin will happen to you… Of course I tend to get carried away when I'm… Well, let's just say that it might turn out to be to your advantage to get mummy to stop trying to adopt Harriet Potter."

"You can't threaten me."

"Thubbi, you aren't paying attention. I've been threatening you since you woke up. I took you without you knowing I was doing it. You may be the queen of those pathetic losers in Slytherin, but I am the all seeing, all knowing, and vengeful god of your universe when it comes to my twin. As long as you leave me and mine alone, I leave you alone. You try something, anything with me and I'll hurt you. You or Mummy mess with Harri, I'll force the two of you to watch while I torture your daddy to death before I kill the two of you, slowly."

"You wouldn't. You're a light wizard!"

Harry patted the trembling girl on the cheek. "No Thubbi, Harriet is a light witch. Me, I'm a follower of the old ways. Annoy me enough and I'll kill you. I'll kill your family. I'll kill your friends. I'll kill your neighbors and all their pets. Thubbi, I'll wipe out entire pure blood lines, and none of you will be able to stop me little blossom. No you, not Mummy, not your pathetic 'Dark Lady'. This is the only warning you're going to get; I'd talk to Mummy if I were you."

Thubani Malfoy slumped unconscious from a silent stunner. Harry Potter sat back in his chair. "How was that?"

"Perfect. You scared the shit out of me all the way over here." Orestes said from the darkened corner where he sat.

"I agree Harry." Luna said. "From anyone else it would never be believed, but you're a wild card."

"Ok, I can pretend to be a bad ass for a while I guess. What do we do with her?"

"Oh, I'll take care of my dear cousin." Luna smiled. "I've had something special planned for a few years."

**--ooo000ooo--**

The next morning Thubani Malfoy was found outside the entrance to the Slytherin dorms, staked in the center of a pentagram drawn in blood, shorn of every single hair, her naked body had been covered in runes drawn in the same blood.

She professed to have no knowledge of who might have done this to her, and refused to speak of it, claiming emotional trauma. Blanche Dumbledore did notice a sudden flurry of owls passing between the youngest Malfoy and her Mother.

**--ooo000ooo--**

Orestes found Harry in the Library researching for a charms essay. "Hey."

Harry looked up as Orestes took a seat across from him. "Hey yourself."

"We hadn't really talked about it, but I was wondering if you had any plans for the Christmas hols."

Harry shook his head. "I was planning on staying here. I spent most Christmases at the castle back home."

"Dad and Mum asked that I invite you to stay with us." Orestes hesitated. "It would be a chance for us to hang out and, you know, just talk like last summer. We'll visit Harri on Boxing Day, and it wouldn't be hard for you to visit Luna when we go by the Weasleys."

"I don't want to intrude on your family time Orestes."

"It's not intruding when you're invited Harry. Don't be a prat, say yes. I'm thinking Dad is missing your cooking."

**--ooo000ooo--**

Sixty three dead. Almanzo Bones made a circuit of the crime scene. He didn't need to see the Dark Mark hanging in the air over the cluster of homes just outsideBristol. The first Auror on the scene had recognized the disaster and called for help.

The attack was centered on #9 Callas Lane. The home of the Martins. A mixed couple, David Martin, 26, a Muggle architect. Tracey Martin, 31, Witch. Employed as a Ministry Spell Crafter. The Martins had two children, both of whom were had exhibited signs of accidental magic. Forensics was showing that seven of the Dark Lady's minions had apparated into the Martin home, and killed all four of the Martins. They then spread to the surrounding homes killing everyone they came across.

Not a single killing curse had been cast. Each death was slow and painful. Almanzo shook his head. The Ministry was reacting. Hell, HE was reacting. This war could never be won if he kept reacting to what Riddle did. He had to go on the offensive.

It was time for another meeting with Moody. Whatever his old partner and mentor was planning, Almanzo wanted to be a part of it. This had gone on far too long, and innocents were paying the price of his inadequacies.

**--ooo000ooo--**

Erin MacMillan was late. As usual she had never gotten around to packing for the holiday the night before when her Prefect patrol had run long due to a disturbance between a pair of Slytherin third years in the Entrance Hall after curfew. Now she had skipped lunch in order to finish packing. She rushed out of the Hufflepuff dorms toward the Entrance Hall when someone took hold of her hair and jerked her to a stop.

Erin's wand clattered to the floor as she was dragged into a broom closet by her hair. Once inside the door closed silently. Erin found herself forced up against one of the walls face first, then who ever it was that had her by her hair pulled it back until she was looking upward. Something, some liquid was poured into her mouth.

"Swallow it, or don't. It doesn't matter. You're exposed." An oddly lilting voice said in her ear. "That was an interesting poison from my Daddies' private files. Very slow acting. If you're a good girl, I'll give you the antidote in March before it starts affecting you. All you have to do to earn it is stay away from Harry Potter. He's mine and I do not share. You've been annoying him I'm afraid. That has to stop."

"Assaulting a prefect? I'll have you expelled for this." Who was this girl?

"Don't be silly MacMillan. Right now I'm in plain view of a few dozen people. It's amazing how many people will believe an illusion when they see one. Stay away from Harry, or I'll really hurt you. Remember, you need the Antidote by March, or truly horrible things will happen."

Erin felt the other girl release her. She tried to turn and confront her attacker but she became entangled in the cleaning equipment in the cupboard and sprawled to the ground. The door opened and a silhouetted figure exited the cupboard. By the time Erin managed to regain her feet and find the door there was no one in the hallway. She found her wand on the floor and made her way to the entrance hall.

Was it a bluff? Was it real? How could she tell?

**--ooo000ooo--**

Thubani Malfoy woke to find she was underwater and couldn't breathe. Panic consumed her and she thrashed about, unable to gain purchase, or indeed even move her head. Just as her vision started to grey out, she was hauled from the water.

Sucking at the air greedily she discovered that she was on a cold tiled floor. The panic beginning to ebb, she looked around and recognized where she was. She was in one of the lavatories on the Hogwarts Express. Panting, she noticed someone's shoes. Looking up she realized to her horror that it was the male Potter looking down on her smiling.

"Hello Thubi. I just thought I'd make sure you remembered our little conversation about your Mummy's intentions toward my twin."

"How did you… Where are…"

"Goyle and Crabbe? Those two lovely ladies are enjoying the sleep of the innocent just now. You had such an interesting collection of wards on your compartment Thubi. They slowed me down for most of fifteen seconds." He smiled. "And here I thought you understood I could get to you anywhere, anytime and there's not a damned thing you can do about it. Still, I suppose you should at least get points for trying. Where would the fun be if I didn't have to work for it?"

"What do you want from me?" Asked the Slytherin Princess through clenched teeth.

"Just your complete and utter understanding of the consequences of your Mummy annoying my twin in any way. If that adoption goes through, you die." Potter's smile became a smirk. "Which would I suppose make her Lucile's heir… Wouldn't that be fun? Then I kill Lucile and we add the Malfoy fortune to the Potter vaults."

"My Mother will…"

"Be as well defended as you are precious. Think about that." He raised his wand.

Thubani woke up back in her compartment sitting between her sleeping body guards, completely dry, with no evidence that anything had happened. Had it been a dream? Had it been real?

**--ooo000ooo--**

Harry returned to his friends in the last compartment of the last car. Luna immediately pulled him close.

"How did it go?"

"I followed your script to the letter Orestes. You and Luna are sick you know that? When I got to the part where Harri would be the Malfoy heir, she almost made a mess in her pants. She's back in her compartment and shouldn't wake up for about half an hour."

"Where she will wonder if it was real." Luna added. "I told you I knew how to scare her."

"I just hope I never make you mad at me Love." Harry said.

The compartment dissolved into laughter.

**--ooo000ooo--**

**A/N: In reviews it has been mentioned that it is sometimes hard to keep track of who is who with the universe/gender swap. In response from here on out I'm including my score card (Can't tell the players without a score card) that I use to keep the names (mostly) straight.**

**The Distaff Side**

**Character List.**

**Male Harry Universe Female Harri Universe**

_**Students**_

Harry James Potter...Harriet Jane Potter

Hermione Jean Granger...Orestes John Granger

Ronald Billius Weasley...Veronica Beth Weasley (Ronnie)

Parvarti Patil...Parvatinandan Patil

Padma Patil...Padmaj Patil

Lavender Brown...Lawrence Brown.

Neville Longbottom...Nelly Longbottom

Dean Thomas...Diedra Thomas

Lee Jordan...Lea Jordon

Susan Bones...Stu Bones

Draco Malfoy...Thubani Malfoy

Hannah Abbott...Haden Abbott

Justin Finch-Fletchly...Jessica Finch-Fletchly

Wayne Hopkins...Wendy Hopkins

Megan Jones...Michael Jones

Ernie MacMillan...Erin MacMillan

Zacharias Smith...Zaylie Smith

_**The Deceased:**_

Lilly Potter nee Evans...Lance Potter nee Evans

James Potter...Jane Potter

_**Adults:**_

Sirus Black...Canicula Black

Remus John Lupin...Naguals Lupin

Peter Pettigrew...Petra Pettigrew

Arthur Weasley...Ginevra Weasley

Amelia Bones...Almanzo Bones

Bellatrix LeStrange...Orion LeStrange

Cornelius Fudge...Cornelia Fudge

Tom Marvolo Riddle...Tomasina Merope Riddle

Lucius Malfoy...Lucile Malfoy

_**Hogwarts Staff:**_

Albus Dumbledore...Blanch Dumbledore

Severus Snape...Silvia Snape

Pomona Sprout...Phaleon Sprout

Filius Flitwick...Filia Flitwick

Alaster Moody...Anastasia Moody

Minerva McGonagall...Marcus McGonagall

Poppy Pomphrey...Paul Pomphrey

_**Animals**_

Crookshanks...Brunhilda

Trevor...Josephine

Hedwig...Helios

A/N: A few thoughts.

It has been asked in reviews if I am "a girl that has a dream of this sort of thing happening (the whole reversal of roles male/female thing) or are you a guy with a sick sense of humor intent on making other guys uncomfortable with this concept?"

Well, I'm a guy. My sense of humor is, in fact, fairly sick, but this isn't intended as a joke.

The difference between the universes isn't one of biology, women aren't larger (on average) than men in the Womens world. Women still have the babies (and hand them over to the men to raise.) The difference between the universes boils down to aggression. In the Womens world the women have it, and men don't. Being bigger and stronger doesn't do you a bit of good socially, if you lack the aggression necessary to use your size and strength. If you were to do a DNA analysis on Harry and Harri you would find them to be identical twins. In the Women's world women come from the XY chromosome combination, Males from XX.

Luna's posit that she was female in both universes because "Someone had to be" annoyed quite a few people. I look at it like this, with six billion individuals, and Harry having personal knowledge of fewer than a thousand people, there could be untold numbers of people having the same gender in both universes. Perhaps Hermione also has a female cousin named Melanie, just as Orestes does, but Harry wouldn't notice because he had never met the woman from his universe.

A/N2: Many thanks to D.J. Thorens for pointing me toward an online Olde English to Modern English translation website… Made for more realistic made up names…


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work. Damn it.**

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**Yule**

Lucile Malfoy stalked through the crowd on Platform 9 ¾ like a woman on a mission. The crowds parting to allow the infamous head of the Malfoy family pass. Her husband, Narcissus Malfoy nee' Black followed meekly behind recognizing the signs of what was to come. Lucile was almost incoherent in her rage. How dare that dimensional hopping half blood _male_ threaten her daughter? The Dark Lady had forbidden approaching the boy after the debacle that day outside the Shrieking Shack, but he was threatening Thubani! The head of the Malfoy clan came to a stop at the point where Narcissus had always met their daughter when she returned from school. The Malfoy heir had to be safe. After the first of the year, everything would change, but for now…

Lucile felt rather than saw or heard a zone of silence bloom all around her. She began to pull her snake head wand from its cane sheath when the voice of a young man stopped her.

"My, both the elder Malfoys. It's good to see that my warnings have gotten your attention."

The regal blond woman turned to face the dimensional traveler. "Boy." She growled. "How dare you threaten my daughter?"

A smile crept across the boy's face. "I'm not threatening her Death Eater, I'm warning her. All my life I've wanted a family, and now I've finally got one. Neither you nor your 'Dark Lady' are going to interfere with that."

"Don't call me that, I was under the Imperus!"

The young man shrugged. "That really makes no difference either way does it Death Eater? Either you're a murdering bitch too cowardly to actually stand up for what you believe in unless you can hide behind a mask, or you're a weak minded fool who is easily controlled. Either way you wear a Dark Mark on your left forearm, and either way you are not an acceptable guardian for my sister."

Lucile Malfoy again started to draw her wand from its cane sheath, but the young man's hand blurred to cover her own atop the snake's head handle, and squeezed. The Malfoy Matriarch almost went to her knees in pain as the bones of her knuckles ground together. How did the boy move so fast? How could he be so strong?

"Now, is that nice? Please, don't make me kill you here in front of everyone, that might spoil the whole afternoon. If you really want me to kill you then we can wait until after you adopt my sister, that way she will inherit the Malfoy fortunes after I wipe out your pathetically inbred family."

Through clenched teeth Lucile spoke, "Damn you. When the Dark Lady hears of this…"

"You really need to make up your mind Lucy, either you were a weak minded fool imperiused into doing Riddle's bidding, or you are an unrepentant Death Eater who is going to tattle to the Tommi all about how I've been picking on you. You know, the apples don't fall far from the tree with you Malfoys. Thubbi says exactly the same thing, except it's 'when my mother hears'. I mean really, how pathetic is that?" The boy smiled. "By all means Death Eater, tell your Dark Lady all about me and how mean I've been to you. I would be quite interested in seeing how long you survive after telling her you were bested by a fifth year Hufflepuff boy. Stay away from my sister Death Eater. If you value your spawn, you'll tell her to stay away as well. Leave my sister alone, I'll let your pathetic offspring live."

Narcissus Malfoy gathered his courage. "You can't threaten us Potter. I've known boys like you all my life, you put on a brave front and fall apart as soon as a real woman calls your bluff."

Harry turned to look the man in the eye, while squeezing his wife's hand all the harder, causing the woman to cry out. "Speaking from experience, are we, _**Sissy**_? You're making the same mistake your Death Eater Wife is making. You think that I'm like you, like the weakling males of this reality. I made a promise to your daughter, and I'll make the same promise to you. If your wife attacks me, I will hurt her, just as I'm doing now." Harry twisted his grip on the Malfoy Matron's hand evoking yet another hiss of pain. "If anyone in your family hurts my sister in any way at all, I will force them to watch as I torture you to death. Then I'll kill them both. The philosophy of my reality is an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth… though I tend to get carried away."

"You're bluffing."

Harry nodded to the man. "Perhaps I am. Did your dear wife tell you what I did to her Death Eaters when they attacked my girlfriend and me while dear Lucile cowered in the distance? No? That's telling all by its self isn't it?"

Luna Lovegood approached the trio, wrapping her arm around Harry's. "You're starting to attract attention Harry." She said in her dreamy breathless way. "Good afternoon Auntie Lucile, how are you today?"

"Lovegood…" Lucile hissed through the pain. "I had no idea that you had taken up with a half blood."

"I'm hurt Auntie. Didn't you recognize me when you set your thugs on Harry and me outside the Shrieking Shack?" The lithe blond smiled happily. "Come now Harry, we've so many things to do, and the Malfoys will need to help Thubani and her friends escape from their compartment. They seem to have locked themselves in."

Harry released Lucile's hand, and the woman took an immediate step back.

"That was your only warning. The next time I come for you it won't be to hurt you. I'm all for live and let live, you know?" The raven haired teen said smiling. "But cross me and you and your family will die. If I were you, I'd make sure I had a creative way to lose the custody challenge for my dear sister… Your dark lady would probably punish you for losing but I will definitely kill you for winning. Your choice, it makes no real difference to me."

Lucile Malfoy cradled her damaged hand as the boy and her niece walked away. There was absolutely no doubt in the woman's mind that the boy could have killed her without expending any real effort on his part. She was also certain that the boy's situational awareness allowed him to know exactly what she was doing, and would react instantly if she drew her wand.

For the first time since the death of her mother, Lucile Malfoy feared someone other than the Dark Lady.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Moody observed the encounter between the male Potter and the adult Malfoys from under her invisibility cloak. What was the boy up to? Potter's silencing charm was surprisingly good, none of Moody's normal tricks could pierce it, but it wasn't the first time that she had run up against a powerful silencing charm.

There was a reason Moody had learned to read lips. Listening by watching a person's lip movements was patchy at best; perhaps one word in three, but it was usually enough to get the gist of a conversation. The disfigured retired Auror concentrated on what the Potter boy was saying since he seemed to be doing most of the talking. "kill…we'll… after… adopt… sister… fortunes… wipe out… family"

Damn. The boy had big brass rocks, facing down the first assistant snake like that, and succeeding if Moody was any judge of body language. Potter, hell, both the Potters were playing a very dangerous game. Moody silently wondered if the pair of teens were aware of that.

Moody was still trying to wrap her mind around the concept of an 'alpha male' which was clearly what this boy was. This wasn't to say that she had never encountered strong men in the past. Her late husband had been a real rock crusher, always having to have the last word in their arguments. No, it wasn't the attitude or the willingness to insert himself into dangerous situations that set the Potter boy apart from the rest of his gender, it was the impression he gave that it was natural for him to be taken seriously and the aura of surprise that he gave off when ever someone didn't. Potter wasn't a man pretending to be a woman; he was a woman in every way except gender.

Potter was joined by the Lovegood girl, and a few more words were exchanged, though Moody couldn't make any of them out. The Potter released the Malfoy Matriarch, and he and Lovegood walked away from the encounter to their waiting friends. The Malfoys watched the pair leave, and then hurried toward the train… In search of their daughter?

Once she was satisfied that there would be no danger to either of the Potters here at Queens Cross, Moody apparated to one of her safe houses for some serious thinking and drinking. Dumbledore had set up a protective watch at the Weasley home, on top of the protective wards that the eldest of the Weasley Daughters, the curse breaker, had beefed up around her parent's home. As far as Moody had been able to ascertain, no such precautions were being taken at the Granger home. Still, the Muggles should be safe, given that they had offered refuge to a young man who was probably the fourth or fifth most dangerous human alive.

The old retired Auror smiled to herself. If she was to hear of an attack planned on the Granger home while the boy was in residence, she would probably not bother to report it. It would be far more fun to simply show up at a safe distance with a comfortable chair and a bottle to enjoy the show when the Death Eaters found out that they had made quite a large mistake.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The return to the Burrow was a quiet affair by Weasley standards, Malcolm Weasley had collected his brood and guided them home via the Floo Station of Platform 9 ¾. As soon as everyone was through the door, he sat all five of them down at the kitchen table for a light lunch. As usual, Harri insisted on helping, despite Malcolm's protests and the teasing from the twins that she would make some lucky witch a good husband some day.

Following lunch, Ronnie dragged Harri up to the room they shared.

"So." The redhead said, "Did we bring the wrong Potter home with us? Missing Orestes already? Is that why you've been all quiet and moody since the train?"

Harriet Potter continued to stare out the window. "No. Well, yes, give the opportunity to share a room with Orestes instead of your snoring ass; I'd take that in a heartbeat. I'm worried about Harry. He's having to do things he hates to try and keep me safe from the Malfoys."

"Oh, I'm hurt by your cruel words." Ronnie smirked. "Don't worry about Harry. He may be a Hufflepuff, but he's tough. You've seen what he goes through with his Riddle. I always thought you were the scariest witch I've ever seen with a wand, but him… To be honest I was having trouble seeing him as anything more than a nice ass until the first time he took us into the Room. Now I know he's dead scary as well as smoking hot. I may have to steal him from Luna."

That made Harri smile. "Luna would kill you dead. And even if you were to break them up, he still sees his Ron when he looks at you, and he assures me that Ron Weasley was not a pretty sight as far as he was concerned."

"Hmph! I'd wager I'd be dead sexy as a man."

"Oh, please. I just ate." Harri punched her friend in the shoulder. "Come on, let's go get started de-gnoming the garden."

"What? Why? Dad didn't ask us to do it."

"A little secret I learned living with the Dursleys." Harri said conspiratorially. "The secret is to just go ahead and do the chores you know you can't get out of. It throws the adults off their game and prevents them from coming up with more meaningless chores for you to do."

Ronnie stared opened mouthed at her best friend. "That's bloody devious."

"And it works too." Harri laughed. "Come on; bet I can throw them farther than you."

"Oh, it's on now. You're doomed seeker girl. You throw like a boy anyway."

From his kitchen window, Malcolm Weasley watches as the pair of teens rushed out to start removing pests from his garden, and shook his head smiling. He went to his cupboards and began removing the ingredients for the evening meal. Now he needed to make treacle tart for afters. It had seemed to be such a safe bet that Harri couldn't get Ronnie out to de-gnome the garden without his youngest daughter kicking up one of her trademark fusses. That girl was decidedly Slytherin sometimes. Malcolm resolved to keep a closer eye on his not-quite daughter.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Luna Lovegood arrived at her home via the floo. The hearth connected to the floo network was in the kitchen, and what she found caused her to more than a little despair. It was evident that her mother hadn't spent much time in this room since Luna left September first.

The Ravenclaw made her way through the house, ignoring the state of the rooms, to her mother's office. It was there she found her mother in the middle of a manic episode.

"Mum?" the Ravenclaw asked.

"Oh hello Poppet. Are you back from Hogwarts so soon?"

"Mum, you've not been looking after yourself." The blond knelt beside her mother's chair. "You promised me that you would."

The woman sighed. "I know Poppet, I've just been so busy. So much to do, deadlines to meet, so many reports to track down. You know what it's like."

"I do Mum. But you've got to take care of yourself. Who will meet your deadlines and track down the reported sightings if you've taken to your sick bed?"

"You're right of course…" the woman sighed. "I always depended on your father to take care of me, and now I guess I'm depending on you. I'm not being fair to you Luna. If you spend all your time with your old Mum, how will you find the time to find your own love?"

"I've invited a friend over for Boxing Day." Luna said quietly.

"Young Arthur? I've always like that boy. Good family the Weasleys, a bit set in their ways…"

"No Mum, not Arthur. A young man I met on the express this year."

"Does this young man have a name?"

"Of course he does Mum." Luna said gently. "Harry Potter."

"Potter? The Dimensional Traveler? I look forward to meeting him." Xena Lovegood paused. "Should I be concerned about this boy? Does he have relatives that might come to me looking to defend his honor?"

"Mum!"

"Don't 'Mum!' me young miss. I remember what it's like to be a young woman. I hope you aren't taking advantage of the poor lost boy."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"I'm telling you Blanch, that Potter boy has done something to Thubani Malfoy. Ever since the incident with the pentagram in the Dungeons, she's been terrified and trying to hide it."

Blanch Dumbledore regarded her Potions Mistress with a gimlet eye. "Are you suggesting that Miss Malfoy, who has by your own admission been terrifying students throughout her tenure here, has been so thoroughly intimidated by a single young man? One that she isn't even in a relationship with?"

"Blanch, you and the Dark Lady are making the same mistake." Silvia Snape snapped. "You both look at the Potter boy and see a normal boy. He is NOT what we would consider 'normal' by any extent of the imagination."

"I've had him in class at least as much as you have Silvia." Marcus McGonagall said swirling the Scotch in his glass before continuing. "I've seen nothing abnormal about young Harry. He is studious, polite, and quite talented with the practical application of transfigurational magic. His theory lags behind, but that isn't all that unusual. What are your impressions of the lad Filia?"

The Charms Mistress pondered the question for a moment. "There is more to the boy than meets the eye. I agree with Marcus that the boy is studious and talented, though a bit weak in theory. On the other hand I also agree with Silvia, Mr. Potter is most specifically NOT a normal boy. I know you all heard about what happened to Amanda Strews. I was in the infirmary with Paul discussing his coming to my 6th year class to discuss healing charms when Moody brought Strews in. Moody witnessed their 'practice duel'. He reported that Amanda cast first, and the boy responded. I was intrigued, so I dug a little deeper. In their 'practice session' she was only hit by three spells. Three bone breakers. According to Moody, those bone breakers were the only things the boy cast. Paul's diagnostics said that all three curses hit Amanda in less than two seconds."

"And this is important how?"

Filia Flitwick shook her head. "Silvia, there was a time you fancied yourself a duelist, has your time in the potions lab killed your memories of the fight?" The small woman lifted her snifter of brandy to her lips and sipped. "I couldn't have cast three bone breakers that quickly, much less that accurately when I was on the circuit, to say nothing of now. That's quite a bit of magic to force out in a short period of time. Potter was in class the next day, with no discernible change in the level of magic available to him. Is Potter responsible for what happened to Miss Malfoy? I haven't a clue. But he isn't a 'normal boy'."

"He's certainly arrogant." Snape groused.

"You evidently have a unique definition of arrogance Silvia, seeing as he has told no one of what he can do." The small woman said a bit miffed at the Potions Mistresses attitude. "Further I would suggest that it isn't arrogance if you can do it. From what I saw of what he did to Amanda, I wouldn't get onto a platform with him unless I could get very good odds and a cut of the gate. He would destroy you and Marcus. Until I can actually see him fight I wouldn't hazard a guess at to his level, but I doubt many at this school could stay on the platform with him." She looked directly into Dumbledore's eyes. "Very few indeed."

"There's more on your mind Filia. What is it?" Marcus McGonagall said.

Flitwick grimaced. "Mr. Potter started out this year a young man with an above average level of power. Since September, both his level of power and skill have increased tremendously beyond any and all expectations."

"We've all seen this Filia." Dumbledore said gently, "What about that has you so concerned?"

"It's what I've noticed about his friends. Miss Potter has exhibited a sudden unexplained increase in both power and skill over the last month. Not to the boy's level, but she is markedly improved. Mr. Granger has also had a spike in his level of power, though his skills are still top notch, I'm not sure how they would have… well, grown I guess. Perhaps most startling is the level of improvement seen in Miss Weasley. Where before she had little in the way of skill, getting by on force of will, she now has a skill level approaching that of Mr. Granger, and her already considerable level of power has increased."

"Are you sure?" Marcus asked. "I haven't noticed anything like that."

"Nor have I" Silvia Snape added.

"It's a duelist's habit, always evaluating those around you." The Charms Mistress confirmed. "I'm very sure."

Blanch Dumbledore sat quietly contemplating this new information. This was unexpected. How would this affect her plans?

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"Sit down Harry." Danielle Granger said when Harry rose to start in on the evening dishes following dinner.

Seeing the questioning look on the young man's face, Emmit Granger smiled. "Don't worry Harry, you aren't in trouble. We just want to have a word with you."

Harry glanced to Orestes and saw that his friend had carefully schooled his features to tell him nothing. Harry settled back down into the chair.

"Orestes told us about what is being done to Harriet." Danielle started.

"And it occurred to us that something like it could happen to you." Emmit continued. "We have petitioned the Ministry of Magic to become your guardians. They agreed to allow it, provided you agree."

"Really?" Harry was shocked. He hadn't even thought about that.

"Unfortunately," Orestes interjected, "We can't adopt you in the Muggle world. You don't… well exist really."

Harry hesitated. "I'm not this is the best idea…"

"Being associated with you would make us bigger targets." Orestes interrupted sarcastically. "Because after all, Riddle and her Death Eaters haven't been killing Muggle borns and their families for the last six months, right?"

"Sarcasm has no place in a civil discussion Orestes." The bushy haired wizard's father said. "Harry, our offer is sincere. We know that you'll reach your magical majority in a little over a year and a half, but we would like to offer you our home."

"I… I…" Harry's eyes dropped to the table in front of him. "Thank you."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Life at the Burrow was vibrant, busy and most of all loud. Harriet Potter loved the Weasleys to the depths of her soul, but sometimes they were just a little… too much. Missing Orestes wasn't helping much either. Harri found herself on the brink of hiking into Ottery St. Catchpole in search of a telephone box. The only thing stopping her was she wasn't sure if she had any pounds in her money bag up in her trunk.

"Hello Harri Potter."

Startled by the voice coming from behind her, Harri fell off the bench she had been sitting on.

"Luna! You startled me."

"Obviously." The blond witch said reaching down to help the Girl-Who-Lived to her feet. "I came by to get you. I thought it would be nice to visit Harry today, and you would distract Orestes nicely."

"Visit Harry?" Trying to keep up with Luna always gave Harriet a headache. She wondered how Harry managed it. "What makes you think that I could distract Orestes?"

"Please Harri, don't be insulting. When you are in the room, you are all Orestes sees. If I were to go without you, Harry and I wouldn't get a moments peace."

Harri wondered why she was hesitating. "I'll need to let the Weasley's know I'm leaving and get some money."

"Yes, do let them know, but don't worry about money, I've got plenty to show both our men a good time, you can pay me back later." The blond said.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

To say that the appearance of the two witches on the Granger's doorstep had been unexpected was something of an understatement. The two young men gathered their wits about them, and Orestes made a quick call to the elder Grangers dental surgery, explaining that they had been invited out for dinner by some school friends and would call by six. On the way to the Grangers, the girls had spotted a funfair, so their afternoon plans were taken care of.

The two couples strolled along the midway trying to decide what ride to do next. Oddly enough Luna was the only one among them who had ever actually been to a funfair before, the Potters had never been allowed, and Orestes' had never had any interest in them the rides or the games.

"Ooh!" The blond said as she took a bite of the caramel apple she had just purchased. "A carousel! Let's ride that, everyone likes a carousel."

Orestes gave the rotating structure a critical look. "Is it safe?"

"It's not that fast Orestes." Harry noted. "How dangerous could it be?"

The quartet offered up their tickets for the ride. Harry discovered that he was expected to ride 'side saddle' on the fiberglass horse like a 'proper gentleman'. He did, but felt like he was betraying generations of movie cowboys by doing so. Luna and Harri were showing off, hanging off the horses and grabbing at the boys while Harry laughed and Orestes looked on disapprovingly.

After that ride slowed to a stop, Luna made a show of assisting Harry to dismount while he tried not to laugh at her gallantry. As soon as the quartet returned to the midway, Luna made a beeline for the closest vendor, and returned with a pair of paper cones topped with large puffs of candy floss. Handing one to Harry, she tore into hers while Orestes huffed about sugar and tooth care.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"That Lovegood girl certainly can eat."Dionysodoros Tonks noted.

"Yeah. She'd give my youngest sister a run for her money. She's a good kid though, if a bit mad." Wilhelmina Weasley said while maintaining eye contact with the four students. "This gig would be a lot easier if Harriet had stayed at the Burrow like she was supposed to."

"Right." Dionysodoros said sarcastically. "After all, you spent all your time at home at that age."

"Yeah, I know." The eldest of the Weasley siblings said. "But I didn't have anyone trying to kill me Dionysos."

"Tonks! You know I want to be called Tonks. _**Billie…**_"

"Ok, ok. You weren't so excitable when you were in school."

"I'm trying to be taken seriously in my career. Being named "Gift from Dionysos" doesn't contribute to that." The Metamorphmagus huffed. "And as far as anyone trying to kill you, I seem to recall the mothers of more than a few boys who wanted to have rather pointed conversations with you."

"Oh yeah." Billie Weasley smiled. "Wasn't I something?"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Luna proudly presented Harry with a stuffed Teddy-Bear, having successfully knocked down six of the nine milk bottles.

"For my Hero!"

"Thank you Luna" Harry said in what he imagined was a demure manner, while smirking at Harriet only managing the next size smaller for Orestes. He eyed the large purple rabbits as tall as he was and wondered if Luna would like one, but decided that hauling the stupid thing around would be more trouble than it was worth. Besides being able to win one would be an extremely un-masculine thing to do, and would only attract attention.

Out of the corner of his eye Harry spotted that same green ball cap that had caught his attention as soon as they had arrived at the funfair. It proclaimed it's wearer a fan of the Chicago Cabs… At first Harry had assumed that it was a joke cap, but every time he turned around, that cap was there. So he made it his business to see who or what was under the cap. An attractive young woman, which he guessed to be approximately in her mid twenties. She had red hair and wore her clothing in a casual manor that suggested that she wasn't unused to muggle attire… A series of tall men seemed always to be near the woman with the ball cap without appearing to be with her. The men near the woman had different faces; different hair, even different skin colors, but wore more or less the same outfit. A team of some kind? It seemed what when ever he looked at them they were looking intensely at Harriet, though if either of the watchers noticed Harry watching them, they immediately looked away.

Harry needed to speak with Harriet, but Luna was standing in queue for a hamburger. He wasn't going to leave her. He satisfied himself by fingering his wand where it sat in his inside jacket pocket and maintaining eye contact on the watchers.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"I think the boy-Potter has spotted us." Billie Weasley said.

"Damn it." Tonks swore. "It must have been you; I was first in my class in concealment."

"Yeah, right." Weasley said rolling her eyes. "You're the professional, what do we do now? Should we report we were spotted to Dumbledore?"

Tonks thought for a moment. "No. We maintain our surveillance."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Harry accompanied Luna to a table where Orestes and Harriet were waiting. Luna set her meal (which had expanded to a 'burger, hot dog, plate of chips and a soda) on the table, then pulled out Harry's chair for him. Harry accepted the gesture in the spirit in which it was made, though he felt very stupid when she pushed his chair closer to the table for him.

As Luna dug into her meal, Harry leaned over to Harriet. "Some people are watching you."

"The 'Chicago Cabs'? Yeah I saw her." Harriet dimpled. "That's Billie Weasley. The Headmistress probably has minders on me. I'm going to raze her later for making such a goofy mistake. Old Mad-Eye has me paranoid enough that I'm checking around me every few seconds."

Harry relaxed. Odd that 'Billie' Weasley didn't resemble 'Bill' in the slightest… He idlely wondered if she had a fang earring or dragon skin boots… "Did you notice the men with her? They're all tall and wearing more or less the same outfit."

"Those are all the same person." Luna said having finished off her hamburger and picking up the hotdog. "A Metamorphmagus I think. They're really rare." She took a bite.

Orestes looked a bit annoyed. "So I'm the only one not to notice anything?" He stole a chip from Luna's plate and dabbed it in the mayonnaise. "It's not fair, I'm supposed to be the observant one."

"You can find the spy next time Orestes." Harri said and smiled when her date stuck his tongue out at her.

"So." Harry said rubbing his hands together. "Do we behave ourselves and make the minder's, who we didn't ask for and don't need, jobs easier," A huge grin twitched at his lips. "Or do we prank them back to the stone age?"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

**A/N: A few thoughts.**

**A few reviewers took exception with my suggestion in the last chapter's author's notes that in the Fem-Universe women come from the XY chromosome pair and men from XX. The gist of this exception boiled down to "You don't know anything about DNA, dumbass"**

**Back in the day when I picked up my BS in Computer Science, my minor was in world History, but I took a bio class or two. I haven't stayed current on the topic, but back then I was fairly intrigued with the concepts of base pairing pushing purines to become pyrimidines through hydrogen bonding, though I suspect that in the intervening years much of what I learned has been superseded by new science. Hell, I may have boogered up the terminology; it was a long time ago. (But then I still remember the all clear numbers for radiological contamination "less than ten to the minus ninth micro micro curies per cubic liter" so the memory isn't all that bad)**

**That being said, while I am most certainly not a real world expert in DNA, in regards to the Fem-Universe I am the all knowing God Creator. Biology works the way I say it does in my fictional universe… Just like Magic works the way I say it does. Anyone who has problems with this should write their own fics.**

**I find more than a little amusing that when confronted with a fictional universe where in human beings manipulate quanta via force of will and stick waving, some people find my fictional DNA most worthy of snarky comments…**

**Acknowledgements: Thanks to tarkas1956 for his suggestions that improved the interactions between Narcissus Malfoy and Harry.**

**I also called for assistance in coming up with an appropriately embarrassing name for a male Tonks after trying several variations of 'Satyr'. Many excellent suggestions came in, such as Satyriasis from Random_Placeholder (using a disease name tickled me, but I'd already done that joke with 'Rubella' Hagrid), Satysadore from ****shermanjrc, '****Nymph Adorer' from ubereng**** (who may have been drinking… because he also came up with 'Bob' 'Sue' and 'Jayne'), '****Don Juan, Casanova, or Leon Phelps' suggested by wt4dave, 'Ephebedore' from Earl Cauthridge, **** '****Panamour' came from ****bjdibbins, and suggestions for using a Satyr variant came from Dapstccg1972 and ****Red Jacobson**** . The best suggestion (IMHO) was ****Dionysodoros from AmberDragon, thanks guys.**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work. Damn it.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

**Confrontations**

"They've spotted their minders." Rakasha said while casually tossing the ball in her hand at the stack of milk bottles.

"Pretty hard not to." Lokabrenna smirked as she quietly shrunk yet another large stuffed toy rabbit so that it could fit into her pocket along with the seven others Rakasha had won. "The Chicago Cabs? We need to explain stealth to the girl." She frowned. "The boy spotted them first. Then Harri."

"I'm not certain, but I think the Lovegood girl spotted them first, and possibly us as well. She is so much a melding of Xena Lovegood and Hyperion Malfoy it's frightening. His brilliance combined with her tenacity." The prematurely graying woman shook her head as the pair moved away from the ball toss game, one of them always maintaining an eye on the four young students. "Are you sure about this Loki?" Rakasha asked. "Harri actually seems… happy."

"Yeah Moonie, I'm very sure. I managed to get a good sniff of him before Dumbledore rushed me out of the Hospital Wing last May. His scent is almost exactly the same as Harri's. That raised my hackles all by itself. Even identical twins don't smell that much alike."

"True," the Were agreed. "There are potions that could duplicate scents though… a modified Polyjuice perhaps."

"My thoughts exactly." Her eyes narrowed. "I fucked up in '81, I'm not going to fail Harri again."

"We aren't going to fail Harri again, Loki. We aren't going to fail her."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"Why that Lovegood girl doesn't weigh 15 stone I'll never know." Tonks said shaking his head.

"Yeah. She does put it away." The pair watched as the male Potter and the Granger boy stood from the table and left together in the direction of the public facilities.

Billie Weasley shook her head. "I'll never understand why all you men go to the toilets in groups. What do you do in there?"

"That's the most closely guarded secret of the invisible male conspiracy. I could tell you, but then you would have to die." Tonks grinned. "Should I follow them?"

"No" the red head said shaking her head. "The Potter girl is our responsibility; the Headmistress hasn't said anything about the boy."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Orestes followed Harry toward the toilet facilities, keeping an eye on the minders.

"They aren't paying any attention to us." He hissed to his friend. "But that doesn't make this a good idea Harry. Billie's a curse breaker, which means she knows how to cast all of the curses she has to break. She's going to kill us dead."

"Pranking people is almost never a good idea Orestes. It is funny though, which makes up for a whole lot of stupidity." Harry took his place on the queue that led to a charity booth. "Now our problem is that using magic is a no no. So, the dedicated prankster has to learn to 'prank off the land' to miss-turn a phrase."

"So we're in line for pies?"

"Yep. Sometimes you've got to go with the classics. Hey, it was good enough for the Stooges."

"Who?" the bushy haired Wizard asked.

"Doesn't matter," Harry said while peering toward the front of the line all the while pondering what a trio of female Stooges might have been like. "I hope they have cherry."

"I thought you wanted to go with the classics," Orestes said hesitantly. "Isn't Banana Cream the traditional pie of choice?"

Harry turned to face his friend. "Ok, now you're just messing with me."

"What?"

"You know the traditions, but claim to be ignorant of the contribution that the Three Stooges made to the art form that is the pie fight?" Harry grinned, and then turned back to the counter to look over the selection.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The pair quietly approached the minders from behind, with Harry signaling that he would take the curse breaker. Orestes' face plainly showed that he didn't think that doing this was a good idea, but he carried on, despite the constant refrain of 'this isn't a good idea' echoing in his head.

Harry eased up to the red head wearing the ball cap, and tapped the woman on her shoulder. "Oh Billie?"

"OOH Pie!" a woman said from behind Harry. Before Harry could react the pie was no longer in his hand. He turned to face a woman with long black hair and grey eyes that seemed to bore into his soul. There was something about the woman's face, the line of her jaw, and the smile lines at the corners of her eyes…

"Meh." A shorter woman who appeared to have lifted the pie from Orestes' hands and had started snacking on a piece. "Coconut Cream," this woman's hair was a light brunette, starting to grey, her eyes were a crystal blue, and her clothing seemed somehow… shabby.

"I like Coconut Cream," The dark haired woman said. "Trade you for this Lemon Meringue?"

"Deal."

Harry listened to the banter between the pair as their identities slowly became clear to him. "Padfoot? Moonie?" he whispered.

"Ah, Ms. Moonie, it seems our visitor recognizes us."

Harry was struck by how Sirius' counterpart stressed the word visitor.

"So it seems Ms. Padfoot. Odd that he would resort to such a pedestrian prank against a pair of individuals who were only trying to protect his dimensional twin."

Harry mentally cringed at the Lupin woman's very accurate point. Recover. He thought. Appeal to Padfoot's sense of humor. An idea occurred. Perhaps her vanity would be a better gambit. "Wow Padfoot, you're beautiful."

The woman paused in mid bite of the slice of pie she had exchanged with Moonie, and raised her left eyebrow. "Really Harry? Both Dumbledore and Harri have told us you come from a supposed 'alternate reality'. Was your supposed male Padfoot that easily distracted?"

"Wow Padfoot, you're beautiful!" The female Were mimicked, her voice full of laughter. "That was fairly pathetic young man, though if truth be told there were times where that line would have worked against Ms. Padfoot."

"I think we should talk Harry." Sirius' female counterpart said before she turned to the pair of minders. "Oh Dionysodoros,"

"Tonks." The man snapped. "My name it Tonks."

"Dionysodoros, I was there when Andy hung that name on you, just before he wiped you clean and put you in Teddie's arms for the first time." The woman's smile grew wider. "If you two would go and ask the two young women to join us at Headquarters?"

"Headquarters?" Harry asked.

"You'll see Lad," the Were said with a smile as she grasped Orestes arm and disappeared with a soft pop.

Harry was startled, was that what a portkey looked like?

"I guess you're with me God-son," the black haired woman said as she took hold of Harry's arm.

Those words were still ringing in his ears when Harry suddenly found himself feeling as if he was being squeezed through a pipe and he could no longer breathe.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Harry could not breathe, it was as if there were metal bands tightening around his chest; his eyes were being forced back into his head; his eardrums were being pushed deeper into his skull and then … He was on his knees, gulping great lung fulls of air and blinked his eyes to dispel the tears that filled them. It was a few seconds before he realized that funfair had vanished. He and this woman who was, and yet wasn't Sirius Black were now standing in what appeared to be an unfurnished dimly lit room.

"What the hell was that?"

"That was apparition Harry. I take it you've never done it before." The female Black said in a cold tone from behind him. Harry found himself suddenly flying through the air, impacting on the cold stone wall hard enough that he saw stars. It wasn't until his vision cleared that he realized that he was stuck to the wall with his arms rigidly at his sides.

"What is this?" the fifteen year old wizard demanded.

"This is my little way of finding out what you're up to," The woman said. "You've managed to fool Dumbledore, you've managed to fool Harri and her friends. Hell, you've even managed to fool Moody, but me, I don't buy your oh so convenient story for a minute. Showing up just when she needed you? Pull the other one; it's got bells on it."

"Tell me something," Harry spat, his eyes blazing. "If you think I'm such a terrible, imminent threat to Harri then why has it taken six months for you to do anything? Not exactly quick off the mark, are you?"

A door opened on the far wall behind Sirius' analogue. The Lupin woman entered the room. "You started without me Lokabrenna. That's awfully selfish of you." The Were sealed the door behind them. "I told them that you had taken their playmate on a tour of the house. Harri and the Granger boy accepted what I had to say, but the Lovegood girl, she all but called me a liar." She grimaced. "Dionysodoros and Billie Weasley are keeping an eye on them while I 'find' you." The graying woman turned to Harry. "We're going to have a little talk, just the three of us, and you're going to tell us the truth."

"The both of you are in on this?" Harry felt his rage building, but fought to maintain control as he pulled his magic together in preparation for breaking the sticking charm. "This is the second time in two months a Potter has been attacked by backstabbing gutless cowards. Why aren't I surprised? The pair of you just keep piling on things that you'll have to explain to Jane and Lance Potter."

Lokabrenna Black jabbed the tip of her wand into the boy's throat. "Don't you dare speak their names. We honor them with everything we do."

"Fuck you." Harry's eyes narrowed with rage. "You abandoned your responsibilities to Harri the night Jane and Lance Potter died, when you handed her to Hagrid so that you could chase off after Petra Pettigrew instead of taking care of your god daughter like you promised you would, you arrogant self serving bitch. If you had done what you were supposed to do she would have been spared a decade at the hands of her aunt and uncle. It's because of you and your selfish disregard of anyone other than yourself, she's at risk of being adopted by the fucking Malfoys. She needs you and what do you do for her? You show up when it suits you to whine about how rough your life has been and what the dementors took from you. She saved your flea-bitten ass, at least twice. What have you ever done for her?"

"That's hardly fair." Rakasha Lupin sputtered in defense of her friend.

Harry shifted his eyes to Lupin. "And you Werewolf, you're even worse. You don't even have the excuse of being put in prison for being an idiot to fall back on. You abandoned Harri completely. You never even tried to see her, not even after she rejoined the Magical World. It wasn't until her third year she even met you, and even then it was only because Dumbledore called you. On the rare occasions she's seen you since she's mostly been treated to your whining about your 'beast within'. The pair of you disgust me. I tolerated this crap from Sirius and Remus because they at least tried to help me at times. They never attacked me from behind."

Lokabrenna Black dug the tip of her wand deeper into the neck of the boy, "I should kill you little boy."

"Oh really?" Harry asked. "Are you sure you've got the rocks? I mean I'm looking you in the face; wouldn't you be more comfortable with my back to you? "

Rakasha' wand joined that of Lokabrenna Black. "Who are you? Why are you here?"

Through clenched teeth Harry responded. "Fuck you."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"Where is Harry?" Luna Lovegood asked for the third time in as many minutes. Her question was met by silence from the minders. "Fine. I'm going to find him." She stood and headed for the sitting room door.

"Your friend is being shown around the house by my cousin." Dionysodoros Tonks responded patiently while blocking the blonde's exit. "You know that. Rakasha told us all that when we arrived. Loki wants a chance to get to know the boy, and he's never seen this house."

That statement caught Orestes' attention, and spiked his concern to the levels that Luna had been feeling since they arrived at this dreary old mansion. "Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Lokabrenna Black only barely knows me, and doesn't know Luna at all. None of us have ever been here before. Why is Harry the only one getting a personal tour?"

"What's going on?" Harri Potter asked. "Billie, do you know?"

The eldest of the Weasley daughters hesitated. She agreed that something about this seemed… off. But Lokabrenna Black and Rakasha Lupin were senior members of the Order; surely they wouldn't be involved in anything…

"I'm sure they're just having a talk with the little guy." Billie said, not really believing what she was saying. "Maybe they're making sure he's getting 'The Talk' since he's more or less alone in this reality."

"Harry is hardly alone," Orestes said. "My parents have adopted him in the Witching world."

"And Harry most specifically does not need 'The Talk' I can assure you." Luna stated quietly.

"All right Luna!" Harri said, forgetting for the moment the questions in her mind, while smiling at Orestes' blush.

"Be that as it may," Tonks said attempting to regain control of the situation, "You three are staying here."

"By what right are you confining us to this room Auror Tonks?" Luna asked.

"That's a very good question," Orestes agreed. "We were brought here without our consent, and are seemingly confined to this room. Are you arresting us?"

"You're not under arrest," Billie Weasley said. The Curse Breaker didn't like where this conversation was going. These four weren't little kids, and here Black and Lupin had asked that she and Tonks confine three of them while they spoke with the fourth. This had bad idea written all over it.

"Then I for one am leaving." Luna said rising to her feet. "Are you two coming with me? We can find Harry and finish our date."

Tonks drew his wand. "No one is going anywhere."

The three students exchanged looks.

"Are you very sure you want to do that?" Harri asked quietly.

"Girl, I'm an Auror, Billie is a Curse Breaker. It's time for you three to be good children and do what we tell you."

Billie mentally cringed, while pulling her own wand in support of her partner. It was obvious to her that Tonks was an only child, issuing a challenge like that. The trio in front of them was sure to respond to that challenge, and while the kids had no chance against Tonks and herself, the coming rebellion was now inevitable.

"Are you acting in your official capacity Auror Tonks?" Orestes Granger asked.

"No, but this is for your own good."

"Ah. 'For my own good'," Harri Potter said standing up from the sofa. "You know, never once in my entire life have the words 'for your own good' ever meant anything good for me." She slowly drew her own wand, as did the other two students. "Hands up everyone who's ever dueled with the Dark Lady." She paused with her eyes locked with the now somewhat pale Auror. "Oh, just me? Well, I guess I'm going to go find my brother then. Is that going to be a problem Auror Tonks?"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Riddle sat on her throne watching with a detached amusement as her followers scurried about preparing for the evenings ritual.

This was all too easy. Even the most intelligent of the pure bloods were easily manipulated, be it appealing to their greed, their ambitions or even their fears, but now it seemed that someone else was using this tactic.

Reports of the Malfoy heir being found staked to the center of a pentagram drawn in blood, shaved bare and having had an unknown rune set painted on her body in that same blood had reached Riddle the same day she was found, and the Dark Lady had witnessed Lucille Malfoy's emotional shifts from confusion as to what the incident might mean, to anger that anyone would dare touch her precious daughter, to suddenly, oddly, almost concealed fear.

The Parkinson boy's descriptions of young Thubani's paranoia following the episode almost made Riddle smile.

Still… having such an abject coward in line to lead one of the families sworn to her was a situation that needed addressing. The Dark Lady nodded to herself. The Malfoys would conduct the ritual tonight… All three of them. Should any of the Malfoy family hesitate in their service to the Dark Lady, they could easily be culled then.

Ah, the guest of honor for the evening's ritual arrived. A Muggle boy, no more than fifteen if Riddle was to guess. The boy's eyes were wild and panicked, and he was crying for his father.

Perfect.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"Quit struggling boy." Lupin said dismissively. "We've held stronger wizards than you with this charm. "We kept Orion Black silenced on the ceiling of the charms classroom for a whole weekend."

Harry grimaced in mock pain. These two were rank amateurs at causing pain when compared to the Riddle of the Room. He had defeated the sticking charm a few moments before and was waiting for one of the female Marauders to come within his reach. Sirius' counterpart had conjured a chair and was taking a break, but Lupin was just close enough. The pair's actions were confirming what Harry had long feared after hearing Sirius' 'hilarious' stories of his time at Hogwarts. The Marauders were bullies, plain and simple. Harry didn't like bullies. Not even a little bit.

"Tell me who you are," Lupin said, coming close enough to once again jab her wand into a nerve cluster and casting a pain hex.

The raven haired dimensional traveler had had enough, and he was a little sad that he had overcome the 'don't hit girls' attitude he had arrived in this reality with. Harry spread the fingers of his right hand and silently called his wand.

The werewolf's enhanced senses noticed the wand flying through the air; her ears heard the distinctive slap of a summoned wand into the hand of its wielder. Lupin started moving to prevent the boy from making his escape, her eyes widening in shock as her wolfish speed was shown to be no where near sufficient to counter the boy's casting.

Rakasha Lupin flew across the room in the grip of the boy's banishing spell. The Were impacted hard against the far wall and slid to the floor unconscious.

Lokabrenna Black stared open mouthed at her childhood friend, when she looked to the boy. The boy was standing away from the wall, having somehow freed himself, his wand glowing with barely restrained power. This was… was… impossible. How could a mere boy defeat that sticking charm? It had held the most powerful… Black struggle to rise from her conjured chair when the door blew into the room. The heavy wooden door was blasted across the room, hitting the woman fully in the chest and driving her into the wall.

Lokabrenna's last memory of the event was an outraged Luna Lovegood standing in the now empty doorway.

"Get the hell away from my boyfriend!"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

"Pathetic. Just Pathetic."

Lokabrenna's consciousness slowly returned. She was standing upright, somehow. It took her a moment to recognize her situation.

She was stuck to the wall. Lokabrenna opened her eyes and found her self looking into the smirking eyes of Anastasia Moody.

"Mad-Eye?"

"Pitiful Black, you and the werewolf both, just pitiful. I don't blame the cadet or the curse breaker, they were never trained for what you inflicted on them, but you? I spent three years training you and you get your ass handed to you by four school kids." The Retired Auror shook her head. "I told you not to annoy the boy. I guess I should have included his friends in the warning."

"What happened? I feel so…"

"Disconnected? Out of sorts? Not quite yourself?" Moody asked right on the edge of laughter.

"What? What's happened?"

"The Potters and their friends decided to take advantage of the wards on this old mausoleum and practice their switching spells on you four," Mad-Eye laughed, her magical eye spinning wildly. "I think your left leg is yours, other than that, you've got a limb from each of the other three idiots."

Black looked about the room. It was the same room she and Rakasha had been using to interrogate the boy. Stuck to the far was Billie Weasley, with three limbs that didn't… fit. On the wall to Lokabrenna's left hung a still unconscious Rakasha Lupin, to her right, Tonks. Each of the four had a limb belonging to each of the others, with the Cursebreaker and the Auror showing evidence of having been hexed to wild day glo colors.

"What is going on here?" Blanch Dumbledore demanded as she entered the room. "The sitting room is destroyed and…" her voice trailed off as she took in the scene in the room. "Lokabrenna, what have you done?"

"I told you my suspicions about the boy pretending to be Harri's dimensional twin." The fugitive head of the family Black said. "You ignored me, so Rakasha and I took it upon ourselves to find out what he is up to."

"And ending up stuck to the wall in your own house was the culmination of your cunning plan?" Silvia Snape asked from where she leaned in the door jamb. "I need to take all this in," the greasy haired woman said baring her yellow teeth in a most horrendous smile. "One never knows when one will need a happy memory for a patronus…"

"Oh shut up Silvia," Rakasha Lupin said as she shook her head trying to clear it as she forced herself awake. "Could one of you please give me back my own arm and legs and get me down off this wall?"

Dumbledore ignored the Were. "Lokabrenna, I told you when we discussed this originally that I believed the boy's story." The aged Headmistress waver her wand to disrupt the charm on Lokabrenna, and then frowned when nothing happened. "Odd…" She seemed to peer closer at the woman, "Ah, the work of Ms. Lovegood then." Much more wand waving and several muttered incantations later Black found she once again was in possession of her own limbs.

"He doesn't smell right Blanch." Rakasha protested as Moody freed her from the wall. "He smells almost exactly like Harri. Even identical twins have different scents. He's up to something."

"He was up to rendering you unconscious and sticking you to a wall." Silvia Snape observed. "It's a pity the he didn't do something about your mouth to save us all from having to hear you whine like a little boy."

"The reason he doesn't smell like a twin is that for all intents and purposes the Potters are the same person." Moody said, freeing Tonks from the wall, and casting enervate on him.

"What?" the Metamorphmagus jerked into a sitting position. "What happened?"

"You got your ass handed to you by a group of school children." Moody said helpfully. "Almanzo would be so proud of you."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Pausing to rinse the plate in his hand Harry handed it to Orestes to dry. Harri was finishing cleaning the cooker while Luna looked on in amazement.

"You actually do this every day? No magic at all?"

"We're all Muggle raised Luna." Harry chuckled. "This is the only way we knew until our Hogwarts letters came."

"Besides," Orestes interjected, "ignoring the fact that we can't do magic out of school, using magic for something as simple as washing up seems somehow… I don't know, frivolous I guess."

"I don't know if I'd go as far as frivolous." Harri said giving the chrome work of the cooker a final wipe. "But at some level I enjoy losing myself for a few moments in a mindless chore." She reached out to lightly stroke Orestes' arm. "And when I'm doing that chore for someone I don't hate… Well, that just makes it all the better."

"I can't imagine doing daily chores like this without magic." An odd look crossed the blonde's face. "Perhaps it would make an interesting article for the Quibbler."

"Orestes?" Emmit Granger called from the door way. "You all have a visitor."

The quartet made their way to the sitting room to find Professor Dumbledore waiting for them.

"Good evening all." The aged witch said. "I was surprised to find from Ginevra Weasley that you had asked to spend the night here Harriet," she said wearing an expression of supreme disappointment. "Almost as surprised as I was to hear of your adventures today."

"The rest of us neglected to check out with you when we left our homes today Professor," Harry said drily. "Are you also disappointed in us as well?"

"Mr. Potter, you of all people should understand, Ms. Potter needs to be protected."

"The level of protection you're suggesting is insulting Professor," Harri sniffed. "If I am to be unable to leave the places you define as safe, then I might as well welcome the Malfoy family's attempts to adopt me. At least when they would imprison me, they would be honest about it."

"As witnessed by Harri's guardian problems, you have no claim on Ms. Potter Professor having not made yourself her guardian," Danielle Granger noted. "She is more than welcome here, and from what I understand at the Weasley's. Why are you making this your concern?"

"Mrs. Granger, there are factors of this situation of which you are completely unaware. Ms. Potter is at risk as long as the Dark Lady lives. I have established an organization called The Order of the Phoenix that is specifically tasked with keeping her safe."

"Oh, yes." Luna remarked. "We experienced their efforts toward keeping her safe just today."

"Confinement with a side of torture." Harry agreed.

"Hardly torture Mr. Potter. What happened today was a mistake, an error of judgment by two young women who only intended to protect Harriet." The silver haired witch said. "It will not happen again."

"Too right it won't." Orestes snorted.

"Next time they'll know to bring friends." Luna predicted. "A whole lot of friends."

"There will not be a 'next time' Ms. Lovegood, I promise you." Dumbledore said wondering just when she had lost control of this conversation. "The situation today was purely due to a pair of young women who got a touch over enthusiastic in the defense of the only child of their oldest friends."

"Enthusiastic in deed." Harry scoffed. "You should let them know that the only reason that I didn't do real damage to them is that Orestes was the calm voice of reason as he usually is."

"All of this is very interesting." Danielle Granger interrupted. "But it's getting late. Professor, our boys have out permission to invite their friends over to our home as long as they clear it with us first. Both Xena Lovegood and Ginevra Weasley gave their permission for the visit tonight. You are the Headmistress of the children's school, I would suggest that you focus your attention and formidable talents toward that and butt out of the lives of these young people."

"Mrs. Granger, I assure you…"

"No, Professor, I assure you. If any of your 'Order' try anything like they did today again, I will be calling the police and contacting your ministry to complain specifically about you."

"And I might find it necessary to write to a few of the Witching World's publications to tell the story as well." Emmit added. "I wonder if having your name in it as well as Harriet's might not generate a bit of interest… you know, sell a few papers."

"You just don't understand…"

"Good night Professor." Danielle said rising from her chair.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

It had taken another twenty minutes for the Headmistress to actually leave. When she finally did, the elder Grangers sat the teens down at the dining room table and put cups of tea in front of each of them.

It was time to talk.

Danielle Granger pondered what she should be doing. She had been dreading the day that her little boy would discover girslsince the day he had been born. No, make that her boys. Young Harry had been in their lives for only slightly more than half a year, and half of that away at school, but he had become part of the Granger family before Danielle had ever thought to make it official.

Now there were young women in the picture. Young women with only one thing on their evil little one track minds. Danielle recognized the looks in their eyes from when she had seen the same look in her own eyes whenever she had looked into a mirror during her own teen years.

"You all know, of course, that we trust you, right?"

Orestes blushed. "Dad…"

"We trust you to spend the nights in your own rooms." Danielle clarified. "Boys in Orestes' room, Girls in Harry's."

"We know that Mum."

"Good." Danielle hesitated. "How much should we worry about what happened today?"

The teens exchanged looks.

"Quite a bit." Orestes admitted. "The Dark Lady's followers have been killing innocents since last summer."

"Harry and I have approached the Goblins about warding your home. That will protect you from them, or at least give you warning and a chance to escape." The female Potter explained.

"In the mean time you've got one of the world's premier spell casters living here, along with the smartest Wizard of his generation." Luna pointed out. "Attacking this house would be the biggest mistake any Death Eater could make."

"Also likely the last." Orestes agreed.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The chamber was lit by hundreds of torches; a raised dais was situated in the middle of the room. Stripped naked and tied to the dais with acromantula silk was the Muggle boy tearfully struggling against his bonds. The dais was surrounded by the followers of the Dark Lady Riddle, chanting "vita eternus pro era" over and over.

Thubani and Lucille Malfoy stood on either side of the boy clad in the silken ritual robes, while a sky clad Narcissus Malfoy straddled the boy's groin, his arms extended toward the sky.

Lucille drew an ornate silver knife from her robes, and raised it above her head. "Is est per veneficus unus meus Era sets suus intentio in motus. Is est per cruor of letalis ut Era usurpo immortalis , vesica usurpo macula. macula fio subcribo. Is est per veneficus unus meus Era sets suus intentio in motus." She intoned.

Thubani picked up the incantation. "vestri vita opes nusquam. nostrum senior mos epulum super vestri nex." A swirl of gray mist bloomed between Narcissus' upraised arms.

"Vestri animus mos nutritor nostrum vinco" Lucile continued, he drove the knife into the screaming boy's chest. "Vestri cruor mos nutritor ritus vesica!"

"Vestri viscus mos nutritor suus secuutus." Narcissus chanted as he drove his hands into the hole the blade had made guiding the gray mist into the boy's body cavity and yanking a chunk of the boy's ribcage free, bringing the boy's flesh to his lips.

"Vos intereo iam ut nos epulum!" Thubani screamed as she pulled flesh from the boy.

Lucille brought the now glowing knife to the Dark Lady. The head of the Malfoy family knelt one the flagstone floor and offered the ceremonial knife up to her Mistress hilt first. Riddle accepted the blade, raising it above her head. "Particeps meus liberi , utor viscus of nequam puer constrictum vestri animus ut mei. Vestri ago es mei , vestri animus es mei , nos es reus una totus nostrum!"

Riddle then slowly sheathed the blade in her stomach, reveling in the pain, feeling the discharge of the absorbed life energy into her body. Her eyes closed she could sense the passions of her followers as other filthy Muggles were brought into the chamber for their pleasure.

Death. Death and pain. Her favorite things.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Orestes jerked upright in his bed, the digital clock on her bedside table showed the time, 3:22 am. Then it came again, the sound that had woke him. A scream, like a soul suffering the torments of hell.

"What?" Harry asked from the floor. In the light of the clock's display Orestes could see her friend sitting up. For some reason Harry had refused to share Orestes' double bed and had insisted on the floor. "Was that a scream?"

Harry's question was answered by another blood curdling scream.

Orestes' blood ran cold. Harri! He leaped from the bed, with Harry scrambling to his feet to follow. Outside his door Orestes found his parents had arrived at the room Harri and Luna were sharing for the night before he had. Forcing his way passed his parents he found Luna holding a thrashing Harri.

"She won't wake up." The blond said in a panicked voice, "and she won't quit screaming."

"Oh my god." Harry gasped when he say his twin. "Her scar, it's bleeding!"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

**A/N: A few translations:**

vita eternus pro era

**life eternal for mistress**

Is est per veneficus unus meus Era sets suus intentio in motus. Is est per cruor of letalis ut Era usurpo immortalis , vesica usurpo macula. macula fio subcribo. Is est per veneficus unus meus Era sets suus intentio in motus.

**It is by magic alone my Lady sets her plan in motion. It is by the blood of mortal that the Mistress acquires immortality, the blade acquires stains. The stains become the sign. It is by magic alone my Lady sets her plan in motion.**

Yes I ripped off Dune. What can I say, it tickled me.

**vestri vita opes nusquam. nostrum senior mos epulum super vestri nex.**

your life means nothing. our lord will feast upon your death.

**Vestri animus mos nutritor nostrum vinco**

Your soul will feed our master

**Vestri cruor mos nutritor ritus vesica**

Your blood will feed the ritual blade

**Vestri viscus mos nutritor suus secuutus.**

Your flesh will feed his followers.

**Vos intereo iam ut nos epulum**

You die now that we feast

**particeps meus liberi , utor viscus of nequam puer constrictum vestri animus ut mei. Vestri ago es mei , vestri animus es mei , nos es reus una totus nostrum!**

Eat my children, use the flesh of the worthless boy to bind your souls to mine. Your lives are mine, your souls are mine, we are bound together all of us!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work. Damn it.**

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

**Confrontations**

Orestes' blood ran cold as another scream pierced the night. Harri! He leaped from the bed, with Harry scrambling to his feet to follow. Outside his door Orestes found his parents had arrived at the room Harri and Luna were sharing for the night before he had. Forcing his way past his parents he found Luna holding a thrashing Harri.

"She won't wake up." The blonde said in a panicked voice, "and she won't quit screaming."

"Oh my god." Harry gasped when he saw his dimensional twin. "Her scar, it's bleeding!"

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

Harry pushed past Orestes and knelt next to his sister, taking her face in his hands.

Not blood. Whatever this was, it wasn't blood. Harry tried to clear the thick whatever it was oozing from her scar out of her eyes with his thumbs, wishing he could avoid touching it. The ichor was black, and thick, smelling of rot and decay.

"Something is very wrong." He said feeling stupid for stating the obvious. "Luna get yourself away from both of us, I don't know what this stuff is, but …"

"I should call a doctor." Emmit said.

"A doctor wouldn't know what to do with this…" Orestes hesitated. "We need a healer."

Harry held Harriet's face tighter in the face of her thrashing. "I don't think that a healer could do much for her either. Luna, can you contact your mother? She might be able to find Dumbledore."

"I can try," the blonde said.

Harriet opened her eyes and Harry gasped. Where her green eyes usually sat were a pair of dull black orbs, "Dear God." Harry looked to Luna, "Please Luna, try and get some help."

Luna ran to search her overnight bag for the charmed mirror she used to stay in touch with her mother while the Grangers looked on in horror as whatever it was continued to ooze from the blood red scar on Harriet's forehead.

Harry took hold of a fist full of his dimensional twin's hair with his right hand and wrapped his left arm around the girl, trapping her arms between their bodies. "Come on Harri," he whispered. "Wake up."

Holding her against his body seemed to calm her thrashing, but Harriet still didn't wake up. When asked later, Harry was never able to explain why he did what he did next. Tightening his grip on her hair, he pulled her face to his own, he looked deeply into the empty black orbs that were his dimensional twin's eyes and pressed his scar to hers.

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

**_~Discontinuity~_**

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Harry was suddenly somewhere else.

What the hell? That wasn't a portkey, and it wasn't the horrible compression of apparition he had experienced earlier that same day. What the hell had just happened?

Harry round himself standing in a chamber lit by hundreds of torches magically suspended in the air. On a raised stage in the middle of the room was a crying naked boy who seemed to be struggling against invisible bonds. The platform was surrounded by dozens of people wearing the robes and masks of the Death Eaters. The followers of the Dark Lady, chanted "vita eternus pro era" over and over.

"No, no, no, no, no."

Harry turned at the sound of the voice that seemed to be coming from everywhere at once. He found Harriet standing next to him and just beyond her were a pair of figures that both appeared to be a somewhat female versions of Voldemort's reborn form.

Riddle. It had to be. But why were there two of them?

Harry followed the line of the gaze of the three women; they were both staring at the naked boy. What was going on?

"I'm glad you could make it Harriet." The voice of the female Riddle also came from everywhere, both of the snake-like women's unmoving lips fixed in a macabre grin. "My followers have arranged to feed this form I now wear, and to feed themselves to seal their enslavement to me. Isn't it wonderful? After I discovered we shared a connection, I thought you might enjoy seeing the fate that awaits all of your friends."

"No, no, no, no, no." Harri's voice whispered. Her lips also didn't move, his dimensional twin was seemingly unable to look away from the boy as the Malfoy family climbed onto the platform, Narcissus disrobing as he did so. The closer of the two Riddles turned to face Harriet.

"Yes Harri, he's going to die, and there is nothing you can do about it."

Why weren't either Harry or either of the Riddles paying any attention to him? Harry looked around the chamber. Upon looking down, he was startled to find that neither he, Harriet nor the closest of the Riddles cast shadows.

No shadows? One of the Riddles had a shadow. What the hell is going on? That was when Harry noticed that he could still feel Harriet's hair in his left hand, feeling the hand curled into a fist despite the fact that he was looking at his open hand. He could feel his forehead still being pressed against Harriet's, still smell the rot of the black ichors that oozed from her scar. He could feel her breath on his upper lip.

Realization hit him hard. He wasn't really here. Neither he nor Harri had moved, this was all in his… no… This was Riddle's or Harri's mind. Riddle was somehow projecting all of this into Harri's mind as a way to torture her. But how did he get here? Was there a connection through the scars somehow?

Riddle doesn't know I'm here. He thought. This has to be Harri's mind. If it were Riddle's she would know about me.

Now naked, Narcissus Malfoy straddled the captive boy's groin, his arms extended toward the ceiling of the chamber, Thubani and Lucille Malfoy took up positions on either side of the boy. Lucille drew a knife from her robes, and raised it above her head and started chanting in bad Latin.

Harry suddenly realized what they were about to do. He wasn't actually here, he couldn't do anything to help the boy, but Harriet seemingly couldn't look away. Could she see him? Harry tried to move, it was like moving through jelly. As Malfoy began the downward thrust over the boy's body Harry had moved to place himself between the spectacle and his dimensional twin.

"Harri. Harri. You've got to wake up."

"Harry?" Her lips still didn't move, but her voice seemed to be coming from further away now.

"You're not paying attention Harri." Riddle's voice echoed all around them. "It's rude to let your attention waver. The boy is dying for your entertainment. Perhaps your Mudblood will be the next guest of honor. Do you suppose he would cry for his father the way the Muggle does?"

"Harri, listen to me. This isn't real. This is all in your head." Harry screamed in her face.

His twin's face took on an expression of confusion. "Not real? But it's so…"

He was losing her. Harry tried to think of something, anything that would help… Then an idea occurred to him, something he had overheard from one of Dudley's telly programs… "Harry, this isn't real, it's all in your mind. Your mind. You are in control of what happens here. Riddle is using your fears against you."

"But she's so strong…" The raven haired girl whispered.

"I'm guessing you know why I call my followers Death Eaters now, don't you Harriet?" Riddle laughed. "I wonder what your Mudblood will taste like."

"She's not strong here Harri, you are." Harry screamed. "If she was really strong, she would know I was here wouldn't she? This is your mind. You're the one with the power here."

"Not real?" She asked again.

"Oh, I assure you girl, this is very real." Riddle hissed.

"No, not real. Riddle has invaded your mind. Hurt her."

"Hurt her? How?"

"I don't know…" Harry concentrated on the best way to do psychic damage to someone. Then a thought occurred. Something he had seen through the crack of the cupboard door. "Drop something on her." Harry suggested.

"Drop something?" Harri asked, seeming to like the idea. "Hurt her!" A piano fell from nowhere, crushing the spectral Dark Lady. The surroundings changed from the torch lit cavern to a sunny open meadow.

"You did it Harri." The raven haired wizard said quietly. "You've taken control."

The Dark Lady was suddenly back, "What did you do girl? How did you do that?" She vanished messily under an unexplained anvil that suddenly fell from the sky.

"I'm pretty sure going Acme on her like that is a copyright violation Harri." Harry said trying not to laugh.

"Thank you Harry." The young witch said as Riddle reappeared.

"You hurt me girl. You're going to pay for that. I'm going to destroy your mind!"

From nowhere a small motor scooter appeared, ridden by a black woman in a uniform. The woman dismounted from her vehicle and approached the confused Dark Lady.

"Candygram for Riddle." She said, presenting an ornate package to the Dark Lady before she turned away smartly and strode away with her fingers in her ears.

The explosion was thunderous.

Harry gaped. "When did you see Blazing Saddles? Was that Cleavon Little?"

"Clarisse Little, yes." She grinned. "Here I introduce the Candygram to the Witching world, but will I get credit for it?"

"You're a bad influence. Hanging out with you is going to get me a bad reputation, I just know it."

"Thank you Harry. Really, I mean it." She looked around. "How do we get out of here?"

"I don't know how I got in here," Harry admitted. "It's your mind. Maybe you just have to want to wake up."

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

_**~Discontinuity~**  
_

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

Harry opened his eyes to find himself staring into a mirror image of his own green eyes. Harri's?

"Please let go of my hair, and let me up Harry, this hurts."

"Sorry." Harry said releasing her from his grip.

"Welcome back."

The two Potters looked up to find Blanch Dumbledore smiling at them over her half moon glasses, her eyes twinkling. The fifth years moved apart only to be pulled to their feet by Orestes and Luna, and to find themselves crushed in embraces.

"Harri, don't you ever do that again." A sobbing Orestes Granger croaked out.

"Harry, I was so worried about you!" Luna agreed from deep inside the hug she was sharing with Harry.

"Yes quite." Blanch Dumbledore coughed "I must admit I was surprised to arrive to find you under a mental attack Miss Potter, and I was positively astounded to find that you had somehow joined her Mr. Potter, when I could not. Might I ask just how did you manage to do that?"

"I don't know Headmistress." Harry admitted. "She was thrashing about, but when I held her she quit struggling as much. When I touched her scar, Harri seemed somehow comforted. It took both arms to hold her down; going forehead to forehead was the only way I had to calm her."

The old woman nodded giving the air that his answer was what she had been expecting. Harry found himself wondering if pretending to always know what was going was a Dumbledore trait.

The elder Grangers replaced Luna in the hug. "It's ok to cry Harry, Emmett Granger said quietly. "No one will think less of you for expressing your emotions after such an experience."

"No, I'm fine, really." Harry assured his guardians. Sure, the experience had been frightening, but was there really a reason to cry? "How did you contact Professor Dumbledore so quickly, it was only a few minutes?"

"A few minutes Mr. Potter? The two of you were locked together for more than four hours." The elder Witch said, cleaning her half moon glasses on the sleeve of her robe. "Miss Lovegood contacted her mother, who in turn, contacted me. When I arrived, I joined the Grangers and Miss Lovegood in keeping watch over both of you after I assured them that there was nothing anyone could do." The witch conjured a pair of chairs for them to sit on. "Now then, I need to know what happened and how you managed to rouse yourselves from Riddle's mental attacks."

The dimensional twins shared a look. Harriet sighed and sat down with Harry following suit. The long night just got longer.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Following a late lunch the following day the four teens were waiting for Harri's escorts who were to return with her to the Burrow. Dumbledore had insisted, and after what they had been through the previous night, no one really minded all that much. The two couples spent the late morning just talking and trying not to annoy the adult Grangers with anything that might be interpreted as inappropriate displays of affection.

Orestes answered the door to the Granger back garden when a firm knocking was heard. The room became very quiet when Lokabrenna Black appeared in the doorway followed by a very embarrassed Billie Weasley.

"Round two?" Harry asked, his wand falling into his hand.

Black paled for a moment and presented both her hands palm up to show she wasn't armed. "Pax boy. Pax. I know you've no reason to trust me, but put yourself in my place, what would you have done?"

"Asked my questions the day a mysterious female Sirius Black showed up, not kidnap and torture her half a year later." Harry spat. "We still need to dance, you and I."

"Calm down Harry, we all know you've got the rocks to do it," his dimensional twin said quietly. "You've got some nerve Paddy," She said redirecting her attention to the animagus. "Even if all you suspected was true, why didn't you try to speak with me before you tried your interrogation? He's a Potter, the Goblins did their tests, the magic of the family trust accepts him, and Headmistress Dumbledore accepts him as my dimensional twin. What the hell did you and Rakasha think you were doing? And you Billie, I'm sure you must be so very proud."

Lokabrenna Black's face fell. The still bitter part of Harry's mind wondered if she was crestfallen out of shame for what she had done, or because she had been caught. "We thought we were defending you." She shot a bitter look in Harry's direction. "Did you have to tell him about all of our failings?"

The Girl Who Lived took on a puzzled expression. "What are you talking about Paddy?"

"Your 'twin' there threw every mistake that Rashaka and I have ever made with you in our face. I can understand talking about your life with him, but did you have to tell him everything?"

"Paddy, Harry and I have never discussed either of you beyond the fact that you exist." The raven haired witch smiled at her Godmother. "Anything Harry might have told you about yourself came from his having to deal with his own Padfoot and Moony. Even so, it's hardly my fault if the truth hurts."

The animagus' eye flicked to Harry. "You were serious? There's a male Lokabrenna Black out there somewhere?"

"Yes. Probably chasing his tail or giving himself a 'bath' which seemed to involved a whole lot of licking his…"

"Harry!" Orestes protested. "Language."

Harry reflected silently that being chastised for using bad language when you hadn't actually used said bad language was patently unfair.

At the door, Billie Weasley cleared her throat. "Look, I'm sorry about everything yesterday, I was trying to help the Headmaster keep you safe," she looked down, focusing on her feet. "What Tonks and I did… tried to do was wrong. It won't happen again. Professor Dumbledore is setting up a new ward at the Burrow, and she needs you there to fine tune the focus Harri."

"New wards?" Harriet asked.

"Something the Professor came up with to protect you against another mental intrusion." Lokabrenna answered. "Get your things Pup. Ms. Lovegood, if you'd like to come along?"

"I suppose I should." Luna sighed. "Mum needs me around this time of year. The Christmas Fairies and the Hanukkah Pixies can cause such a fuss when they get into their turf wars… And there are rumors that the evil Minilop is going to attempt another hostile takeover of Christmas…" The Publisher's daughter trailed off when she realized that everyone in the room was staring at her, except Harry who was working very hard at not smile. "What?"

The four teens scurried away to gather the overnight things and purchases of the departing pair. Once upstairs, Harriet pulled Orestes into his room and Luna did the same with Harry.

Once the door closed behind her, Luna pushed Harry against the wall and kissed him as hard as she could. After a brief moment of surprise, Harry kissed her back, giving as good as he got.

"You know Luna," Harry said once they broke the kiss. "I'm not one of those silly little sissy boys; you don't have to work so hard at getting me alone."

"Allow me my fantasies Harry," the blonde grinned. "After all, no one else knows how easy you are… Besides, this has to last you until Boxing Day."

Harry grinned himself and theatrically fanned himself with his right hand while speaking in a falsetto voice, "Oh, Mizz Luna, I do declare, you are giving me the vapors."

Luna had no idea what that was supposed to mean, and decided that it stemmed from one of those unknowable cultural differences between them. She kissed the strange boy again, and then gathered her things for the trip home.

"I really love it when Loony comes to visit, but I wish you would warn me, I almost bit my tongue off trying not to laugh."

She stood up from her packing, her eyes wide and innocent. "Who said that was Loony?"

The pair exited the room to be met by a smiling Harriet Potter and a disheveled Orestes Granger, together the quartet trooped downstairs.

"That took long enough." Lokabrenna Black said with a single raised eyebrow.

"One must be thorough." Luna posited.

"Well, yes." Billie said, pulling a length of braided rope from an inner pocket of her robes. "This portkey is timed, and we've got about two minutes before it activates." She handed the length around to those returning to the Burrow. "Loki… I have no idea who will be there…"

"Oh, right." Lokabrenna's face took on a look of concentration and she changed. The dog animagus took hold of the rope in her mouth.

Harry stared open mouthed at the changed Head of House Black, and began to snicker. The snickering grew to full blown laughter as the dimensional traveler fell to his knees making no attempt to hold his mirth in.

The others in the room looked at each other in an attempt to figure out what Harry was laughing at, as the boy pointed at that transformed Lokabrenna Black.

"What is it Harry?" Luna asked.

"Poodle." Harry gasped out between his bouts of uncontrollable laughter. "She's a fru-fru poodle."

The others looked to Lokabrenna, who was indeed a Standard Poodle while transformed, groomed in the standard Continental clip, with a blood red ribbon bow over her left ear. Perplexed by the boy's laughter, she bared her teeth as much as she could while maintaining a grip on the rope, and growled.

Harry completely lost it, and was rolling on the floor in his laughter when the portkey activated whisking the travelers away, leaving him in the confused company of his friend Orestes.

"Should I take from your reaction that your Godfather isn't a dog animagus?"

"Oh he is." Harry said, still chuckling. "But he's a bloody great Grim, not a fru-fru poodle."

"That's the second time you used that term. 'fru-fru'. What does it mean?"

"You know, sissified. Girly." Seeing Orestes' confused look, Harry realized what he was saying. "Masculine I guess then. Boyish."

"But Harry, poodles are guard dogs. Vicious scary things."

"Really?" Harry puzzled that from his place on the floor. So much about this world was the same as his, but so much was different. "Well, if poodles are guard dogs, What about Rottweiler's?"

"What about them? They're just lap dogs. No one takes a Rottweiler seriously."

That thought had Harry laughing again.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Christmas at the Grangers was like nothing Harry had ever experienced before. Rather than waking at his normal seven am, and waiting patiently for the rest of the family to wake, Harry was surprised when Orestes had come into his room at six forty five.

"Come on Harry, presents!" the bushy haired wizard said in an excited manner Harry had ever seen the wizard exhibit. It reminded him of Hermione when she stayed at Hogwarts over Christmas of second year. Harry was always amused when Orestes mirrored Hermione's behavior so closely.

The family gathered in the sitting room, with Orestes excitedly gathering the gifts and placing them in front of the proper recipient.

"Don't open anything until everyone's ready Harry," Orestes said as he dropped several packages in front of Harry

"Quite a haul," Harry noted, looking over the collection of colorfully wrapped packages.

"Ok? Everyone ready?" Orestes asked.

Harry waited patiently wanting to learn to traditions of the Granger family.

"Go!" the three Grangers shouted before they tore into the wrapping with vigor.

Harry stared opened mouth at the flying wrapping paper as his adopted family tore into their assembled gifts. A grin twitched at the corners of his mouth, this was how he had always pictured Christmas at the Weasleys. Who knew that the button down Grangers would be the ones to go wild over Christmas presents?

"You're falling behind Harry," Emmit said from his place across the sitting room. "I guess Orestes didn't tell you, last one done has to clean up all the wrapping paper."

"Oh," Orestes chimed in, a wide grin on his face. "Did I forget to mention that?"

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The Knights bus came to a sudden stop in front of the Burrow.

"Come on in Harry, you can say hello to Harri and Ronnie and the rest of the Weasleys." Orestes said pulling him from the bus.

"I thought the idea was for you and Harri to get a little alone time." Harry said laughing at his friend. "Are you just using me to distract Ronnie and the Twins?"

"And Arthur." The bushy haired wizard agreed. "Arthur and I used to be friends, but since Harri and I started going out he seems to hate me."

"Do you think he's interested in Harri?"

"Lord, I don't know. Maybe." Orestes shrugged. "He had a thing for Harri during his first two years, but claimed to have gotten over her last year."

"Orestes! Harry!" Monty Weasley effused as he opened the door and swept the pair into a hug before Orestes could knock. Welcome back to the Burrow. Come in, come in, we weren't expecting you Harry, are you staying for dinner?"

"Thank you Mr. Weasley, but no," Harry said trying to extricate himself from the hug. The concept of a male Molly Weasley freaked him quite thoroughly out. "I've been invited to the Lovegoods for dinner."

"Oh, well say hello to everyone, and I'll have Arthur show you where the Lovegoods live."

"Dad!" Arthur protested from where he was assisting with dinner preparation. "I don't want to go all the way out to the Lovegoods."

"Arthur, don't sass me. We help people in this family."

"Dad!"

"I've got directions to the Lovegoods from here Mr. Weasley, I don't really need .."

"No Harry, Arthur hasn't been doing much more than moping around the house since he got back from Hogwarts. A little fresh air and sunshine will do him a world of good." The redheaded house husband turned to his only son. "Arthur, you escort your sisters friend to the Lovegoods, and while you're gone, you think about your attitude young man."

There was obviously no getting out of having an escort without sparking even more family drama. Harry stuck his head out into the sitting room to find Orestes and Harri only having eyes for each other, while Ronnie Weasley was sitting in her favorite grinning at her two friends. A short wave of sympathy to Ronnie, and Harry returned to the kitchen.

"I guess I'm ready, but I don't really need a guide Mr. Weasley."

"Nonsense!" Monty said, guiding a roast chicken from its pan to a serving platter, the meat falling from the bone with an additional wave of the older Wizard's wand. "A little exercise will do Arthur a world of good."

"Let's go," Arthur grunted as he headed out the door, bundled against the cold.

Harry joined the sullen teen, walking beside him as they made their way down the well trod path to the paved lane that lead to the village of Ottery St. Catchpole.

After five minutes of silence, Harry decided to try and clear the air. "So, is it me that you've got a problem with or just life in general?"

The redhead glared at him. "You."

"Ah. Well that clears up that mystery. What did I do?"

"You showed up here."

"I've only been to your home once before, for Harri's birthday. I don't think we've exchanged five words since we met."

"Not here as in here at the Burrow," Arthur sniffed. "Here as in being present in this reality. You got here, you and Harri spent a few days in the Hospital wing, and then Harri is dating Orestes."

"Wait," Harry said, somewhat bemused by what he had been told. "All this attitude thing of yours is due to you being angry because Harri is dating Orestes?"

"Hmff." The Redhead huffed.

"Oh, bloody hell. Arthur, you've got to grow the hell up."

"What are you talking about?" the first male Weasley in seven generations hissed.

"You're the annoying kid brother of Harri's best friend, who was crushing so hard on The Girl Who Lived that you could hardly speak to her for the first three years you knew her. Did you really think you had a snowball's chance of becoming Harri's first serious relationship?"

"If it weren't for Orestes, this is the year Harri was going to notice me." Arthur protested.

"Sure she was," Harry agreed sarcastically. "And to make sure she noticed you over the last three and a half months, you've had very public relationships with two Ravenclaws, a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor. Subtle Arthur, very subtle."

"She was supposed to get jealous."

"Jealous? Why? Arthur, you need to think your plan through. Once you do, ask yourself what possible reason Harri would ever have to be jealous of your relationships," Harry paused, taking in the look of anger on Arthur's face. "Look, Harri is fifteen, Orestes is sixteen. Who knows how long their relationship will last? I certainly don't."

"So, you think I might have a chance?" it was all Harry could do not to laugh at the hope in Arthur's voice.

"That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is the likelihood of a pair of teenager's very first relationship being the one that lasts a lifetime is very small, and that at some point in the future Harri might be looking for another relationship. If and when that day comes, do you really think she's going to be interested in a moping Arthur Weasley? In an angry Arthur Weasley?"

"So, I should hide what I'm feeling?"

"Arthur, you can feel anything you want to feel. Part of being an adult is to feel what you feel, but not allow your feelings to interfere with how you deal with other people If you keep this up, no one will want to have much of anything to do with you. If you want to be angry, then by all means be angry, but direct that anger to someone who isn't innocent in the problem. Orestes didn't do anything to you, and in no way do you have first claim on Harri's affections."

"But…"

"No buts," Harry interrupted. "If you want to be taken seriously, grow up and quit blaming other people for your problems. Quit giving your dad a hard time. Harri's living with you now, and she sees all this. I guarantee that she doesn't like it."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The discussion carried on between the pair until they reached an iron gate with an ornate letter 'L' set in the center. Harry looked beyond the gate, at the winding path that led up a tall hill, perched atop the hill was a great black cylinder that looked like a giant rook chesspiece.

"This is the place. 'Lovegood-Land' Luna's mum calls it. Just stay on the path and you can't miss it."

Harry nodded. "Thanks Arthur," he started for the gate.

"Harry?"

"Yeah mate?"

"Where you came from… Was there someone like me? Did she have a chance with you?"

"Yeah, Ginny Weasley, the first female Weasley in seven generations. She was smart and cute, but basically to me she was Ron's giggly little sister."

"So, no chance you would have had a relationship with her?"

"No, not really." Harry shrugged. "But I was only fourteen and she was thirteen. Last year I was mainly focused on not ending up dead with Dragons, merpeople, Acromantulas, skrewts, sphinxes and the like involved in the tasks. If this year has taught me nothing else, I know that there's at least a possibility that somewhere out there, there is the possibility that a version of Ginny and a version of me will someday join together in a boringly normal marriage, raise a bunch of kids with very odd names and once a year we will see all of our old friends at Platform 9 ¾ when we send the kids off to school."

Arthur grinned. "You make it sound so mundane."

Harry shrugged again. "Isn't that what life is? The mundane times, when you don't have to worry that someone might try to kill you, aren't those the best of times?"

Arthur laughed at that, and slapped Harry on the back. "I'd best be getting back. Good luck with Luna Harry. Will you be coming back to the Burrow to get Orestes?"

Harry pulled the gate open. "Yeah. Around seven."

"See you then. Maybe we can talk about my attitude some more," and the redhead turned to make his way back home.

Harry pulled the gate closed behind him, and started up the path to Luna's home. The property was very… Luna. The path, rather than lead directly to the house, spiraled around the hill upon which the house sat, making four complete revolutions before delivering him to the front door.

Harry stood in front of the huge oaken door for a moment, steeling himself for meeting Luna's mother, silently laughing at himself for being so nervous at the prospect. He started to knock, but spotted the old fashioned pull cord for the door bell. Grasping the cord, he gave it a soft pull, and again smiled as he heard a four tone bell chime alert the inhabitants of the house of his presence on their front step.

And the door exploded outward.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work. Damn it.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

**Rescues**

Harry pulled the gate closed behind him, and started up the path to Luna's home. The property was very… Luna. The path, rather than lead directly to the house, spiraled around the hill upon which the house sat, making four complete revolutions through the… oddest garden Harry had ever seen before delivering him to the front door. Somehow it seemed completely… Luna that there were flowering plants growing among vegetables in what appeared to be an ornamental garden.

Harry stood in front of the huge oaken door for a moment, steeling himself for meeting Luna's mother, silently laughing at himself for being so nervous at the prospect. He started to knock, but spotted the old fashioned pull cord for the door bell. Grasping the cord, he gave it a soft pull, and again smiled as he heard a four tone bell chime alert the inhabitants of the house of his presence on their front step.

And the door exploded outward.

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

The cord slipped from his hand as the smile fled his face. That little voice that seemed to know that danger was about started screaming '_**MOVE**_' in his mind and Harry dove to the ground.

It was too late; the explosion that shattered the oaken door to splinters drove the pieces at him with the force of a shotgun. The entire left side of his body was riddled with splinters, his left shoulder shattered and he lost all vision in his left eye. Pain consumed his universe.

"Well, well, well," a man's voice cut through the fog of pain. "I do believe we've caught ourselves an ickle Potter." Two pair of hands took hold of Harry's robes and he was lifted from the ground. "Bring her inside," the unknown man said.

_**You have to be able to fight through the pain! You have to be able to function through injury!**_

Harry was startled when the Riddle of the Room's voice echoed in his head.

"Harry!" Luna's voice called out to him.

"Oh don't worry about your ickle Half Blood girlfriend." The Man's said. "The Dark Lady will be very happy to see her, and will reward me greatly for bringing ickle Harriet to her."

_Her?_ Harry outrage crystallized his focus to pierce the haze of pain. _Do I look like a girl?_ Shaking his mind clear of that thought, Harry opened his uninjured eye in time to see a dark haired man backhand Luna for something Luna had said.

Anger burned through the pain and fear. Harry evaluated the situation. Two Death Eaters, women he was sure, were holding his arms keeping him upright. The one on his left side was taking a certain amount of pleasure in manipulating his damaged shoulder.

After what Riddle had done to him in the Room of Requirements, that was a minor annoyance. A third masked Death Eater held the kneeling Lovegoods under his wand. Her wand? It didn't matter. The Man who did the speaking wasn't masked or hooded. His face gaunt, almost skull-like with his heavily lidded sunken eyes. His hair was black and hung down his back.

Harry was annoyed that he had no idea who this man was. Did he have an analog back home? If so, Harry hadn't met her (or him.)

"Awake are you?" The man laughed as he spotted Harry watching him. "Nothing to say? Is ickle Harriet worried about her ickle friends?"

Harry made no attempt to answer, which seemed to infuriate the man. While wondering why this idiot thought he was Harri and why the loon was speaking in baby talk, Harry found that the Death Eaters had left his wand in its holster.

They hadn't even searched him? Were these people idiots?

The man approached with a dangerous look in his eye. "Ignoring me girl?"

These people _were_ idiots. Marshalling his strength, Harry flexed his forearm, causing his wand to drop into his hand. Harry then allowed the Death Eaters to keep supporting his weight, swung his right foot up as hard as he could, burying the toe of his boot deep into the crotch of the male Death Eater.

The man's eyes bugged out and he dropped like a sack of potatoes, his wand spinning away from him when his body convulsed.. With a minute slash of his wand, Harry cast his strongest cutter into the leg of the Death Eater holding his right arm, severing the woman's leg above the knee. The woman fell to the floor screaming. Harry spun free of the other Death Eater as the villain across the room shifted her wand from the Lovegoods to Harry hitting her compatriot with the piercing curse she had aimed at Harry.

Seeing what she had done, the Death Eater near the Lovegoods grasped the chain about her neck and pulled, when the chain parted, the portkey activated and the woman disappeared.

Harry was drawing on the last of his energy, barely staying on his feet. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the male Death Eater had recovered enough to grab at his own chain. Harry slashed his wand at the man as the chain parted. Harry's cutter severed the man's hand at the wrist; the hand fell to the floor before disappearing with the portkey it still held, leaving the screaming bleeding man on the floor.

His strength gone, Harry pitched forward, face first onto the floor of the Lovegood's great room.

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

Riddle was holding court before her assembled Death Eaters, trying to hide the extent of the injuries she had received when that damned Potter Girl had somehow broken Riddle's carefully crafted mental trap and somehow escaped to her own dreamscape.

She had just reached the point where she was going to taunt the Malfoys with threats of what would happen if Lucille's ploy to 'adopt' the Girl Who Lived failed, when the ward that signaled an incoming portkey chimed.

Immediately the assembled Death Eaters were on guard ready to defend their Lady from attack, and a cloaked figure appeared, a standard emergency portkey chain still clutched in her hand.

Sensing the figures Dark Mark and instantly knowing the identity of the cloaked figure, Riddle felt her anger grow. There was a single team deployed today, Orion Lestrange's attack on the publisher of that ridiculous scandal rag 'The Quibbler', for a single member of that team to return and by emergency portkey at that signaled that something had gone horribly wrong.

"Speak to me, Maeve Flint. Where are the rest of my servants? What has happened that you would appear before me alone?"

"We went to the publisher of The Quibbler and expressed your dissatisfaction with her reporting as you directed My Lady," the recent Hogwarts graduate said after throwing herself to the floor at Riddle's feet.

The ward chimed again and a severed hand appeared clutching a portkey chain.

"Crucio!" Riddle spat, holding the curse of her minion for a full ten count. "I didn't ask if you did what I told you to do Flint," she said as she released the pain curse. "I asked you what happened to my servants."

Flint fought to regain control of her body, "The door bell rang while we were torturing Xena Lovegood. We reductoed the door when the bell rang and Harriet Potter was caught in the explosion."

"Harriet Potter? Are you sure?" Riddle asked.

"I attended Hogwarts with her and played Quidditch against her. Her face was a bloody mess after the door exploded in it, but the curse scar you gave her was there clear as day. I'd know it anywhere."

"What happened Flint?" Riddle purred dangerously.

"The Gentleman Lestrange had Yaxley and Avery bring the girl into the house. Her whole left side was a bloody mess, we thought she was finished. The Gentleman Lestrange was gloating to the girl about how you would reward him when he presented you with the girl, and she… she…"

"What did she do Flint?"

"The Potter girl attacked the Gentleman Lestrange like a Muggle, and then she severed Avery's leg with a wandless cutter and killed Yaxley with a piercing spell. She was turning toward me, and given that she had defeated Orion Lestrange, I knew I had no chance against her, so I returned here to report to you."

"My lady," Narcissus Malfoy interjected in a tone of mourning, "This is my brother's hand. I recognize the scar he received when dueling with our cousin Lokabrenna as children…"

The assembled Death Eaters held their breath in expectation of the explosion. They were not disappointed.

The reborn witch's voice lowered the temperature of the room. "Are you asking me to believe that three fully trained witches and the most feared Wizard in the world could not stand up to a half trained child?"

"My Lady!" Flint whimpered as the horror of what was about to happen dawned on her."

"A girl who was so injured so as to be… what did you call her? A bloody mess? Then you appear here, whole and sound a full twenty seconds before the severed hand of one of my closest advisors? You abandoned Orion Lestrange while he was still alive?"

"But My Lady! It was Harriet Potter! She destroyed Orion Lestrange without using magic…She… She defeated YOU…"

"Avada Kedavra!"

It spoke volumes as to the standard management procedures of the Death Eaters when no one even flinched when Flint's lifeless body slumped to the floor.

"Silvia!" Riddle called.

Silvia Snape stepped forward. "My Lady?"

Return to Dumbledore. I need to know the status of the girl, and what she did to so easily defeat Orion Lestrange."

Snape nodded once. "At once." The Potions Mistress swept from the room with her trademark billowing robes.

"MacNair, go to your contacts in the Ministry. I want to know the status of Orion Lestrange."

"Of course my Lady." The executioner for the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures immediately exited the chamber.

"Lucille, begin your planning. I want to send a message to the light loving fools. Four of mine fell today. We will visit our vengeance against the so called innocents one hundred fold!"

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

Almanzo Bones entered the Lovegood home not knowing quite what to expect. When word reached his offices that the Lovegoods had been attacked by Death Eaters on Boxing Day, he fully expected to have to preside over yet another atrocity.

He certainly didn't expect to find both the Xena and young Luna standing, seemingly untouched in the middle of his crime scene.

"Luna, I'm not telling you again," Xena was saying. "Leave the man alone until the Aurors are finished."

"Mum!" the teen protested. "He's bled all over the rug. That was Dad's favorite rug, I don't care if he freezes to death outside, I want him off Dad's rug."

"You'll be able to clean up in a moment Miss Lovegood." Almanzo said. "I'm Almanzo Bones, Director of Magical Law Enforcement. What happened here?"

"We've already told the Aurors that were first here." Xena Lovegood responded.

"You did, but people died, even if they are Death Eaters, you're going to be explaining what happened several times to several different people"

"We were getting ready for dinner," Luna explained. "Then this person," she kicked at the unconscious man, "and three women wearing Death Eater cloaks apparated into our Great room."

"From what he said, the Dark Lady was upset about some of my articles in the Quibbler," Xena Lovegood explained.

Luna nodded in agreement. "This man was using the Cruciatus Curse on Mum, while the three others forced me to watch. Then the bell rang. All three of the women shot blasting curses at the door. The door was blown to bits and the man and two of the women, that one," Luna pointed to the woman with the severed leg who had bled out, "and that one," she pointed to the woman with the hole neatly drilled through the forehead of her mask, "went out with the remaining one watching Mum and me. They came in with Harry Potter. He was all bloody and mangled from the door. The man thought that he was Harriet Potter, I don't know why, I mean they don't look that much alike and Harry is a much better kisser, at least Orestes never looks as distracted as I get when we…"

"Yes Miss Lovegood, I'm sure that Mr. Potter is quite the kisser," Bones said, marveling that the young woman could still think of such things when she had witnessed the torture of her mother and the violent death of two women. "You were telling me what happened?"

"Well… yes. The man thought that Harry was Harriet. I told him to let Harry go because he wasn't part of the Dark Lady's complaint against the Quibbler and the man hit me, before starting to shout at Harry. Despite being injured like he was, all that blood there is his," she said pointing to a puddle of drying blood, "Harry kicked the man in the crotch when he got too close. Then Harry suddenly had his wand and he cut off that one's leg off. The one guarding us tried to attack Harry and killed that one. When she saw what she had done and Harry was standing over there looking like something out of a nightmare, she pulled a chain from her neck. It must have been a portkey because she disappeared. Then the man tried to do the same thing, but Harry saw him do it and cast a cutter at him that took off his hand at the wrist. The hand was still holding the portkey because it disappeared, leaving him," she kicked at the man again, "bleeding all over my father's favorite rug. Then Harry collapsed."

"That was when I flooed for the Aurors," The elder Lovegood said. "The first Auror to arrive took one look and called for medical backup. The mediwitch did an emergency cauterization on the man's wrist stump and then evacuated Mr. Potter to St. Enoch's."

"Not surprising really, given who he is." Bones said indicating the unconscious man.

"Who is he?" Luna asked.

"That is Orion Lestrange, possibly the most dangerous of all the Death Eaters, second only to the Dark Lady herself. The Dark Lady broke him and the rest of her imprisoned Death Eaters out of Azkaban two months ago. That man is responsible for the deaths of twenty Aurors." Almanzo said quietly. "Thank you for your help. I'll arrange for you to be escorted to Auror headquarters for your official interviews."

"When can I see Harry?"

"I don't know. He has a security detail for as long as he's in St. Enoch's, I'm sure that as soon as he can have visitors he will be happy to see you."

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

Orestes Granger rushed into the entry way of his home.

"Orestes?" Emmit Granger asked. "You're back early, where's Harry?"

"Dad," the bushy haired teen gasped out. "Harry's been hurt. He's at St. Enoch's and no one knows if he's going to make it."

"What?" Danielle interjected. "What happened?"

"I don't know," the clearly flustered teen said. "Harry went to Luna's and not an hour later the Luna's mother is at the Weasley's door telling us that Harry had been badly hurt in a Death Eater attack." Orestes put forth a visible effort to calm down. "Mrs. Weasley apparated me home, but she had never been here and I didn't know the coordinates for the house. We ended up in the park and I ran here as fast as I could."

A knock on the open door directed everyone's attention to Ginevra Weasley who was now standing in the door frame.

"Danielle, Emmit, good to see both of you again. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"Ginevra, what's going on?" Danielle demanded.

The red head shook his head. "I wish I knew. From what I could get out of Xena Lovegood, she and her daughter Luna were attacked by four Death Eaters and Harry wandered into the middle of it. Harry was badly hurt, but somehow defeated the four Death Eaters, including the man who is perhaps the most dangerous Wizard alive, Orion Lestrange."

The two adult Grangers were silent for a moment as they digested that news.

"Why," Emmit asked the room, "do these things keep happening to a nice boy like Harry?"

"I wish I knew," the head of House Weasley answered. "I thought that it was difficult raising my girls… At any rate, as well as bringing Orestes home, I am here to offer my assistance in getting you to St. Enoch's.

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

The Grangers arrived at Harry's room in the Trauma ward of St. Enoch's only to be confronted by two large imposing Aurors who forbid admission to the room. Orestes and his parents were ushered into a waiting area while Ginevra Weasley went to find out when they might get in to see Harry.

The trio had been alone in the waiting area for five minutes when Blanch Dumbledore entered the room.

"Headmistress!" Orestes cried when she saw the aged witch come into the room. "Have you heard anything about Harry?"

Dumbledore seemed startled to find the Grangers in the waiting area. "No Mr. Granger, I don't know her condition as the Aurors are forbidding entry to anyone but Healers and Hospital personnel. I must confess to be surprised, not by your presence, but by the fact that you arrived before I did."

"Her?" Orestes asked, confused by the Headmistress' words, until realization of what the elder Witch was trying to say came to him. "Oh, no Headmistress. It wasn't Harriet that got hurt, it was Harry."

"The boy?" the woman appeared flabbergasted. "But I was told that… That would mean that…"

"The message must have gotten garbled Headmistress." Orestes suggested.

"Indeed," Almanzo Bones said from the doorway, Ginevra Weasley at his side. "The garbled message is especially particular given that I've put as airtight a lid on this case as I possibly could. Since Xena Lovegood only told the Weasleys and correctly informed them that it was the male Potter who had hurt in the attack, I find myself wondering how it is the information that you got reflects the mistake the Death Eaters made identifying the boy."

"I have my own sources of information concerning my students Almanzo," Dumbledore suggested. "I simply misunderstood what I was being told."

"Still, I think it might be a good idea if we were to have a discussion about your sources of information Headmistress."

Danielle Granger cleared her throat. "If you two are quite finished posturing, could someone tell us what is happening with our son?"

"I believe I can do that," an older wizard said from the doorway where he pushed past the Director of the DMLE while wiping his hand on a towel. "You are the Grangers, yes? I'm Healer Sorenson, and I worked on your young man. The good news is I've managed to save his left eye, though we won't know until he wakes up if he's experienced any vision loss. He suffered three cracked ribs, and his entire left shoulder has been destroyed. We've vanished the effected bones and will be starting him on a skelgrow regimen to regrow the shoulder as soon as his ocular region is stable, and his blood has been sufficiently regenerated."

"So, he's going to be alright?" Emmit Granger asked.

"As long as he refrains from whatever he was doing when he got hurt, he should be fine. So," the man said sitting down on one of the available chairs. "What was he doing? There's an insane rumor he was hurt fighting Death Eaters."

The silence in the room spoke volumes.

**---===ooo000ooo===---  
**

Harry opened his eyes. White ceiling, curtains around the bed, the scent of antiseptic charms. Wonderful. In the hospital again.

Memories of what happened flooded back. Harry's right hand went to the left side of his face, relieved that he could see, and the skin felt smooth… Had he survived relatively unscathed again?

"Ah, Mr. Potter… Finally awake are you?"

"Healer Pomfrey?" Harry asked, unable to focus on the figure now standing next to his bed.

"Yes Mr. Potter. You're back at Hogwarts. The Headmistress arranged your transfer to the school in order to reduce the possibility of someone looking to take revenge on you at St. Enoch's. You've healed nicely; Healer Sorenson does some very nice work indeed. He saved your eye and rebuilt your shoulder. You managed to maintain the healing coma throughout your Skelgrow regimen and are quite likely to regain full motion in your shoulder if you follow the therapy regime she set out for you."

"How are Luna and her mother?"

"The Lovegoods are fine Mr. Potter. Ms. Lovegood was a near constant visitor while you were at St. Enoch's. You were there for four days, and only brought her yesterday." The blurred form of the Hogwarts Healer made some motions over Harry's body that Harry assumed to be some sort of diagnostic charm. "Yes, you are healing nicely Mr. Potter. I'm off to my office to notify the Headmistress that you are awake."

And Harry was alone in the ward. He groped at the table beside the bed to find his glasses. Once they were on his face, the room swam into focus, just in time to see his twin enter the room.

"Harry! You're awake."

"Nothing gets past you." Harry grinned. "Why are you here?"

"Ah, well see, one of the Death Eaters you interrupted at the Lovegood's returned to the Dark Lady and told her that it was me who wandered into their torture session," She grinned, "The Headmistress immediately decided that this would be a good bit of disinformation to mess with the Death Eaters mostly because it promotes my legend a bit, and keeps you in reserve as a fairly unknown commodity. It took a while but she talked Director Bones of the DMLE to go along with it."

Harry nodded. "So, you're in the hospital and I'm…"

"Slumming somewhere in the Muggle world. It's been suggested that my being so dangerous will derail whatever attempts the Malfoy's are making toward becoming my guardians."

"Glad to be of service," Harry moved to fluff his pillow. "Ow!"

"Yeah, you mangled your shoulder pretty good," Harriet rubbed her own left shoulder. "I can sympathize. Tommi worked me over pretty well this morning. On the plus side, she tells me I'm within a whisper of your level. We can start training together as soon as you're mobile."

"Good," Harry breathed. "I'm so tired of this stuff. I'd so like to go on a date and not have someone try to kidnap or murder me or whoever is with me."

"Tommi suggested we start against your Riddle, and work our way up to mine. She says he's more violent and unpredictable, while she is more focused and deliberate."

"Really?" Harry asked. "I had no idea that they were different."

"Neither did I, but she says they are. I guess neither of us paid much attention to the other's opponent. Anyway, we start with yours, move on to mine, and then, if and when we get to the point we are consistently winning against her, both of them together."

"You actually speak with your Riddle? Mine is all nastiness and insults."

"It was weird at first; I mean this is an image of the monster that killed Dad and Mum," Harriet said. "But yeah, we talk a bit. She projects we'll be ready by the end of May."

"Good. I'm tired of this."

"You just woke up Mr. Potter…" Blanch Dumbledore said as she entered the room. "How could you possibly be tired?"

"I meant I'm tired of my dates turning out badly due to someone or other attacking me Ma'am."

"Ah… yes," the ancient witch seemed to reflect on that comment for a moment. "I take it Ms. Potter has told you of the plan to deflect attention from you by fostering the misconception that the Dark Lady Riddle has about precisely who defeated her team of Death Eaters sent to the Lovegood home?"

"Yes Headmistress. Will I be able to see Orestes and his parents before the new term begins?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Yes Mr. Potter. Assuming that Healer Pomfrey agrees, you will be quietly returned to your new home two days prior to the Express returning to Hogwarts. For obvious reasons, Ms. Potter will not be joining you on the train."

"To keep up the image that she was the one injured," Harry replied.

"Precisely."

"So what happened to the Death Eaters that Harry fought?" Harriet asked.

"The two women who were holding Mr. Potter were both killed. One from the severed leg that resulted from Mr. Potter's surprisingly powerful cutting curse, and the other from a piercing spell that seemed to have come from the Death Eater that escaped."

"She tried to kill me and I moved," Harry shrugged, before wincing at the pain that motion caused his damaged shoulder.

"Yes," Dumbledore nodded. "Orion Lestrange led the attack, and after Mr. Potter disabled him in such an… unusual way…"

"Unusual?" Harriet asked.

"I kicked him in the 'nards," Harry supplied.

"'Nards?" Harriet asked while both she and the Headmistress blinked at him in confusion.

"No," Harry shook his head. "Your line is 'Death Eaters got Nards?"

"What?" His twin was even more confused.

"Never mind," Harry said. "A bad joke based on a bad movie reference. I kicked him between the legs, as hard as I could."

"That sounds like it would hurt." Harriet observed.

"It focuses the mind quite effectively." Harry agreed. "I only did it because he was baby talking at me and he made me mad. I don't know if I'd have tried it with a woman. I don't even know if it would disable a woman as effectively as it does a man."

"Oh, it would disable a woman," his twin assured him.

"Yes, quite," the Headmistress coughed slightly. "After Mr. Potter focused Orion Lestrange's mind, as it were, the man attempted to escape. According to Ms. Lovegood, he attempted to use his emergency portkey and with the last of his strength, Mr. Potter cast a cutter that severed the hand holding the portkey before it could activate. This left a badly beaten Orion Lestrange bleeding heavily and unconscious on the floor of the Lovegood's Great Room. The Lovegoods summoned the Aurors who did their duty. Orion Lestrange was questioned under Verasitum and given the Kiss, that being the fate of all of the escaped Death Eaters who are recaptured."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

Three days after the students returned to Hogwarts, Harry entered the Room of Requirements to find his Riddle of the Room and Mad Eye Moody waiting for him.

This couldn't possibly be good.

"It took you long enough to report to me to continue your training Potter. Was it because once again you allow yourself to become a target?" The shade Tom Riddle spat at his student.

"I agree with the monster." Moody said quietly from where she sat. "You weren't exactly practicing Constant Vigilance Lad."

"I know." Harry said, fighting against revealing any emotions to the pair. "I forgot about the war for a few hours and it rose up and bit me on the ass."

Moody nodded from her seat. The boy learned. Insane power and a willingness to learn. Hopefully that was an unbeatable combination.

"Are you ready boy?" Riddle asked raising his wand.

"No," Harry answered. "I've got a question or two before we begin."

"I've never been one to answer questions Potter."

"You were created to help me Riddle," Harry fixed the shade of Voldemort with a glare. "If I need to ask question, you'll bloody well answer them, or I'll get the room to make me a Riddle who will."

Riddle seemed to hesitated for a moment, then growled "Ask your questions Potter."

"Can Harri win?"

"That's your question Potter?" Riddle was aghast. "You want to know if the girl can win? What about you? Aren't you the least bit concerned about your own life?"

Harry shrugged. "This is Harri's world and Harri's fight. I suspect that I could leave the country and the Dark Lady would never come looking for me, an advantage Harri doesn't have. The Death Eaters keep attacking me, but even then half the time it seems they think they're fighting Harri."

Harry noticed Moody nodding at that and continued. "Harri tells me that her version of you has told her that she is almost at the level you've gotten me to, and that soon the two of us will be working together against you, until such time as you think we're ready to move onto the female Riddle. So I need to know, are we wasting our time? Can Harri win?"

The Riddle of the Room seemed to hesitate, "She can. She has obtained an equivalency of the level you have been operating at. Given this level of skill, she would likely survive any one on one altercation with the Dark Lady."

"Survive, but not win?" Harry asked.

"A fair fight isn't what either of you is going to find," Moody said from her chair. Riddle will be bringing her Death Eaters along to any fight, and your sister will be bringing you and every wand I can find."

"My counterpart has more than half a century of experience on the pair of you," Riddle said. "That being said, she has rarely had to exert herself for any extended period of time, and as far as anyone can tell, not at all since her rebirth. When I started to train you to take her down, I knew that I could never get you to the point where your experience would match hers, but I could give you stamina. You and I have had exchanges that lasted more than an hour in real time; there are no records available to me that show her fighting for more than a few minutes. Once you and your dimensional twin are used to fighting together, she won't have a chance against the pair of you, assuming that Moody and his people can keep her Death Eaters off your backs."

This extended period of civility seemed to have grated on the Riddle of the Room. With a horrible grin, he once again raised his wand. "No more stalling Potter. Now we fight."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The universe swam back into focus and the pain faded. Mad-Eye Moody's scarred face filled Harry's field of vision.

"Ahh!" Harry yelped in surprise.

"What's wrong?" with surprising agility, Moody sprang away from Harry's prone form and was instantly on guard with her wand out.

"Damn it Mad-Eye! You are one ugly woman to wake up to."

"Twenty years ago I'd have taught you a few things pup!" Something approximating a grin crossed the woman's lips. "You lasted an hour and seven minutes against the shade lad."

"He still tagged me." Harry grumbled as he picked himself up off the floor.

"More than an hour against an opponent who doesn't get tired and never loses focus? Boy, you have no idea what you've achieved. If your sister is as ready as you are, there's no way the pair of you will lose. Riddle is a dead woman; she just doesn't know it yet."

**---===ooo000ooo===---**

The lights of the Quidditch stadium filled the sky as the Death Eaters approached. Lucille Malfoy had done her homework on this one; she deftly directed each of seven warders to the seven exits from the massive structure. Four more warders lay down a fire suppression ward in a ring around the stadium.

All of this took more than an hour. A cheer went up from the stadium. A brilliant play by the visitors most likely, Malfoy reflected, still a bit bitter for her enthusiastic, though foolish, support of the home team in her teen years. Malfoy's bitterness was one of the reasons this venue was chosen.

The Warders were allowed a short rest before the set about erecting a broom suppression ward over the stadium. The fliers inside could fly to their hearts content, and wouldn't become aware of the ward until the trap was sprung and they attempted to escape.

Finally the warders were done. Locking wards on each of the exits, backed up with death wards just incase anyone managed to bring the first wards down. Fire suppression ringed the stadium and a dome of broom suppression enclosed the interior. Perfect.

Lucille herself stepped forward to spring the trap.

With a flick of her wand she started a small patch of fiendfyre on a garish orange tapestry within the suppression ward. Standing back from the cursed fire she smiled as she watched the flames spread and the first of the animated creatures of flame manifest and begin to search for targets.

It took but moments before the first of the screams of terror and death reached the ears of the waiting Death Eaters. Those screams were their signal to leave and each activated their personal portkey.

Lucille was the last to go, a ghastly smile on her lips.

The Dark Lady had her revenge for the loss of Orion Lestrange. The final death toll was 463 men, women, and children, including the entire rosters of both teams. This tragedy also marked the end of the Chudley Cannon's Quidditch Franchise.

**---===ooo000ooo===---**


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work. Damn it.

**Harry Potter and the Distaff Side**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

**Custody**

Narcissus Malfoy checked his appearance in the mirror for perhaps the tenth time as he waited for his wife to finish with her business meeting.

Perfect, as always.

Today was the day. Today, Lucile would bring her political pressure to bear and Harriet Potter would become a ward of the Malfoy family. The Dark Lady would be rewarding them for this, rewarding them well. Narcissus smiled to himself as he recalled those few moments when he actually believed that the threats from the Potter boy had any meaning.

The idea that some mere boy could stand up to the Malfoys? Preposterous.

In less than an hour, they would receive custody of the Girl Who Lived, and immediately following that, they would be withdrawing her from the school, for her own safety, of course. By this time tomorrow, they would be reporting that the silly girl had run off and she would be in the hands of the Dark Lady.

Perfect.

Prior to handing her over to the Lady, Narcissus planned on spending a little time with his new ward, thanking her for what had happened to poor Orion, and for the arrogance of her insignificant male twin. The Dark Lady wanted to be the one who killed the Girl Who Lived, she didn't mind if the child was tortured a bit first. After the girl was dealt with, the boy Potter would learn what happened to mouthy little boys.

A pair of Tawny owls entered through the charmed delivery window with what appeared to be a decorative hat box being carried between them. The owls teamed together managed to lightly place the box on the table in front of Narcissus before lighting upon it and extending their legs in a clear request to be released from their burden.

Narcissus untied the owls from the package, noting in delight that it bore the name of his favorite apparel shop. He hadn't purchased anything from Merryman's recently, but perhaps it was a gift from Lucile. Narcissus smiled, Lucile was always so accommodating. She loved it so when Narcissus looked his best, and was always buying him pretty things.

The owls departed as soon as they were freed from their burden, and Narcissus carefully opened her gift to discover what new treasure Lucile was showering him with.

Narcissus' shrill screams brought Lucile running with her wand drawn.

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Harriet Jane Potter stood in front of the mirror and examined her appearance closely. It was important to show the world the image of a powerful young witch, a young woman who wasn't to be trifled with. The apparent total recovery from the now infamous attack on the Lovegoods would stand her in great stead. No one at the hearing this morning would make the mistake of seeing her as weak.

She was only slightly annoyed that her brother actually had come back from the attack as healthy and strong as ever. Harriet wondered if she could have done that. She had spent her time in the Hospital wing, but ever since being bested by Strews…

Orestes stood to the side, occasionally plucking at a stray thread as he ensured that Harri looked her best. The Wiccegamot had to be made aware that they were dealing with the Scion of a great family, and that Harriet would not be forced into a situation that would not be to her advantage.

There was a plan in place. A plan that Orestes wouldn't tell her about.

That irked her a bit, but she was sure that the plan had been thought out to the most minute of details by Orestes and Luna, with input from Harry and even Ronnie as well. If nothing else, the plan had convinced Orestes that Luna was one scary witch, one that he would never, ever want to cross. Harriet had to admit it was fun to be around Luna and Harry when they did their little dominance dances, with each trying to shield and protect the other.

Harry was planning on being at the hearing. He wouldn't say how he was planning on getting out of the Castle to be there, much less how he was going to make it to London, but she was somewhat relieved that he would be there. If it didn't go their way Harriet might need to fight her way out of the Ministry… Having Harry at her back would make that easier.

So deep in her thoughts, Harri was startled when Orestes' arms encircled her waist and pulled the pair close.

"Good luck," Orestes said softly in her left ear, before the boy started softly kissing her neck. "I wish I was going with you."

"So do I," Harri admitted. "Knowing you were there would make all of this easier to take."

"Harry said he was going to be there, though how that boy plans to get there is beyond me."

Harriet raised a single eyebrow, "Orestes are you suggesting that my dimensional twin doesn't act like a proper young gentleman?"

"Harry's my friend," the bushy haired boy huffed. "And I like him just the way he is, but it wouldn't hurt him to learn to learn to conduct himself properly. The way he is with Luna, he's going to get a reputation."

"Hmm, you always seem to enjoy it when I act with you like Harry does with Luna…" Harri grinned at Orestes' pretty blush. "So are you going to tell me what you four have cooked up to keep the Malfoy's at bay?"

"It's important that you don't know," Orestes said with his own smile. "That way you've got deniability and no one can pull it out of your head."

Harriet fixed her boyfriend with a incredulous stare, "That bad? What the hell have you four come up with?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know until you get back."

"Miss Potter?" Professor McGonagall said entering the room. "The Headmistress is ready to get started, are you ready?"

Harriet took one last glance at the mirror. She looked good. "Yes Professor, I'm ready.

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Lucile Malfoy rushed to her husband's side, and was shocked to find him in such a state of panic. Never before in their almost twenty years of marriage had she seen him like this.

Then she looked down into the hatbox on the table in front of her husband and found her only daughter's severed head.

"Thubani!" she gasped.

The severed head in the box opened its eyes. "Mummy!" it said with the voice of the male Potter, the boy's voice warbling as if the words were spoken through a mouth half full of water, "no, sorry to say, I'm not your darling Thubani… I'm a warning keyed to activate when both of the adult Malfoys are present. It has been noted that poor sweet Thubani is all alone in Hogwarts Castle, alone and unprotected. It would be a shame if anything were to happen to her."

"I will kill you!" Lucile shouted.

"You are no doubt ranting about how you are going to kill me and humiliate my friends just now Lucy," the head said jovially before continuing in a much colder tone of voice, "so get it out of your system. Your playmates hurt my sister. Your brother in law tried to capture her for your Dark Lady. Did you think I would allow that to go unpunished?"

Narcissus' eyes went wide before he rushed to the fireplace, fumbled for the floo powder, and knelt before the flames as they turned green. "Slytherin Common Room"

"Common room sentry. State your business." The response came back as Lucile joined her husband at the fire.

"Get me Thubani Malfoy," Narcissus barked.

"Who is this?" The sentry responded.

"This is the Gentleman Malfoy! If you value your pathetic life you will find my daughter, and you will find her now."

"My apologies Gentleman Malfoy," the sentry answered contritely. "Thubani is missing, she hasn't shown up for her first class, and no one can find her."

"That should have been long enough for you to verify that poor sweet Thubani can't be found." The head's watery voice called from the table as Narcissus broke the floo connection. "This is my last warning Lucy, you had best find a good excuse for explaining to your Dark Lady why you failed to adopt my sister, or Thubani dies, so very slowly."

Lucile was almost incoherent with rage. "The Dark Lady will…"

"And now you're threatening me with pain or death or your pathetic Dark Lady. You do what you're going to do Lucy. If you presume to take control of my sister, and Thubani dies today. Your husband will die before the sun rises again, and you… you I'll leave to the Dark Lady, after your will is changed of course. The Malfoy fortune will be a nice addition to the Potter vaults."

The severed head shimmered for a moment before exploding, spraying a wet pulpy substance over the Malfoys.

"Thubani!" Lucile screamed in fury staring at the shattered melon the lay in the hat box.

"What are we going to do Lucile?" Narcissus asked, trying and failing to vanish the red pulp of the melon.

"That boy is going to die!" the head of family Malfoy ranted.

"Lucile! He's got Thubani! We can't risk her life!"

Lucile Malfoy calmed herself, and pulled her wand to clean the melon pulp from her clothing, and failing. "We haven't time for this, this fruit is charmed to prevent magical cleaning, we will have to bathe and change clothes before the Hearing."

"Lucile?"

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Harry shuddered for a moment when the icy cold of the disillusionment charm slowly washed over him before he started to make his way toward his goal.

The hardest part of preparing for this Hearing had been convincing the Riddle of the Room to teach him the stealth techniques he would need to pull this off.

The second hardest part had been figuring out just how Dumbledore was going to get Harri to London for the Hearing. Harry had spent most of the week after Healer Pomfrey released him from the Hospital wing trying to discover what the Headmistress was going to do, before realizing that he was being stupid, and asked the Room of Requirements to make him a Dumbledore he could speak to.

_Harry had only been moderately surprised when the form that shimmered into existence in front of him was the familiar male headmaster rather than the woman he had come to know._

_"Oh, my," the shade of the old man had said upon forming. "This is disconcerting, I must say."_

_"Sorry," Harry said. "I was expecting your female counterpart."_

_"Oh, it's not a problem my boy," the ancient wizard said while staring at his hands as he flexed them. "Not a problem at all. I'm not sure what sensation surprised me more, the surprise of suddenly finding you standing in front of me after almost a year, or the knowledge that I am but a shade generated by the magic of this rather interesting room."_

_Harry blinked. Was this actually a shade of his Dumbledore? Or had the room simply used his expectations to create a male form around the Headmistress the castle knew? "Can… can you tell me what is happening back home?"_

_"I'm sorry Harry, I cannot," the shade said stroking his beard. "I am only the manifestation of your memories of Albus Dumbledore made real by the magic of this wondrous room. While I know much of what is happening in this world, I am as ignorant as you when it comes to the situation in a world where men dominate."_

_Harry sighed, "Alright then, I hope you can answer this question then. How is the Headmistress getting Harriet Potter to the Ministry for her Custody Hearing? Will she just floo them from her office? Will they apparate?"_

_"No Harry, it seems my counterpart shares my penchant for the dramatic entry. As of this morning she has decided that she will arrive at the Ministry via a Hogwarts Carriage drawn by a team of thestrals. This reality's Hagrid will be serving as the driver of the carriage, and will be sporting full Hogwarts livery."_

This was why Harry was creeping up to the shining carriage waiting at the main entrance of the castle, disillusioned, silenced, and carefully avoiding Rubella Hagrid. Once he was beside the carriage he carefully evaluated his chances.

Trying to ride inside the carriage was, of course, right out, underneath… He leaned over to discover there didn't appear to be anything stable for him to attach himself to. That left riding up top.

Carefully, trying his best to make his movements coincide with those of the thesterals hitched to the carriage, he slowly climbed to the top of the carriage. Once there, he pulled a blanket layered with multiple 'Notice Me Not' and warming charms from his robes and wrapped it around himself as a defense against the January winds.

It was likely to be a long ride.

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Thubani Malfoy was suddenly awake. She lay still for a moment trying to figure out what was bothering her.

It was… dark. The dorm was never truly dark; there was always a dim wall sconce to allow one to move about without needing a light source. But now, it was dark. It was dark like being at the bottom of a well at midnight on a moonless overcast night.

Pitch black.

She tried to sit up, and terror gripped the pureblood's soul.

She couldn't move. She couldn't move any part of her body, she couldn't open her eyes. The only sound was the beating of her heart. But... there was motion. She could definitely feel that she was moving... but where?"

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Orestes Granger stood staring out the window at the carriage. He watched as the Headmistress and Harri climbed into the carriage and Hagrid mounted to her driver's position and getting the magical conveyance on its way.

The analytical part of his mind was occupied with trying to see if the thestrals hitched to the carriage kicked up anything when they started to move. They did not. The carriage picked up speed and lifted from the road to Hogsmeade to take to the sky.

He sighed. That analytical part of his mind wished that he could actually see the thestrals as the drawing he had found seemed to contradict each other. The rest of his mind on the other hand, mindful of the requirements needed to be able to see thestrals was very glad he could not.

Luna's reflection joined his in the glass of the window.

"Our Potters are on their way," the Ravenclaw noted.

"Harry is actually heading for London? How is he getting there?"

"Oh, he's hitched a ride on the Headmistress' carriage," Luna said pointing at the tiny dot in the sky.

"He did?" Orestes asked incredulously. "But I was watching, and I never saw..."

"Harry can be quite... stealthy when he wants to be," Luna smiled. "And he wants to be there for Harriet if she needs him."

The carriage was now out of sight, Orestes sighed and turned away from the window. "I hope they're alright. I still don't think that its a good idea to have Harri stand in front of the Wiccegamot and provoke them."

"That's because you still think of our Government as if it was a democracy like you know from the Muggle world Orestes," Luna said. "It isn't you know. Membership in the Wiccegamot is from family connections and bluster. Harriet will be speaking to them in a language they understand, as one privileged head of house to an assembly of equals."

"Yes, but..." in truth the make of up of the Wiccegamot disturbed Orestes far more than he was comfortable saying.

"In the end," Luna continued, "the majority of the Wiccegamot will support Harriet in her pursuit of special privilege for no other reason than she is the head of and an ancient and noble house just as they are, and none of them will be willing to risk the loss of any special privilege that they themselves may need someday."

"It's still wrong."

"Wrong? Right?" Luna shrugged. "Those are just concepts based upon one's world view. What we are dealing with is the way things are Orestes. Maybe after the Dark Lady is gone our Potters will be able to do something about it. For now, we're using it to keep Harri safe."

"Speaking of being safe," Orestes said after a short pause as the pair made their way toward the Great Hall for lunch. "No one has seen Malfoy today, and from what I've heard, quite a few people are looking for her... You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

"Heavens Orestes," the blond said pressing her left hand to her chest in an overly dramatic show of distress. "Surely you don't suspect loony old me of anything so nefarious do you?"

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

"So, what is your plan?"

Harri looked from the carriage window to her Headmistress. "Plan?"

"Miss Potter," the old woman sighed, "I may be 'some what older than dirt' as your friend Veronica suggested once or twice, but I am not blind. You, your dimensional twin, and your usual cohort of supporters have been holding secretive meetings since your twin got out of the Hospital Wing. You have a plan."

"Oh, that plan," Harri nodded, while trying to think of what to tell Dumbledore. Well, she thought, the truth couldn't really hurt could it? "Basically the plan is for me to stand up before the Wiccegamot and try to out pure blood them, and use the attack on Harry at Luna's house as well as the massacre at the Chudley Stadium as examples why anyone who wears a Dark Mark is suspect.."

Dumbledore nodded. "That approach is likely to be quiet effective, and it is also likely to annoy quite a few people in positions of power."

"Not nearly as annoyed as I would be if I were in the loving custody of the Malfoy family, I assure you."

"I suppose that would likely cause a certain level of reaction from your twin..."

"If they survived me," Harri said with a small wry grin, "Harry would flay the flesh from their bones."

"And what can I do to help?"

"The best help you could give me would be for you to call me to speak prior to the vote."

The older woman held Harri's gaze for several moments, her eyes twinkling like mad. "I believe I can do that. As I was leaving Professor McGonagall made me aware that one of your classmates appeared to be missing. It seems that no one has seen Miss Malfoy since before breakfast this morning. I don't suppose you have any idea where she might have gotten off to?"

"Professor, I can honestly say that I have no idea where Malfoy might be. I haven't seen her since yesterday." Orestes was right, deniability was a good thing.

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Harry waited until Hagrid had unhitched the thestrals before climbing down from the top of the carriage, canceling the disillusionment charm as he did so. He needed to find his way to the hearing room to be there if his twin needed him.

"Oh crap on a crumpet kid, what are you doing here?"

Harry turned to find a blue haired man in a red cloak staring at him. "Auror Tonks right?" he asked. "I'm here for my twin's custody hearing. Will you be kidnapping me today?"

"Merlin, no! I still get abuse for how the four of you took us all out. I was just surprised to see you here." the Auror held out his hands in feigned surrender. I was heading to the hearing as well, mind if I join you?"

Harry shrugged. "Why not?" He started following the red robed Auror through the rabbit warren that made up the Ministry of Magic. "Why are you attending the hearing? Are you working security?"

"No," Tonks answered. "I just got off shift, I'm here for Harri. She's a cousin... I guess you are too, sort of." He led Harry to a pair of seats in the high balcony of the gallery. "So," he asked as he sat and gestured for Harry to join him, "are you still pissed?"

"I was," Harry admitted. "Then I found out that Lokabrenna is a poodle and I laughed my ass off, after that I was ok. What's with your hair?"

"Oh, the color? I'm a Metamorphmagus, I can change how I look, hair color, like that."

"So you were the several men with Billie Weasley at the fun fair?" Harry asked. "That would be cool, I guess."

"It has it's moments, though having a date ask you to look like someone else gets old pretty quick. Why aren't you in school?"

"The same reason that you aren't going home after getting off your shift."

"Ah," Tonks said, understanding the answer. Still one thing bothered her, "so, why did you find Lokabrenna's poodle funny? Poodles are horrible vicious beasts."

Harry's only answer was to start giggling until he could no longer speak.

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Dumbledore banged her gavel bringing the chambers of the Wiccegamot to silence. "We open this special session of the Wiccegamot to deal with the appointing of a guardian for Harriet Potter, also known as The Girl Who Lived. This motion was put forward by the honorable Lucile Malfoy at our last session, when she suggested that her family take custody of young Harriet. I note that the Malfoys are not in attendance for this session, which causes me to assume that they are withdrawing their bid." The ancient witch paused for a moment, her eyes twinkling. "Since the last session I have been told that twenty four families have put forward their offer of hearth and home for our young charge, news that warms my heart. Before our deliberations on this important matter can start however, Miss Potter has requested a chance to address the Wiccegamot. Miss Potter?"

Harriet stood from where she had been seated and approached the speakers lectern, concentrating on how Luna and Orestes said she should conduct herself.. She gripped the lapels of her formal robes and gave them a quick tug to ensure that the proper image was presented, drew a breath and began to speak. "Dryhtcwén Dumbledore, Honored members of the Wiccegamot. I thank you for this opportunity to speak before you. I am Harriet Jane Potter, head of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter, and I stand before you today awaiting your judgement as to who should be my guardian for the next five hundred and sixty nine days until I reach my majority."

"In the past, within living memory of some of the individuals in this chamber, I would have been emancipated on my thirteenth birthday, with a regent assigned from my family's retainers to assist me in making my way through to adulthood, but as we all know, those times are past, and despite the momentary advantage such a system would offer me, I believe the current law to be superior. What concerns me today, and the reason I asked to speak to you, are some of the families that are competing to become my guardians."

The Wiccegamot chamber was silent as Harri took a sip from the glass of water that the charmed lectern provided. "Among the families offering me a home are families tainted by association with the Dark Lady Riddle and her Death Eaters, including, or perhaps especially, the original sponsor of this proposal, Lucile Malfoy."

The chamber erupted into furor at the accusation.

"How dare you?" one voice among many shouted. "How dare you insult the honor of a noted pure blood family like the Malfoys?"

Luna had warned that there would be those shouting from the galleries at this point, and made sure Harri had what she called 'proper responses' ready. Orestes disapproved of these responses, but didn't have better suggestions. Harriet fixed the speaker with a glare. "And you are sir?"

"I am Delos Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic."

"Senior Undersecretary?" Harri directed her attention to the Minister of Magic. "Really Minister, if you could please keep your office boy quiet? One would think that you would have your 'Senior Undersecretaries' properly trained as to keep quiet in the presence of their betters."

A choking sound came from the infuriated Umbridge. Luna was right, Harri mused, abusing the idiots was fun.

"Since the return of the Dark Lady Riddle in May of last year, she and her minions have attacked the house of Potter four separate times. The latest was of course the Boxing day attack on the Publisher of the Quibbler. An attack led by Orion LeStrange, the brother of Lucile Malfoy's husband."

"Libel!" Umbridge screamed. "How dare you lie about..."

"Mr. Umbridge," Harri said wondering if Luna had paid the man to cooperate with the abuse of the Malfoy family, since he was hitting the cues so readily, "The fact that Orion LeStrange is the brother of Narcissus Malfoy is a matter of public record. The Family Black of their generation is well known. Further I find it a bit disturbing that a 'Senior Undersecretary' to the Minister does not seem to know the difference between libel and slander, both of which would require me to be lying, and I am not. Minister Fudge, just how low are the requirements for service in your office? I fear for the continuation of our way of life when a public servant in your government not to know that 'libel' involves the written word."

Harri once again addressed the assembly. "The House of Potter has been attacked by Death Eaters multiple times. I would suggest to this august body that the fact that Lucile Malfoy has the Dark Mark tattoo on her arm would be enough to disqualify her from being my guardian."

"As I recall," Almanzo Bones said from his seat next to the Minister, "Lucile was acquitted of all charges."

"True," Harri admitted, "and I'm sure that the generous donation to Minister Bagnold's office had absolutely nothing to do with that acquittal. But the fact remains that if her story is to be believed, she has demonstrated herself to be highly susceptible to the Imperius curse." Harri drew some notes from her robes. "Highly highly susceptible. Much of the Hogwarts Student body was exposed to the Imperius last year, with the permission of the Ministry of course. The average time for throwing off the Imperius was seventeen minutes. Mrs. Malfoy was reportedly held in the Dark Lady's thrall for _years_. This points to one of two possibilities. The first being that Lucile Malfoy is an unrepentant Death Eater who bought her way out of prison, or second, she is a weak minded fool who is highly susceptible to mind control and who could be taken over again at any time."

The door to the chamber burst open admitting Lucile and Narcissus Malfoy. Impeccably dressed, their exposed skin blotched with purple stains that resisted every glamor the pair had attempted..

"Either way, I would suggest that such a person is not an acceptable guardian. No one so demonstrably susceptible to mind control should have custody of any child, much less a ward of the Ministry. I will not be the next victim of their inability to defend their minds."

Harri paused for a moment and again sipped her water. Time for the closer. "And let us never forget the atrocity in Chudley on the third of January. Just six days ago, more than five hundred magicals dead, people from every purity status recognized by the ministry, from first Generation to Purebloods, lost because the Dark Lady decided to throw a temper tantrum over the loss of her head murderer Orion LeStrange. Willingly or not, those who wear the Dark Mark Tattoo on their left arms aided the Dark Lady in her designs. Do not aid them in any more betrayal. Thank you."

Harriet returned to her chair and sat, smiling pleasantly at the furious Umbridge. No, she decided, the man was most definitely not someone planted by Luna

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

"Cornelia!" Umbridge spat as he stormed into the Minister's private office. "How could you allow that jumped up half blood to speak to me like that?"

"What was I supposed to do Delos?" Cornelia Fudge asked. "You violated protocol from the first time you opened your mouth. You know full well that you had no standing to address a Head of House like you did, teen aged half blood or not."

"She called me an 'Office Boy!'"

"She did, and she correctly pointed out that you don't know the difference between slander and libel, or what either of them mean," Fudge said calmly. "And you would have gotten far worse if you had done what you did to any other Head of House. If it had been anyone else, you and I would not be having this conversation because the Head you insulted would have insisted on your being sacked, and I would have had no choice in the matter. You let your mouth outrun your brain Delos, and now you need to calm down and take your lumps. If you want to be taken seriously out here with the big girls, you've got to have the rocks to take it like a woman."

"I'm going to destroy that little fool."

"No, Delos, you're going to do nothing. Politically, Harriet Potter is more valuable to me that you are. As long as the Dark Lady is killing people, Potter will remain valuable to me. You cannot touch her."

Umbridge stormed from the office, furious at the lack of support he was receiving from the Minister, to whom he had devoted the best years of his life. The Potter girl was untouchable? Fine. There was the Potter boy... A smile crossed his lips. The Potter boy had no such protections.

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**

Harry made his way back to Hogwarts with Tonks' help. He tumbled out of the floo in the Hogshead Pub, and rushed out the door, running up the road to the castle, where he was met at the gate by the Headmistress.

"Good Evening Mr. Potter. I was wondering when you would return. Your company on the flight back would have been pleasant. Given your choice to ride atop the carriage on the way to London had me wondering if you were simply avoiding me."

"Oh," Harry was almost struck dumb in surprise. "So, you noticed me then?" he asked sheepishly.

"When you get to be my age," the woman said starting a brisk pace toward the castle, "you learns to make up for failing faculties by paying close attention to the world around you. Your 'notice me not' charm was top notch, but the warming charms caused a slight fog to rise from your reclining form. It is usually the small details that trip you up."

"If you knew I was there, why did you allow me to come along?"

"Your sister was going before a custody hearing," Dumbledore shugged, "where else should you have been?"

"Thank you Headmistress."

"Indeed it has been quite a trying day for Professor McGonagall, he had to deal with two missing students."

"Two?"

"Yourself of course, that was my fault, it seems I quite forgot to inform him that you had been given permission to accompany your sister and myself to London for the Hearing, and Thubani Malfoy."

"Malfoy was missing?"

"Indeed," Dumbledore said as they reached the door leading into the castle's Entry Hall, she was found only an hour ago, the victim of a terrible prank. She was petrified, disillusioned and hanging on the inside of the door to my office like a cloak. Imagine that. She blames you for some reason. Her parents are quite concerned. However since you were with me, I explained that there is no possibility of that being an accurate accusation."

"Thank you for that Headmistress."

"Your sister is spending the next few days with the Diggorys so that their wards can be upgraded to their utmost. You know, an interesting experiment just occurred to me... what would happen if you were to attempt entry to a place your sister is keyed into? Hmm. Something for another time. I trust you will be notifying young Harriet's friends of her new arrangements?"

"I certainly will Headmistress."

"Good. Good," Dumbledore hesitated for a moment. "Harry, like you I ended up fighting in a war against a powerful dark witch, and there were times in that war when I was forced to do things that were distasteful."

"Yes Headmistress?" Harry asked respectfully.

"While I can understand that somethings might seem... useful in certain circumstances, I trust that nothing like today will happen again?"

It did not take a genius to figure out that the old Witch was referring to what happened to Malfoy. "I cannot promise that Headmistress, just as you can't."

"Children should not be used..."

"I quite agree," Harry interrupted. "Children should not be used, but they are being used. The child in question never hesitates to describe the fate that the Dark Lady has in store for my sister, and how she will be there to laugh. I have been quite unsubtle with both the young lady in question and her parents, letting them know just what I would do to protect the only family I've ever had, yet they keep coming after my sister."

"The Malfoys have no choice at this point."

"There is always a choice Headmistress, always. Let us speak hypothetically. You hypothetically found Thubani Malfoy alive because her parents failed in their bid to take custody of my sister. Had they won, I would have spent tonight getting her back, and they would have received their daughter in several small packages."

"Hypothetically."

"Of course. As you pointed out, this is a war. People are going to die. I'm going to make sure that it is the other side that does the dying." Harry drew himself up to his full height. "Harri would do the same for me."

"Harry," the old woman said with a sigh, "it saddens me when a gentle innocent soul such as yourself feels that he must behave in a manner outside his nature. You don't need to emulate your dimensional twin to be accepted here."

Harry just stared at the woman for several moments, then seemingly reaching a decision, he suddenly _moved _and was behind the witch with her wand in his hand before Dumbledore could blink. Harry moved into his training routine, with combat magic flashing for his wand, lighting up the face of the castle. Dumbledore concentrated on moving into the accelerated time frame, only then could she follow the pattern the boy was in, and appreciate the destructive magic he was expending.

The display went on for five full minutes in real time before the boy flashed to a stop directly in front of the Headmistress, not even out of breath. He extended Dumbledore's wand. "I borrowed your wand so that you wouldn't interfere with my pattern of exercises Professor. I defended Luna and myself against five Death Eaters, I taught one of your blood purist teachers not to attack a Potter, I fought against two senior members of your Order, and won, I fought and defeated Orion LeStrange and three Death Eaters at the Lovegood home, I can do this accelerated thing that Professor Moody says only the most powerful can do, and you still see me as some kind of fragile flower who needs to hide behind my dimensional twin. What do I need to do to convince you that I will do what I need to do to protect the family I've found here?"

Dumbledore accepted her wand with a trembling hand. Harry turned on his heel and entered the castle.

The Headmistress stood staring at the space that the dimensional traveler had vacated for several seconds, when turned and entered the castle. She made her way through the castle ignoring everyone she encountered, up seven floors to her office.

The Gargoyle moved aside as she approached and she started up the moving stairs.

"Something bothering you Blanche?" Anastasia Moody asked from the shadows of the office.

The Headmistress ignored her old friend and went directly to her desk. From the third drawer on the left she pulled an unopened bottle of Ogden's Finest and two glasses. The bottle was opened with a gesture and Dumbledore poured three fingers of fire whisky into both glasses. Setting down the bottle, she lifted the glass and tipped it back into her mouth, sitting heavily in her chair as the trademark flames appeared.

Refilling her glass, she repeated the previous evolution.

"Problem Blanche?" Moody asked again, reaching across the desk to get the untouched glass.

Filling her glass a third time the Headmistress looked up at her old friend. "The Potter boy... he can accelerate."

"I know," Moody said. "I told you that months ago."

"How..." she drained the glass having one's world view shifted evidently cause a great thirst. "How long can he go?"

"I've seen him go for more than an hour before exhaustion sets in. The girl can do it too."

Blanche Dumbledore then said the only thing that seemed to fit the situation. "Bloody Hell."

**-===ooo000ooo===-  
**


End file.
